"I'm not illiterate-my parents were married!"

"It is trembling cold outside."

"There is hardly ever a snow day at work."

"Chippy Jon Jones."

"Maybe they're chasing someone, but they forgot to turn on their lights. Or maybe the batteries died. Because police can do that."

"Oh-so your appendix is that thing that hangs in the back of your throat?"

"I don't know what a miracle is, but I know what ameercle is."

"Vampires have fangs and people have veins."

"That smells like caffeine. I've never even had caffeine before."

"Hang tight, dude, I'm working on it."

"They're ducks! Gooses can't go golfing!"

"Are you supposed to be dancing? Or are you supposed to be driving this car?!"

"Stop a moment. Roll a moment. Go a moment."

"This is in color. I thought you said it was in 3D."

"I just think that is so very sad." -Maria, on George Washington's death