"Let's go out there, cause some trouble, and fall in love."

Random list o' buckets:

• conversational Spanish
• glow bocce league
• make curtains for sunporch
• organize sunporch
• do fashion show closet purge redeux with the ladies
• host a clothing swap
• reclaim my yoga practice
• write philosophy of education paper
• start improv philosophy before September 20th classes 
• ESL class
• master sewing pockets on dresses
• eventually crafting a wide banded pencil skirt with said pockets  
• resume my church-of-one movie-going experiences
• do a superlative roadtrip covering new ground...utah? montana? idaho? hrmmmm.
• practice my tap dancing
• resume regularly donating blood
• learn to fix and maintain my Royal typewriter 

Survival of the (not) Fittest -or- How 7-11 is slowly taking over the world

(this post is originally from April...blogger has changed, and it automatically updates. i'm annoyed that my posts will no longer carry the original dates. grr.)

colorado's fine weather has officially kicked in, so i'm riding my bike a ton again. welp, and my car died. in the eisenhower tunnel. that's a story for another day. essentially, i'm biking to the bus and back every day for work. have been for a little over a month. it's pretty rad...i'm on my bike for about 40 minutes a day, and on the bus for roughly the same. AND I GET TO PEOPLE WATCH AND EAVESDROP on the bus. sometimes a hassle, but mostly it's rad.

-not only can you not RIDE your bike on the 16th Street Mall, you also can't even take your bike on the shuttle bus. that's wack. especially considering that the bus advertises alternative transportation and how savvy it is to save gas. not to mention that there ARE NO BIKE LINES ON 15th or 17th. seriously wack. riddle me this: one day, whilst riding between Welton and Lawrence, the shuttle bus was driving ALONGSIDE me. what the what?

-in my opinion, the suburbs are worse. no bike lanes, no shoulders. way to go, colorado. there's this willow tree that i ride by, and since there is no lane and no shoulder, i smack myself in the face with it's low-hanging branches about 33% of the time. (i think i'm done complaining now.)

-i lied. more complaining. in the 'burbs, there are some pretty excellent bike paths. like little roads for bikes. except they're also for horses. which means poop in the way. gross.

-by the end of the year, i will ride the entire 12ish miles of hills to school and back. keeping in mind that suburban hills are very different from city hills, i'm taking it one way at a time. i found a sign on the arvada side that reads Platte River: 7 Miles, so i've got a solid frame of reference for what the ride entails. maybe the last week i'll do the entire commute. (i'm also doing a 5k at the end of april. hrmmm.)

"when i can't remember what grace is...."

.:in the loneliest places:.
tell me, once again, who i am.

wow.
geez.a.lou.

don't get me started on cheezeball contemporary christian music. if you have before, you know how cynical and haughty i can be. horrible. both the music and my attitude...but mostly the music.

then
every now and again
even the coldest of hearts
has a moment
where she turns to that station
and
hears
a beautifully simple song
that answers the only prayer
she's earnestly been making over the last year.

doesn't make the song a great work of art.
or the video any better.
but it makes a difference.
still processing that.

"Don't pick me up, I'm fine right where I am."

-I have been missing Illinois sumpin' fierce these past few weeks. Not going back this summer is a killer. I'll be back in October, but it's so not the same. My connection with geography and landscape is

-Super redeeming conversations with kids recently. Doesn't necessarily convince me that I'm in the right place for now, but it does give me a little boost to know I'm making a difference for the little ones.

-While driving the other day, I heard a song by a band that I'm friends with...it took me back to the place in time when they were just getting some notoriety around Denver. I remember going to their shows and being wicked excited for what was to come for them. In general, there was a hopeful feeling for my life then. Recently I've experienced a lack of hope. Kind of an all-encompassing one. Yikes. Newness is not something that's been near to me in a quite a bit. Hrrmm...

-However, my friend GBinder and I just started a new project that may change that. It's mostly top secret, but we're both anticipating big things on the horizon by the end of the year. Baby action steps for now.

-Since I started my big girl job, lazy mornings, bike rides and coffeeshops have been replaced with early bedtimes, naps and movies. Le sigh. However, I am taking advantage of this afternoon at Crema. Love the large versions of my little chair here. And the Herkimmer is pretty killer, too.

-The increase in movie-watching is thanks to Kevin. However, our living arrangement agrees with me. The other night I made dinner and then he treated to ice cream....followed by some foos. Normal night. Solid night.

The Kickball Metaphors (or Thoughts from a Bike)

-music should fit the atmosphere. specifically if you've obviously worked at creating an atmosphere. por ejemplo: r & b, southern rock, and john lee hooker do not equal Gypsy House Cafe. all three were heard there recently. it was super disconcerting.

-i made perhaps the perfect summer scarf last night. i found a funzie fabric with little kids swinging from trees, which i used with a small blue floral print remnant. if you still haven't checked out my stuff, you can support a terrific cause by clicking on my etsy site. (the cause would be Scum of the Earth.)

-"Because you can't decide if you're a vehicle or a pedestrian." that's right, mandykeller, i can't. as i ride my bike everywhere, i oftentimes find myself above the law. well, in my head anyways. i also find myself talking to cars (even more than when driving) and pointing, saying things like "SCOOT-SCOOT-SCOOT-ER-ROO!" when they aren't doing what i'd like.

-mostly i love that i'm noticing more and more about where i live. stuff i haven't noticed before. the habit of going to new bookstores and coffeeshops is accompanied by eating brunch by myself at a newly discovered locale every monday.

-you also have the opportunity to notice and engage with people when you're biking. random three-sentence conversations happen, and you actually see the motorcycle with two wheels in the front (what is that all about, anyway?) and have time to think about it.

-regardless of the mode of transportation, i am thoroughly annoyed by people who sloooow down to turn right. especially when one-way streets are involved. grrr.

-for some reason, toni braxton's "Unbreak My Heart" has been in my head today. i'll go ahead and blame the gypsy house for that.

-so there's this neighbor kid, maybe 7-years-old, who rides a blue bike. he's taken to saying "Hi" to me quite often. our neighborhood isn't exactly booming with kids, and i think his parents only let him ride on the sidewalk on our side of the block. lately every time i come home on my bike, he rides over to say hey. he usually sits on his bike at the end of our walk and waits until i pull my bike up the stairs. maybe i'll ask his name and have a new bff.

-originally i was going to philosophize on how kickball scenarios translate quite well into real life situations, but i've lost the gusto for it. essentially, there is much to be said for being aware of others, but just as much to be said for being focused on yourself. maybe i'll keep that brewing and report back. cover, stir, simmer.

-in a somewhat related circle of thought, i have found myself being way too apologetic in some instances. as in with my entire being. not necessarily a pushover, but certainly more permissible than usual. i'mma work that out, too.

"There are a thousand things about me I want only you to know..."

i know i've been MIA a while, but i've been busy. and processing. mostly busy. i have been trying my hand as super-nanny, and last week was with 6 families in 5 days. i'm also building up my furry friend list, and have dog sat for 9 dogs in the last month. some of my favorites include a great dane, a boston terrier and a wicked smaaht boxer.


one of the pluses to my new life is that i get to ride my bike. a lot. what bike? the bike i fixed. my church has a non-profit bike shop that is geared towards alternative transportation. if you're committed to making a bike be your main mode of transport, they'll give you one for free. i had gotten a free bike (1980s mountain bike, no less) from one of my nanny families last fall, but hadn't ever taken it in. well, a couple of months ago i did. the fabulous aaron pott helped me tune it up, overhaul the axles and get on the road.

aside from learning all kinds of bike stuff, i now try to ride at least five miles a day. i save errands like the post office and the bank for morning rides, and have only driven my car about twice a week for the last few months. radtastic. that's a picture of my gnarly rear triangle, including the derailleur and gear wheel.



when i'm riding down broadway, or basically any hill, i like to pretend i'm in an 80s movie. not usually Rad (sorry, daniel tosh). i've certainly laughed a few Pee-Wee style when crossing streets and smiling like an idiot. a few weeks ago, i realized something frightening. kevin came over and we watched Goonies. check this out:















ridiculous. apparently i've unknowingly been channelling josh brolin circa 1985. (ps: i cut my hair. and darkened it. i'll probs be rocking the fauxhawk for summer again soon.)

in other news, i've been working on my etsy site. it's not finished yet, and i've been procrastinating that big time. i haven't advertised it, but a shop in denver that's opening this week contacted me to see if i'd be interested in selling my stuff. righteous. (the etsy site is actually a fundraiser for my church, more info on that when i'm fully up and running.)

lastly, i can't stand it when you hold the door open for someone and they touch the handle as they are walking through. especially if you've obviously been holding it for them. geez a lou. seriously? thought i'd hold it just up until the second you were crossing the threshold, then i was gonna let go. people.

"Joe, who was not very moral, had no revulsion for the pit; he liked it."

-Even a bad Weezer song is still a pretty good song.

-The universe might be nudging me to do an art project with hubcaps. I saw random hubcaps on the sidewalk for three days in a row. Then I took note, thought about the project. AND SAW RANDOM HUBCAPS AMOK FOR THE FOLLOWING FOUR DAYS.

-Typing of art projects, I may make this blog even more schizophrenic and start posting photos of my handmade stuff. The glue gun and I have spent some quality time together recently. As a result, I am sporting a flower in my hair every day this week. (Well, and I'm not sure what I'm doing with the hair situation, so the buds are a helpful distraction while I figure it out.)

-I'm not sure if I'm exactly a creature of habit, but if I were, I've broken out of habits lately. I started sitting in a new coffee shop to read. AND I started walking Cheesman Park instead of City Park. Whoa, nelly. Sweet Valley High! Shark Farts!

-Hopefully heading southwest instead of northeast will change my headspace a bit. I'm also starting an improv class, so perhaps something will break loose within.

-On said walks, I was able to wear shorts and my chacos for three days in a row. woot-the tan line is back. I also wore heels and a dress two nights in a row...one night with bare legs. February in Colorado is blissful. (Make sure to remind me of that when it dumps snow here in April.)

-The other day when I was crossing Colfax, I was reminded of Broadway in Chicago. Weird.

-The other night I washed my sheets AND took a shower (unheard of, I know. triple whammy: my legs are shaved.). anyhooze, i stayed in bed a good amount of time extra after i woke, just so i could rub my feet together. simply the best.

"I don't understand fishing metaphors!!"

...and everyone knows that sardines are super gross.

-every morning (or early afternoon, don't judge) i walk down the block to St. Mark's. this past week i've loved digging into the snow packed sidewalk heels first to hear the crunch. like my friend bobby mcferrin says, simple pleasures are the best. now that everything is melted, stomped down or iced over, my morning was a bit empty.

-speaking of St. Mark's: the first guy to ever remember my drink perfectly called me "Jane" today. yesterday, too. after five months of calling me by my actual name. (post script: he called me by the right name yesterday.)

-i took a few boxes of winter clothes downtown to hand out to the homeless. in lieu of dropping them off at goodwill or the rescue mission, i went to the park to mingle with the people. i was offered drugs no less than 3 times. my favorite interaction was with a tiny asian man yelling, "What.can.I.have?! What.can.I.have?!" like a shotgun as i put a box on the bench.

-having an argument with an 8-year-old every afternoon about whether or not he has to wear a coat when it's 35 degrees outside is awesome. it's super rad to have that same discussion with a 6-year-old every morning.

-i finally hung up my bookshelves before i went to illinois. i then finally unpacked my books when i came back. half of them are still at poshak's, but of the 12 boxes now shelved, i'm guessing that i've read half of them. re-read 10%. for my own enjoyment, i'm gonna count tonight. i'll post my tally to see how accurate i am. (book counts as follows: on shelves: 574; read: 364/64%; re-read: 105/18%)

-my january is looking uber busy. faceplant next weekend, a play i'm doing the following two, and matt flies in from chicago tonight. he's never been to denver, so we're gonna tour the town all day saturday. and tonight he's invited me to join a "bunch of choir queens" for drinks. woot.

I never knew that Charlie Brown could change a person's entire personality.

• I really don't like Jack Johnson.
• When I watch movies of people walking around NYC, just exploring, sitting in coffee shops, sitting in parks...I get inspired to go there, to do that. But when I do it in Denver (nearly a daily occurrence), I just feel lazy and guilty. I miss Chicago lately. When I made my plans to go home for the holidays, I felt ok not including it in my trip. Now I miss it immensely.
• It's crazy to me that if you ask someone for directions here, they will most likely have no idea what to tell you. Streets don't run through. Unless you're in the city, you'll get a response similar to, "I'm from up north." What? Denver isn't that big. Chicago is...and if you ask most people anywhere, suburbs or not, they'll be able to tell you.
• I can't decide if I should cut my hair again or start growing it out.
• Lately, I've realized that I used to write things of substance. Perhaps I'll visit my old blog, import them here and find some inspiration.
• No matter where you are in Denver metro, you have a stunning and separately new view of the mountains. I love that.
• There are squirrels living in the wall at the head of my bed. My neighbor told me months ago that he can look out his window and see the spot where they get into the eaves, and that he watches them. I didn't think anything of it. Now that it gets colder at night, they are scurrying (that's a delicate word for what they do) about and it TERRIFIES me.
• Today I'm wearing a short-sleeved dress. It's still 60 here. In 2 weeks I'll be in Illinois. Not ready for that (my winter coats are still in a box in the basement) quite yet. When I talked to Zane yesterday, he said the words seven degrees, snow, and ice. Yikes. I looked at the 10-day forecast just now. For Monday? Denver: 62; Galesburg: 11. I can feel my nose hairs freezing already.

"Gray her dad today, but she was at the mother with her mom."

If I was a dude, I think it'd be cool to be a lawyer. Not necessarily for the work, but so that when I introduced myself I could say "Esquire" after my name. Like, "Tom McMahon, Esquire."

Being a lady lawyer, though, the introduction doesn't sound as impressive. "Regina Philange, Lady Esquire." That just sounds like a solicitation.

"C'mon, keep it going...If you love me then I'll love you back."

(shout out to lish: the blog title is a lyric, and it applies! even if the song is actually some nasty 90s rap...it really does apply, just not in that context. thankyoudrivethru.)

this post is coming at you MDL "cheerios" style. i believe that if i always blogged this way, i'd post waaay (with 3 a's) more frequently. face facts: jill can tell a story. and jill can give some details. banal minutiae? read on.

• paul simon has the uncanny ability to always solicit a mood from me. all sorts of them. me likey. funny...i almost listened to Bridge Over Troubled Water last night, skipped it in favor of Science Partner. then Graceland was on at St. Mark's this afternoon. oh, paul.


• given that i was a math major, i've recently discovered that a 45% spanish speaking population is nowhere near as intimidating as a 92% spanish speaking population. as my little buddy skippyjon would say, "HOLY GUACAMOLE!" students in grades K-3 have the choice of English or Spanish language instruction, so it's intense to have over half of the students NOT be able to understand what you say to them. needless to say, my intermediate skill is proving useful....but, holy frijoles, doodlepaws! i shall be enrolling in some professional development courses to increase my fluency.

• my new school is near The Breakfast King. i'm hoping to convince the novo pharisees to meet there early one day this week. every experience i've had there has been phenomenal. today i was fondly remembering a visit there. tnads, KBX, edubs, gabe & i had been at a show at the gothic. i believe it was Born in the Flood and Meese? definitely Nathan & Stephen. i didn't like them yet. we had seen scott brabson & ian knox there. wearing red stocking caps a la Steve Zissou. after the show the 5 of us crammed into my car and headed up broadway for some Breakfast King....picture it: huddled in a roundish-rectangular booth, surrounded by cheese and grease (both the entrees and the company), quoting random will ferrell. suck it, trebek!, kicking and screaming, harry caray...to the max! a magical night, indeed.


• laundry. ugh. i've not done any since i was back home in illinois over labor day. ugh again. since moving to the new place, it's never been a problem to find the machines open. the past 2 days, there's been a backlog of baskets waiting. what? someone had a bona fide little mermaid outfit on a drying rack down there yesterday. for a minute i thought micah was still one of my roommates. weird. considering that the laundry has considerate of your neighbors hours of 10am-10pm, and my standard hours of operation are 10pm-2am, this may be a problem.


• it seems to be autumn for everyone....this one may not be a bullet point, but turn into an actual meaty entry. basically, i do not know anyone who is not trudging through some serious stuff right now. not your basic "I'm-stressed-out-life-is-rough-I'm-so-depressed" kind of stuff, either. divorce, miscarriage, moving, adultery, chronic and terminal illness. make or break you deals. i was talking with my friend eric the other day, and it's obvious that this becomes difficult for those of us who aren't experiencing this because we are invested in the lives of those who are. if we love like we profess, want to truly walk out what we claim to believe, to hold dear...then we must walk along the pain, even when we have nothing to say, to add, to pick up....it's oddly freeing to be in this place of constrictions. i don't feel like we're grown-up enough to have to be dealing with these issues, but perhaps it's that we're finally grown-up enough to deal with them.


• my car will never be clean. this may seem a bit of an obvious conclusion for those of you who've attempted to ride in my car...well, ever...but i actually washed and cleaned it out this weekend. and it is still disgusting. given my daily commutes and the hours i spend in the trusty civic, i've resigned myself to no longer even operating under the pretense that i intend to change it.


• i've been missing my long hair this week. it took 6 months, but i do. however, i think i'll do the hawk one more time before i grow it out to donate again.


• the past 2 weeks have found me making regular trips to Second Spin or Twist & Shout to look for music. i've dropped nearly $40 each time. mostly replacing what was stolen, but some recent stuff. i'm currently (and very newly) infatuated with The National. they'll be playing in denver on the 18th, if you're interested...holler. other listenings on heavy rotations: william fitzsimmons, bonnie "prince" billy, architecture in helsinki, eels, paper bird, and magnetic fields.
  


• i ate ice cream for lunch. seriously. oh, you weren't questioning me, were you? don't worry, for dessert i headed to st. mark's for an americano. keepin' it healthy on the regular.


• lunchtime found me listening to the back in the day cafe....and it was guud. it took me to Kansas City with my dad yelling random names out the driver's window. then to the beaches of Florida in the back of the '90 Caravan with Fresh...."I've been known to cut a rug." and my midwestern parents response: "You kids are going to get us shot!"

if you're way into these lists, check out some older posts that i'd saved as drafts for a hot minute. they're here and here.

"Let's be honest, Jill would recycle a used napkin if you'd let her."

quite some time back (uuum, may the 6th to be exact, according to the journal entry) i decided that i would steal nicole's idea. she posts "Random" lists in lieu of a full blog entry, and i thought this might help me get over my not wanting to write/not prepared to share phase. false. all i did was begin compiling little random lists in even more random places. over a month later, i am looking at these hash marked scraps of paper wondering what i meant when i originally wrote them....others i remember vividly and have been thinking all the more about them. so we'll see what comes out. geez a lou.

• i used to despise aspen trees. now i not only enjoy them, i delight in them.
• my fantasy band is named Foghorn Leghorn. in it, i play the banjo. we do shows at the Grizzly Rose.
• there is no feeling as melancholy and indescribable as finishing a good book.
• it bugs me that i didn't appreciate living in a commuter city when i lived in one, given as much as i miss that vibe now that i don't. i've become such a driver that i frustrate myself.
• billie joe armstrong is one cool cat. KERPLUNK! has always been my favorite Green Day album, but i've put it back into heavy rotation lately. then i heard him on Fresh Air with Terry Gross and figured out that i always want to be a scene kid. and would love it if i met my husband by a dumpster outside of the (insert bar here).
• seeing The Tallest Man on Earth open for Nathaniel Rateliff at the Bluebird last month was superb. it reminded me of everything i love about live music, about any music. mostly i revel in the experience...shows being, at once, both wholly communal and completely individual an occurrence. somehow, among the expected and even the surprises, i am always caught off guard. that's guud stuff right there.
• i love "p" words. always have. lately they've popped up everywhere: proclivity, purloined, perplexed...i need to utilize (uuh, practice?) them in conversation.
• red ants still freak my freak. after the beachfront path experience in South Carolina in 2006, i haven't seen them often. but, when i do...man, oh man.
• i've found myself revisiting old places of importance.
• i'm learning how to navigate using a language that was taught to me (in earnest) by a church i no longer see fruit from....that separation used to be hard, now i just know that it's time. i mean, read the first part of that. how could i begin to justify staying? tried that before.
• Bon Jovi, Steven Tyler and Mick Jagger are not the same person. nor are they in the same band. just a friendly reminder.
• i did a day of silence back in april. i'm feeling it's high time to do that again.
• hearing any southern rock or bob seger makes me miss my dad. and want to be at a bradford family wedding reception.
• sitting in st. mark's as i write this, i notice a heart above the counter. lots of little intricacies that i didn't notice when i was here for the first time, on a first date (gack!), back in december.
• lately i've dug some lenka, soul coughing and frank turner for my eers. check them out.