my kid quotes may be waning, as i now nanny for a 4-month-old. however, the mother of said child is a doozy. i can't say we're cut from the same cloth entirely (she's a Republican...as in has a George W. Bush magnet on her refrigerator and has read his 2 biographies. what?), but our senses of humor line up quite nicely. so here we have the nora version of the quoteblog.
"Well, I hope you wore something low-cut and completely inappropriate." on interviews
"I'm a Republican, Jill; I'm not an idiot." -on palin
"It makes my eyes bleed." -on the huffington post
"I got day drunk. It's my favorite drunk." -on mother's day
"It's not cold enough to wear tights. Nor is it 1986, so pantyhose are out of the question."
"I already thought you were fantastic, but now I want to hump your leg."
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
"Is there a noun I can trust?"
"Can you just ask about transgendered individuals? Right now? Just for me?" -Zach
"Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not friends with blacks or gays." -Todd
"Please come talk to me. Unless you are a woman who struggles with alcoholism. Just a dis-claim-er!" -David
"Why does it always seem like a good idea before we do it?" -Conor
"Oh-three claps for a 91?" -LT
"...and that's how I got beat up in high school." -donread
"It's neard! He has a neck beard. He can't grow facial hair above his jawline! He's harmless." -Charlie
"Unless you bring your kids here, nobody knows." -Seth
"Well, Carmelo left. So there's only about three black people left. There's me, Champ Bailey and then one other dude who works at the food court in the mall."
"No. And stop that." -Leah
"Is it a little fat girl, or is it whatever 'chalupa' means?" -Drew
"He just doesn't know that sometimes there's no talking times." -LT
"Guaranteed. You can't play volleyball and not have a baby." -Yochim
"I thought there was some kind of pre-existing condition. Like health insurance." -Conor
"I think the reason that television was invented is that parades suck." -Todd
"Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not friends with blacks or gays." -Todd
"Please come talk to me. Unless you are a woman who struggles with alcoholism. Just a dis-claim-er!" -David
"Why does it always seem like a good idea before we do it?" -Conor
"Oh-three claps for a 91?" -LT
"...and that's how I got beat up in high school." -donread
"It's neard! He has a neck beard. He can't grow facial hair above his jawline! He's harmless." -Charlie
"Unless you bring your kids here, nobody knows." -Seth
"Well, Carmelo left. So there's only about three black people left. There's me, Champ Bailey and then one other dude who works at the food court in the mall."
"No. And stop that." -Leah
"Is it a little fat girl, or is it whatever 'chalupa' means?" -Drew
"He just doesn't know that sometimes there's no talking times." -LT
"Guaranteed. You can't play volleyball and not have a baby." -Yochim
"I thought there was some kind of pre-existing condition. Like health insurance." -Conor
"I think the reason that television was invented is that parades suck." -Todd
"That's why it's really important for you to know that."
"What are you, crazy?! Strawberries are not a treat; they are a fruit." -Maya, 4
"I'll call you when I'm in kindergarten."
"Can I have a tiny barrette? I'll pay you three dollars."
"I'm gonna have an ear piercing party. With pumpkin seeds and asparagus."
"They took a spaceship to the center of the earth. Some got suntanned. And some got dead." -Quianna, 4
"I can't even read a book. But when I grow up, I'm gonna be a mom." -Kate, 4
"No kissing at school. No. Kissing. At. School." -Aaron, 4
"High School Musical 3?! This is torture. But the music on Greatest Tank Battles is awesome. I really like the Battle of Kursk." -Jacob, 8
"I will wash my hands. And I am a little person." -Maria, 5
"I'll call you when I'm in kindergarten."
"Can I have a tiny barrette? I'll pay you three dollars."
"I'm gonna have an ear piercing party. With pumpkin seeds and asparagus."
"They took a spaceship to the center of the earth. Some got suntanned. And some got dead." -Quianna, 4
"I can't even read a book. But when I grow up, I'm gonna be a mom." -Kate, 4
"No kissing at school. No. Kissing. At. School." -Aaron, 4
"High School Musical 3?! This is torture. But the music on Greatest Tank Battles is awesome. I really like the Battle of Kursk." -Jacob, 8
"I will wash my hands. And I am a little person." -Maria, 5
Monday, May 9, 2011
"There are a thousand things about me I want only you to know..."
i know i've been MIA a while, but i've been busy. and processing. mostly busy. i have been trying my hand as super-nanny, and last week was with 6 families in 5 days. i'm also building up my furry friend list, and have dog sat for 9 dogs in the last month. some of my favorites include a great dane, a boston terrier and a wicked smaaht boxer.
one of the pluses to my new life is that i get to ride my bike. a lot. what bike? the bike i fixed. my church has a non-profit bike shop that is
geared towards alternative transportation. if you're committed to making a bike be your main mode of transport, they'll give you one for free. i had gotten a free bike (1980s mountain bike, no less) from one of my nanny families last fall, but hadn't ever taken it in. well, a couple of months ago i did. the fabulous aaron pott helped me tune it up, overhaul the axles and get on the road.
aside from learning all kinds of bike stuff, i now try to ride at least five miles a day. i save errands like the post office and the bank for morning rides, and have only driven my car about twice a week for the last few months. radtastic. that's a picture of my gnarly rear triangle, including the derailleur and gear wheel.
when i'm riding down broadway, or basically any hill, i like to pretend i'm in an 80s movie. not usually Rad (sorry, daniel tosh). i've certainly laughed a few Pee-Wee style when crossing streets and smiling like an idiot. a few weeks ago, i realized something frightening. kevin came over and we watched Goonies. check this out:
ridiculous. apparently i've unknowingly been channelling josh brolin circa 1985. (ps: i cut my hair. and darkened it. i'll probs be rocking the fauxhawk for summer again soon.)
in other news, i've been working on my etsy site. it's not finished yet, and i've been procrastinating that big time. i haven't advertised it, but a shop in denver that's opening this week contacted me to see if i'd be interested in selling my stuff. righteous. (the etsy site is actually a fundraiser for my church, more info on that when i'm fully up and running.)
lastly, i can't stand it when you hold the door open for someone and they touch the handle as they are walking through. especially if you've obviously been holding it for them. geez a lou. seriously? thought i'd hold it just up until the second you were crossing the threshold, then i was gonna let go. people.
one of the pluses to my new life is that i get to ride my bike. a lot. what bike? the bike i fixed. my church has a non-profit bike shop that is
geared towards alternative transportation. if you're committed to making a bike be your main mode of transport, they'll give you one for free. i had gotten a free bike (1980s mountain bike, no less) from one of my nanny families last fall, but hadn't ever taken it in. well, a couple of months ago i did. the fabulous aaron pott helped me tune it up, overhaul the axles and get on the road. aside from learning all kinds of bike stuff, i now try to ride at least five miles a day. i save errands like the post office and the bank for morning rides, and have only driven my car about twice a week for the last few months. radtastic. that's a picture of my gnarly rear triangle, including the derailleur and gear wheel.
when i'm riding down broadway, or basically any hill, i like to pretend i'm in an 80s movie. not usually Rad (sorry, daniel tosh). i've certainly laughed a few Pee-Wee style when crossing streets and smiling like an idiot. a few weeks ago, i realized something frightening. kevin came over and we watched Goonies. check this out:
ridiculous. apparently i've unknowingly been channelling josh brolin circa 1985. (ps: i cut my hair. and darkened it. i'll probs be rocking the fauxhawk for summer again soon.)
in other news, i've been working on my etsy site. it's not finished yet, and i've been procrastinating that big time. i haven't advertised it, but a shop in denver that's opening this week contacted me to see if i'd be interested in selling my stuff. righteous. (the etsy site is actually a fundraiser for my church, more info on that when i'm fully up and running.)
lastly, i can't stand it when you hold the door open for someone and they touch the handle as they are walking through. especially if you've obviously been holding it for them. geez a lou. seriously? thought i'd hold it just up until the second you were crossing the threshold, then i was gonna let go. people.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
"So anything from Kathy goes into a Jazzercise folder."
"Look at you! You're from a Hanna Barbera cartoon. Expect him to get into the Mystery Machine." -John Wynne
"This is Colfax. Be Somebody."
"I don't do stand-up. I do sit down."
"It's like a college level sociology experiment in here." -LT
"What else do you need? Pretty boys and Taco Bell." -Edub
"OK; what do I do with this kid so that I don't break it?" -Sanjay
"Forsooth. And then you end it with depression." -Mike/Tim
"I have made a decision to be stupid and I'm stickin' to it!" -Flanders
"They're just a couple of Bubbas from Alabama." -Gary Wysocki
"It's like the difference between a fiddle and a banjo." -Gary on Indy
"Look at these technological bros with their f^ckin' faces." -Hanna
"I understand that there's a lot of anger going on down there-but I cut off my hand, I don't need a mop." -Randell
"I am the Bobby Fischer of Connect Four!" -John Wynne
"If my nuts blow up at this point, why would you care?" -Tom
"No, I've only seen his big ol' meat head." -Jess
"That's like asking Bambi to act like an a*^hole." -Alicia
"I'm afraid there might be snakes in my area." -JRe
"This is Colfax. Be Somebody."
"I don't do stand-up. I do sit down."
"It's like a college level sociology experiment in here." -LT
"What else do you need? Pretty boys and Taco Bell." -Edub
"OK; what do I do with this kid so that I don't break it?" -Sanjay
"Forsooth. And then you end it with depression." -Mike/Tim
"I have made a decision to be stupid and I'm stickin' to it!" -Flanders
"They're just a couple of Bubbas from Alabama." -Gary Wysocki
"It's like the difference between a fiddle and a banjo." -Gary on Indy
"Look at these technological bros with their f^ckin' faces." -Hanna
"I understand that there's a lot of anger going on down there-but I cut off my hand, I don't need a mop." -Randell
"I am the Bobby Fischer of Connect Four!" -John Wynne
"If my nuts blow up at this point, why would you care?" -Tom
"No, I've only seen his big ol' meat head." -Jess
"That's like asking Bambi to act like an a*^hole." -Alicia
"I'm afraid there might be snakes in my area." -JRe
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