"You came back! You said you would come back, so I knew you would come back!"

“When you blow your nose, it gets the boogers away.” -Leon, 4, on allergies

“Don’t look up my skirt. That’s private.” -Claire, 5 on stairs

“I know it’s private.” -Rylan, 5

“I have a hugenormous big big big owie.” -Logan, 4, on knees

“I knew your name when I was a baby. Before I came to school I missed you.
I miss you when I’m at home.” -Caleb, 4

“A hippo sitting on a chair?! Seriously?” -Shannley, 4, on storybooks

“Your bread is more good than ours.” -Truman, 3, on HyVee

Me: What’s your dad’s name?

Leon: I don’t know. He’s gonna have to tell me.”

“You should hold Ms. Brown’s hand so you don’t slip and fall.” -Leon, 4,
on snowblowing

“Uhm, Ms. Bradford, it’s HOME Depot.” -Truman, 3, on Discovery Depot

“I am tired at this weather.” -Leon, 4, on 2019

“Don’t worry, Ms. Bradford, I have my listening ears on loud. Very high.”
-Logan, 4, on lies

“You are funny. You say crazy things.” -Leon, 4, on Ms. Bradford

“We don’t have time for this!!” -Will, 3, on fire drills and nonsense

“Him is not a talker.” -Rylan, 5, on Paxton

“I’m touching you with my CARDINAL hand!” -Hudson, 5, on redbirds

“In my head, I’m like...what kinda party?” -Tinley, 5, on raising hands

“An 80’s song. That means ‘I love you’ in Japanese.” -Caleb, 4, on his brain

“It wasn’t before Christmas. Christmas was yesterday.” -Baylee, 4,
on Easter and time

“You are weird. It’s what makes you fun.” -June, 4, on Ms. Bradford

“This floor is so clean, I can’t even imagine the vacuum!” -Shannley, 4

“You probably shouldn’t tell the kids that.” -Shannley, 4, on floor cleanliness

“Mr. Jim always has the treasure!” -Hudson, 5, on Fruit Loops

“Are you a scientist?” -Rylan, 5, on slime production

“Ms. Bradford, this is not my favorite.” -Sawyer, 3, on beets

“My heart says I want to marry my food.” -June, 4, on lunch

“When is it gonna be up time?” -Shannley, 4, on quiet

“HEY! **SNAPS** I’m talking to you!!” -Leon, 4, on Paxton

“You don’t got pokers.” -Donovan, 3, on earrings

“Chicken Little is weird.” -Claire, 5, on stories

“I love it when you sing. Especially about frogs.” -Caleb, 4, on speckles

“I’m a genie in a bottle, gotta ask me the right way.” -Claire, 5, on lyrics

“Tornadoes can eat people! This is freakin’ me out!” -Logan, 4, on weather

“I do not want to stay here 3 months. I do not want to stay here 3 days.”
-Logan, 4, on the end of the year

“He’s a CARNIVORE. He doesn’t eat cardboard.” -Kierre, 5, on dinosaurs

"YOU DON'T SAY ME THAT!"

"Never did. Never can." -Brady, 5, on bandaids

"I don't feel so good. I think I got the germs."-Hudson, 4

"YOU HAVE TO STOP DOING THAT!" -Konrad, 3, on crying

"You already know all of this!" -Paxton, 4, on adults asking questions

"I do not love this." -Rylan, 4, on everything she hates

"I need a little help here." -Sawyer, 3, on shoes

(reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle)
me: *points to a giant dirt pile* "What's he standing on?"
Hudson: "GRAVITY!"

me: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
kid: "I don't know"
me: "What does your dad do at work?"
kid: "My dad smokes cigarettes."

"Holy Toledo!" -Caleb, 3, on chaos
"Oh my heavens!" -Caleb, 3, on continuing chaos

"I built the block tower so high she finally talked to me!" -Carter, 5, on Evelynn (and 3 weeks of silence)

Will, 3: "This kid has an attitude! And this kid has an attitude!"
Kamden, 3: "HEY! We're just trying to play here!"

"Human eye juice." -also known as tears

"You better watch out, or I'll go Thriller on you!" -a threat? or an invitation to dance?

"Ms. Bradford, Minnie died. She got ran over by a car and we buried her. She is SO dead." -Avery, 3, on cats

"Hey, baby, do you wanna kiss me?" -Bentley, 3, making moves

"That is TERRIFYING!" -Hudson, 4, on naptime

"Jesus Christ! I keep forgetting to tell my teacher I wanna learn the alphabet!" -Shannley, 4, on goals

"I keep forgot-ing." -Avery, 3, on hand washing

"That does not taste good for me." -Bently, 4, on cauliflower

"Eww! That smells like when Aunt ShelBell sprays hair!" -Caleb, 3, on air freshener

"What's your favorite song? Mine is DROPKICK MUH JESUS!" -Hudson, 3, on the truth

"It smells like farts in here." -Hudson, 5, on brussells sprouts

"It's funny when you use the little sink." -Shannley, 4, on kid vs. adult sizes

"He kissed me on the cheek two times. That is so gross!" -Tinley, 4, on brothers

""Bee-ee-8-9 is how you spell my name." -Bentley, 4, getting closer

"BACK UP! You put maple syrup on your oatmeal? I put water on mine." -Carter, 5, on breakfast

"You were my favorite part of Pharmfest!" -Caleb, 3, on teachers in the wild

"P is for vegetable stack!" -Leon, 4, on pizza

"When I grow up, I'm gonna own an Olive Garden."

"My favorite part was all the parts." -Brady, 5, on field trips

"It's like I work here!" -Gavin, 5, on paper towels

"OK GOOGLE knows everything I say." -JJ, 5

"I don't know how to get my voice out." -Rylan, 4, on asking questions

"I picked him because he's cute." -JJ, 5, on Gavin

"I am not going to marriage you!" -Gavin, 5, on being picked

"A CUBS GAME??? Gross." -Hudson, 4, on teams

"Maybe he ate too much sugar." -Hannah, 4, on the flu

"My dad will come to your party. 'Cuz I bet it's a beer party." -Maya, 4, on roller skating

"I have so many boogers in my lungs." -Gavin, 5, on allergies and coughing

"Can you call my mom? I've had a bit of a day." -Adrix, 4, on Tuesdays

"If my brother was here, he would ruin it. Because he hates rainbows, unicorns, and anything I love. HE WOULD DESTROY IT." -Maya, 4, on Chris

Mackenzie: "Where is Mr. Bradford?"
Me: "There is no Mr. Bradford."
Mackenzie: "Oh, that's why you don't have babies."

"I have a belly button and it makes me itchy." -June, 4, on princesses

"I am a face monster!!" -Rylan, 4, on cupcake frosting

"You are wearing a dress. And big earrings. And I don't even know what is going on with your lips!" -JJ, 5, on graduation

"Bananas have no armpits." -Brady, 5, on going bananas

"That's a mighty robust bagel!"

kid quote blog returns. the preschool edition.

"Ms. Bradford, we have a problem. The problem is it's cold outside." -Hudson, 4

"QUEEN BUG!!" -Lincoln, 4, on queen bees

"I'm so excited for February. Because February 4 is SNACK DAY." -Dylan, 5, on the SuperBowl

me: Do giraffes hibernate or migrate?
*blank stares*
me: Where do giraffes go in the winter?
"Uh, Ms. Bradford? Giraffes stay at the zoo." -Gavin, 4

me: What's your favorite candy?
"CAKE!" -Keegan, 3

"He makes money at work. That's all he does." -Maya, 4, on her dad's job

"I hate that. I hate that so much. I never want to do that." -Maya, 4, on glue

"Chickens poop eggs out." -Paxton, 4

"It smells like breath." -Gavin, 4, on peppermint tea

"It feels like I'm marrying someone!!" -Gavin, 4, on peppermint

"I found poo-poo on the floor." -Layken, 5, on problems

"You better watch out of me. I'm gonna sneeze." -Layken, 5

"Ms. Henness....Miss, uh, ....Glasses! ....Uh....Ms. Bradford!" -Layken, 5, on remembering names

"Ms. BadBird." -Maddax, 5, on me

"The whole world is really wild." -Tinley, 4

me: Who can tell me a word that starts with 'V'?
"VERB!" -Adrix, 3, on brilliance

Layken: No. We are not friends. You are not being nice to me.
Me: Welp, this is the schedule. Right now is quiet time.
Layken: I do not like that.

"Ms. Bradford, I believe that most people are good." -Lincoln, 4, on breaking my heart

"Hims do that." -Paxton, 3, on pronouns

"Listen! It's a ding-ding gate!" -Lincoln, 4, on trains

"Ms. Bradford, your hair is pretty good." -JJ, 5, on braids

me: *sprays peppermint oil*
Layken: "Oh, man!!! That smells good!"
*puts face in armpit*
**eyes water**
Layken" "I do not want to smell that anymore! IT SMELLS AWFUL GOOD."

"This is a challenge." -Adrix, 4, on scissors

"Sometimes I'm strong with English. Sometimes I'm strong with Spanish. Mostly I'm strong with words."

"I bet when you were little it was like 'Arthur' and stuff." -Justin,4th, on being old

"CARLOS!" -3rd grader on my name

"Miss Billford!" -Fernando, 2nd, on the same

"You cannot trust girls." -4th grader

"It smells like all kinds of coffee in here." -Alondra, 5th, on Wednesday at 1pm

"It's because he gots 9 and I gots 7." -Julian, 2nd, on older siblings

"No. I'm not guud. It's good." -Nathan, 2nd

"Can I keep this forever?" -Mark, 2nd, on books

"Do you speak English or Spanish?" -me
"No. I just talk." -Izaiah, 1st

"I need books on alicorns. It's a pegasus with a horn on it's head." -Elizabeth, K, schooling me

"You just said 'dude' to me?!" -Jose, K, on my informality...bro

"Can I ask you a question? Where were you last year and do you hate always having kids in your library and why do you have so many shoes under your desk?" -Jimena, 2nd, on all of the things

"Miss! Teacher! Teacher! Miss-essss LIBRARY!"

After a year off spent acting, I have returned to the glamorous life of public school education.This time around as an elementary school librarian. My school has 650+ students, 90% of whom speak Spanish. This has lead to some very entertaining verb conjugations on my part. Until I return to conversational classes, my broken Spanish has me saying things like, "Manana muy bien." when I'm actually attempting to communicate that said student will do better tomorrow.

Students came to the library for the first time last week. Alas, there aren't many kid quotes yet, but I assure you they will be flowing freely quite soon. Because, as our beloved celebrity rapist in colorful sweaters reminded us, kids really do say the darndest things.


"No! George Jefferson." -4th grader on the 1st US President

"Paul Walker is one of the greatest American actors." -4th grader on the obvious

"The 'C'." -3rd grader on the capital of Colorado

"I don't even know, man. I drank a glass of milk and passed out on the couch." -5th grader on the score of the previous nights' Broncos game

It's a coyote dog!

My grandfather told me about hippies. They wear a lot of different things and carry a tambourine. -Jeremiah, 10

Children should not be kept as pets. -Madison, 8

You called me a dude, so you're a man.

I luuv peacocks. -Lilia, 5

I. Am. Hydrate.

 

There is a kid named Jesus here? -on "Hey-Zeus"

Me...my man...me my man. -Dylan, 11

I'm this age. But i'm starting kindergarten, so I might be one more. -Eli, 5

 

Is there a get out of the way light? -regarding construction trucks back-up lights and beeps

 

Hair gel is slippery, but not flammable.

 

This is your work...are you kidding me? -Lauren, 5 on field trips being my occupation

I can't sit right now. My toenails hurt very badly. -Vincent, 7

 

Yesterday was bad-I broke my mouth.

Should we call social services bc his parents smoke? -Dylan, 11

 

I'm getting pretty good at my ninja moves, so can we do some ninja moves soon? -Anja, 5

 

He's not so much in manners yet. -Kira, 7

I'm gonna play on the realzies.

I have something in my eye-I think it's acid. -Vincent, 7

Except bacon is more crunchier and yummier. -Ian, 10

I brushed it. For twenty minutes straight. And I brush my teeth for thirty minutes...uh-ZOMBIE! -Freedom, 7

I would think you're western...and country... and Amish. -Madison, on my accent

We can't just leave a coupon laying around. -Freedom, 7

I think it's called a round Christmas tree. -random 1st grader on wreaths

"And then I puked barf and puke."

"Whoa. That's a long time for livin'."

"This is Justin Beiber."
"No, this is Katy Perry."
"Well, it has a Justin Beiber voice."
"And it says 'Baby'."
"That means he has a wife."

"No! I was onpatient!"

"One time I did something that was danger. I went skydiving off a building. And I landed on my feet, of course."

"I think I smell my mom coming. Actually, that's my dad I think I smell. That's my dad you smell."

"HEY Miss J! Is that how you spell your stinkin' name?!"

"You just took a huge dump on my day."

"She really is that adorable."

"You look very pretty today."
"I know."

"Is that your real voice??"

"You want to talk about failure?" (proceeds to sing Dolly Parton's Jolene)

"My middle name is usually called 'Cinderella'."

"I'm pretty good with nature."

"You know me-I'm a big peanut fan, so I'll have a hamburger before I leave."

"I love the smell of memory."

"Well, it sounds like 'urine,' so add the 'b'."

"That's why it's really important for you to know that."

"What are you, crazy?! Strawberries are not a treat; they are a fruit." -Maya, 4

"I'll call you when I'm in kindergarten."
"Can I have a tiny barrette? I'll pay you three dollars."
"I'm gonna have an ear piercing party. With pumpkin seeds and asparagus."
"They took a spaceship to the center of the earth. Some got suntanned. And some got dead." -Quianna, 4

"I can't even read a book. But when I grow up, I'm gonna be a mom." -Kate, 4

"No kissing at school. No. Kissing. At. School." -Aaron, 4

"High School Musical 3?! This is torture. But the music on Greatest Tank Battles is awesome. I really like the Battle of Kursk." -Jacob, 8

"I will wash my hands. And I am a little person." -Maria, 5

"I'm not illiterate-my parents were married!"

"It is trembling cold outside."

"There is hardly ever a snow day at work."

"Chippy Jon Jones."

"Maybe they're chasing someone, but they forgot to turn on their lights. Or maybe the batteries died. Because police can do that."

"Oh-so your appendix is that thing that hangs in the back of your throat?"

"I don't know what a miracle is, but I know what ameercle is."

"Vampires have fangs and people have veins."

"That smells like caffeine. I've never even had caffeine before."

"Hang tight, dude, I'm working on it."

"They're ducks! Gooses can't go golfing!"

"Are you supposed to be dancing? Or are you supposed to be driving this car?!"

"Stop a moment. Roll a moment. Go a moment."

"This is in color. I thought you said it was in 3D."

"I just think that is so very sad." -Maria, on George Washington's death

"It's their preference and business, so they should be able to choose."

(the title comes from a 5-year old. i ask: how does she know the correct verb tense?)

"I rarely leave the comfort of my own home."

"Hey guys! Want to smell my breath?!"

"There are vitamins in this apple. Are the white spots the vitamins?"

"This is delicious. But maybe not call it ants on a log. Ants that are not raisins. Craisins on a roll. That's what I should say."

"If I was you, my most prized possession would be my house. Otherwise you'd be homeless."

"My granddad has his very own chair."

"My new thing is gonna be wearing men's pajamas."

As most of you know, I am enthralled with camp. I've been smitten since the age of 10. Last weekend I had the opportunity to be the "work crew boss" for Faceplant. Essentially, I got to hang out with 30-odd high school and college kids while we ran the kitchen and dining room for 400 middle schoolers. Yup, these amazing kids sacrificed their weekends to wake up before sunrise to serve little people. Humbling and fascinating.

So...camp. A chance to stop, to change, to rest, to retreat. The anomaly of camp is that it changes time--both compressing and expanding it. What seems like a day is a week, and vice versa. The relationships and experiences one has at camp are enduring and, usually, life-changing. There isn't so much pressure to be, to do, to achieve....blah blah blah. If you've been, you know. If you haven't, you should try it. Take it from this 34-year old: Life is too short to spend it hanging out with adults.

(I've listened to this a few times....so true.)
This American Life #109: Notes on Camp

As for Faceplant specifically, I've been going since 2004. Whether I'm slathering kids' faces with butter, sliding down icy sidewalks (or making them so with giant bowls of water), rocking out to the obnoxious "Party in the USA", or listening to 400 voices sing as one....it's always a good time. This year was a veritable cornocopia of quotables. Nicely done.

"We're just breezingg through naptime." -sophie

"It smells like butthole." -bkainz

"That was a pretty good Andy-girl laugh." -jill

"I'm crewin' all the time" -sarah jonathan zoolz

"It's not really inappropriate if you look at her face." -jill

"Can I see that? Because it's actually a scrub brush, not a broom. ...Hey, I found the scrub brush." -sarah jane

"Are you sure? Because it seems like you're laughing at me." -cameron

"So you would be familiar with the firmness, then." -nikita (insert a jill and sophie knowing glance)

"There's not even music for all the sound I'm producing right now!" -zane

"I don't know if anyone else has my same ding-dong." -sophie

"Well, I guess you're gonna have to get new friends." -bkainz

"Are you sure you're a Christian, man? You might want to send some missionaries to your face, because apparently it doesn't know." -zane

"I would say that I really like broccoli, but I don't." -tate

"Oh, so there's actually a book." -steve the video guy

"SAFARI PLANET!! That's the only thing I could think of to say." -tate

"It was just like a usual day except there was more food."

"I thought he died on a Tuesday, actually." -Jacob on MLK

"How much boys, other than your relatives, have you kissed?"

"Elizabeth is more of a fashion-style girl name."

"I'm such a nitwit."
"Oh, you're not a niblet."

"I used to have two teeth that were loose. Now I only have one. Because I brushed 'em good."

"I'd just get him a water."

"What do you want for Christmas?"
"I don't really ask for anything anymore. Christmas is mostly about being with my family."
"No, that's what Thanksgiving is about. That's what I call it."

"Little guy old, little guy old..."

"I used to think naps were babyish. Now I think naps are good, because you get to sleep in the middle of the day!"

"You kinda look like a rock star in those. Yeah, you look really good in those socks. Like a rockstar. And your hair a little. On the skateboard. Or not riding the skateboard."

"Um, I don't know. Maybe kids playing outside. Or dog poop."

"My grandma and grandpa always speak Spanish, and my parents do sometimes. But I only do a little bit. Because when I was born, they knew I would come out speaking English."

"Your mom has a pretty dog. She must be kinda lucky."

"You know how to say 'corn dog' in Spanish? Corn dog. You know how to say 'hot dog' in Spanish? Hot dog."

"I am not. plain. four."

"Mostly I like to hug my mom because she's warm and she's nice to me."

"Yabba Dabba! Yabba Dabba stinky feet!"

Being that I wasn't around kids much for 3 weeks in August, the pickings are slim. I've just finished 2 weeks of subbing in a contained Challenge Lab, so while there were many things to laugh at, I'm not comfortable posting many of the direct quotes. There's a near promise of hilarity ensuing with my next school adventure, so brace yourself for next month.

"I think the Hunk is kinda babyish." -Jacob, 3rd

"It used to be way worse." -Jacob on a new scar

"Yeah, I can tell. It looks like it was a big scab." -me

"No-I mean it used to be bleeding." -Jacob

"Yeah-I can't argue with my parents for 30 days. AND I have to use my manners. I'm on day 12." -random kid on the playground

"You are a piece of crap." -Josh, 7th

"What did you just say?" -myself and another teacher, simultaneously

"You are a pizza breadstick." -Josh on the rebound

Chart the journey that Balboa took...

(i usually enjoy the out-of-context quote list, but the exchange(s) had with my new friend olivia and the interior monologue that i had on loop that day were too irresistible to NOT post. i'm fully realizing that karma is a comedienne.)

"I don't think anyone can do that right now. Maybe in a long time-like 6 or 7 thousand years. And probably not a person; maybe a machine will be able to figure that out." -Jacob, 8, on fortune telling

"I think both styles of your hair are actually kinda funky." -Jacob on hawk vs. not

"Where's your mom?" -Olivia, 5, sitting behind me on a rafting trip (read: total stranger)
"In Illinois." -me
"Where's your dad?"
"Illinois."
"Why are you alone? How are you doing all by yourself?" (how much time do you have, kid?)
"Because I'm a big kid. I'm an adult."
"No, you're not!" (it's one thing to be questioned or carded by an adult...but a 5-year-old?)
~approximately 20 minutes later~
"Are you a boy or a girl?" (actually, i'm a lesbian. so i'm kinda both. negotiate that! any more questions?)

"So get the crust out." -Jacob on splinters and Chaco foot

"It's none of your business. None of your grown-up business. It's really no grown-up business. It's more me and Mattias' business. I might actually get expelled. Well, in 8th grade. Maybe I shouldn't say this out loud. I might forget about it." -Jacob on $10 and where he got it

"I'm not cool. I don't want to be. It's torture. Then it just makes you popular. Popular is more torture." -Jacob responding to me including him in a group of "cool" people

"Squirrels kinda scare me, because I don't want the rabies."

"Why does the English language have to be so daft? Yes, English is a daft language, if you haven't noticed in your 31 years." -Jacob, now 8 (obviously)

"Tiger Woods is a terrible person."

"Seven?! Seven at the morning?!"

"No, they have pretty good blood pressure, so they want to keep it."

"Bill Gates invented the iPad. He is one of the richest guys in the world. Yeah, it's him and this other guy switching places for the richest. Do you think he gets paid $1,000 sometimes? For his really good decisions?"

"I can't really remember. My mind isn't really letting me know. " -Maria, 4

"Repertoire." -Maria, still just 4

"Yes, there are places left in the world where people are named Penelope!"

(i was recently told that my last quote entries weren't "that funny". that said, i'm bringing it anyhooze. also, as school is out-for-summer, the kid quotes will be fewer and mostly from the ones that i nanny or highpoint kids. still gold, though. still gold. enjoy.)

"I have a terrible sense of remembrance." -Jacob, age 7

"Is that enough 'creatures'?" -Sophie, age 18, on Mary Shelley

"C'mon, people! Are you serious here?!?"- Jacob on InTouch magazine (which he shamefully found in my backseat)
"...it's like a marriage magazine." -after I questioned what he was reading

"What's the big deal of college anyways?" -Jacob
"What do you think is the big deal? the point?" -me
"Tests. Tests. Teeeests." -Jacob

"Why do people pay taxes? I mean, how do they pay them?" -Jacob
"Blah blah blah..." -my explanation, paraphrased
"Never mind for the whole 'paying tax thing'." -Jacob's reaction to that business

" I like Rock Obama." -Maria, age 4
"What do you like about him?" -me
"I like his handsome hair."

"Jill Bradford is interrupting me listening to Kurt. Hey Kurt, what's that thing that I'm never supposed to forget?" -Stefan, age 18

"Michael just laughs at everything Jill says." -Stefan
"Just say his name. Just say his name." -Brian, age 17

"You 2 are like a married black couple." -Michael, age 17

"It feels fuzzy. Like a squirrel."

"Buying red shoes is not a sickness. Scarlett fever is a sickness." -Jacob, 2nd
"Pneumonia is a sickness." -Maria, age 4

"I'm 11. So I have the right to tell people to shut up." -Dorrian, 5th

"John Elway is still living, so he is not dead." -Julian, 4th

"Well, we're still hungry, too. Just because you're pregnant you don't get to each lunch twice." -George, 1st

"That just looks like yoga to me." -Lucy, age 5

"Don't copy mines! You can't have mines."
"...the midget...uh, the little guy, for yous to be happy." -Alex, 5th

"I don't know, but it's a word I'm gonna start saying."

"Well, that makes sense. My sister is almost a man." -Michael, 1st grade

"Your pendant stare does not work on me. I have no soul to burn." -Rosco, 4th

"I don't really think K-Love is that positive."
"I don't call that a headband. I call that a giant ponytail holder"-Jacob, 2nd

"Did you just say grease nugget?" -me
"Miss Bradford, what's a grease nugget?" -Alex, 4th

"You don't figure out how old someone is based on how tall they are." -Jeremy, 5h

"These boys tire me out." -Jayla, kinder

"You were born in the 70s? That's when they made peace." -Ali, 3rd

"Did you bring me a big box of chocolate for Valentine's Day?" -me
"No. OH! But I did get you a rock from recess. It's in my shoe." -Gabriel, 2nd


Me: "Nate."
Nate: "You remind me of my Uncle Emilio."
Me: "I remind you of a man?"
Nate: "Only because you make those funny faces and talk in voices."

Nate: "This one time we had a Michael Jackson wrestling match. I was the white Michael Jackson and my brother was the black Michael Jackson, and my Uncle Emilio was the Chinese referee. You're both funny like that. But he's funnier than you."
Me: "Wow, you are just insulting me all over the place today."
Nate: "I'm sorry. But you shouldn't have brought it up."
Me: "I didn't bring it up; you did."
Nate: "No, you did...by talking in that funny voice."