my kid quotes may be waning, as i now nanny for a 4-month-old. however, the mother of said child is a doozy. i can't say we're cut from the same cloth entirely (she's a Republican...as in has a George W. Bush magnet on her refrigerator and has read his 2 biographies. what?), but our senses of humor line up quite nicely. so here we have the nora version of the quoteblog.
"Well, I hope you wore something low-cut and completely inappropriate." on interviews
"I'm a Republican, Jill; I'm not an idiot." -on palin
"It makes my eyes bleed." -on the huffington post
"I got day drunk. It's my favorite drunk." -on mother's day
"It's not cold enough to wear tights. Nor is it 1986, so pantyhose are out of the question."
"I already thought you were fantastic, but now I want to hump your leg."
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
"Is there a noun I can trust?"
"Can you just ask about transgendered individuals? Right now? Just for me?" -Zach
"Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not friends with blacks or gays." -Todd
"Please come talk to me. Unless you are a woman who struggles with alcoholism. Just a dis-claim-er!" -David
"Why does it always seem like a good idea before we do it?" -Conor
"Oh-three claps for a 91?" -LT
"...and that's how I got beat up in high school." -donread
"It's neard! He has a neck beard. He can't grow facial hair above his jawline! He's harmless." -Charlie
"Unless you bring your kids here, nobody knows." -Seth
"Well, Carmelo left. So there's only about three black people left. There's me, Champ Bailey and then one other dude who works at the food court in the mall."
"No. And stop that." -Leah
"Is it a little fat girl, or is it whatever 'chalupa' means?" -Drew
"He just doesn't know that sometimes there's no talking times." -LT
"Guaranteed. You can't play volleyball and not have a baby." -Yochim
"I thought there was some kind of pre-existing condition. Like health insurance." -Conor
"I think the reason that television was invented is that parades suck." -Todd
"Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not friends with blacks or gays." -Todd
"Please come talk to me. Unless you are a woman who struggles with alcoholism. Just a dis-claim-er!" -David
"Why does it always seem like a good idea before we do it?" -Conor
"Oh-three claps for a 91?" -LT
"...and that's how I got beat up in high school." -donread
"It's neard! He has a neck beard. He can't grow facial hair above his jawline! He's harmless." -Charlie
"Unless you bring your kids here, nobody knows." -Seth
"Well, Carmelo left. So there's only about three black people left. There's me, Champ Bailey and then one other dude who works at the food court in the mall."
"No. And stop that." -Leah
"Is it a little fat girl, or is it whatever 'chalupa' means?" -Drew
"He just doesn't know that sometimes there's no talking times." -LT
"Guaranteed. You can't play volleyball and not have a baby." -Yochim
"I thought there was some kind of pre-existing condition. Like health insurance." -Conor
"I think the reason that television was invented is that parades suck." -Todd
"That's why it's really important for you to know that."
"What are you, crazy?! Strawberries are not a treat; they are a fruit." -Maya, 4
"I'll call you when I'm in kindergarten."
"Can I have a tiny barrette? I'll pay you three dollars."
"I'm gonna have an ear piercing party. With pumpkin seeds and asparagus."
"They took a spaceship to the center of the earth. Some got suntanned. And some got dead." -Quianna, 4
"I can't even read a book. But when I grow up, I'm gonna be a mom." -Kate, 4
"No kissing at school. No. Kissing. At. School." -Aaron, 4
"High School Musical 3?! This is torture. But the music on Greatest Tank Battles is awesome. I really like the Battle of Kursk." -Jacob, 8
"I will wash my hands. And I am a little person." -Maria, 5
"I'll call you when I'm in kindergarten."
"Can I have a tiny barrette? I'll pay you three dollars."
"I'm gonna have an ear piercing party. With pumpkin seeds and asparagus."
"They took a spaceship to the center of the earth. Some got suntanned. And some got dead." -Quianna, 4
"I can't even read a book. But when I grow up, I'm gonna be a mom." -Kate, 4
"No kissing at school. No. Kissing. At. School." -Aaron, 4
"High School Musical 3?! This is torture. But the music on Greatest Tank Battles is awesome. I really like the Battle of Kursk." -Jacob, 8
"I will wash my hands. And I am a little person." -Maria, 5
Monday, May 9, 2011
"There are a thousand things about me I want only you to know..."
i know i've been MIA a while, but i've been busy. and processing. mostly busy. i have been trying my hand as super-nanny, and last week was with 6 families in 5 days. i'm also building up my furry friend list, and have dog sat for 9 dogs in the last month. some of my favorites include a great dane, a boston terrier and a wicked smaaht boxer.
one of the pluses to my new life is that i get to ride my bike. a lot. what bike? the bike i fixed. my church has a non-profit bike shop that is
geared towards alternative transportation. if you're committed to making a bike be your main mode of transport, they'll give you one for free. i had gotten a free bike (1980s mountain bike, no less) from one of my nanny families last fall, but hadn't ever taken it in. well, a couple of months ago i did. the fabulous aaron pott helped me tune it up, overhaul the axles and get on the road.
aside from learning all kinds of bike stuff, i now try to ride at least five miles a day. i save errands like the post office and the bank for morning rides, and have only driven my car about twice a week for the last few months. radtastic. that's a picture of my gnarly rear triangle, including the derailleur and gear wheel.
when i'm riding down broadway, or basically any hill, i like to pretend i'm in an 80s movie. not usually Rad (sorry, daniel tosh). i've certainly laughed a few Pee-Wee style when crossing streets and smiling like an idiot. a few weeks ago, i realized something frightening. kevin came over and we watched Goonies. check this out:
ridiculous. apparently i've unknowingly been channelling josh brolin circa 1985. (ps: i cut my hair. and darkened it. i'll probs be rocking the fauxhawk for summer again soon.)
in other news, i've been working on my etsy site. it's not finished yet, and i've been procrastinating that big time. i haven't advertised it, but a shop in denver that's opening this week contacted me to see if i'd be interested in selling my stuff. righteous. (the etsy site is actually a fundraiser for my church, more info on that when i'm fully up and running.)
lastly, i can't stand it when you hold the door open for someone and they touch the handle as they are walking through. especially if you've obviously been holding it for them. geez a lou. seriously? thought i'd hold it just up until the second you were crossing the threshold, then i was gonna let go. people.
one of the pluses to my new life is that i get to ride my bike. a lot. what bike? the bike i fixed. my church has a non-profit bike shop that is
geared towards alternative transportation. if you're committed to making a bike be your main mode of transport, they'll give you one for free. i had gotten a free bike (1980s mountain bike, no less) from one of my nanny families last fall, but hadn't ever taken it in. well, a couple of months ago i did. the fabulous aaron pott helped me tune it up, overhaul the axles and get on the road. aside from learning all kinds of bike stuff, i now try to ride at least five miles a day. i save errands like the post office and the bank for morning rides, and have only driven my car about twice a week for the last few months. radtastic. that's a picture of my gnarly rear triangle, including the derailleur and gear wheel.
when i'm riding down broadway, or basically any hill, i like to pretend i'm in an 80s movie. not usually Rad (sorry, daniel tosh). i've certainly laughed a few Pee-Wee style when crossing streets and smiling like an idiot. a few weeks ago, i realized something frightening. kevin came over and we watched Goonies. check this out:
ridiculous. apparently i've unknowingly been channelling josh brolin circa 1985. (ps: i cut my hair. and darkened it. i'll probs be rocking the fauxhawk for summer again soon.)
in other news, i've been working on my etsy site. it's not finished yet, and i've been procrastinating that big time. i haven't advertised it, but a shop in denver that's opening this week contacted me to see if i'd be interested in selling my stuff. righteous. (the etsy site is actually a fundraiser for my church, more info on that when i'm fully up and running.)
lastly, i can't stand it when you hold the door open for someone and they touch the handle as they are walking through. especially if you've obviously been holding it for them. geez a lou. seriously? thought i'd hold it just up until the second you were crossing the threshold, then i was gonna let go. people.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
"So anything from Kathy goes into a Jazzercise folder."
"Look at you! You're from a Hanna Barbera cartoon. Expect him to get into the Mystery Machine." -John Wynne
"This is Colfax. Be Somebody."
"I don't do stand-up. I do sit down."
"It's like a college level sociology experiment in here." -LT
"What else do you need? Pretty boys and Taco Bell." -Edub
"OK; what do I do with this kid so that I don't break it?" -Sanjay
"Forsooth. And then you end it with depression." -Mike/Tim
"I have made a decision to be stupid and I'm stickin' to it!" -Flanders
"They're just a couple of Bubbas from Alabama." -Gary Wysocki
"It's like the difference between a fiddle and a banjo." -Gary on Indy
"Look at these technological bros with their f^ckin' faces." -Hanna
"I understand that there's a lot of anger going on down there-but I cut off my hand, I don't need a mop." -Randell
"I am the Bobby Fischer of Connect Four!" -John Wynne
"If my nuts blow up at this point, why would you care?" -Tom
"No, I've only seen his big ol' meat head." -Jess
"That's like asking Bambi to act like an a*^hole." -Alicia
"I'm afraid there might be snakes in my area." -JRe
"This is Colfax. Be Somebody."
"I don't do stand-up. I do sit down."
"It's like a college level sociology experiment in here." -LT
"What else do you need? Pretty boys and Taco Bell." -Edub
"OK; what do I do with this kid so that I don't break it?" -Sanjay
"Forsooth. And then you end it with depression." -Mike/Tim
"I have made a decision to be stupid and I'm stickin' to it!" -Flanders
"They're just a couple of Bubbas from Alabama." -Gary Wysocki
"It's like the difference between a fiddle and a banjo." -Gary on Indy
"Look at these technological bros with their f^ckin' faces." -Hanna
"I understand that there's a lot of anger going on down there-but I cut off my hand, I don't need a mop." -Randell
"I am the Bobby Fischer of Connect Four!" -John Wynne
"If my nuts blow up at this point, why would you care?" -Tom
"No, I've only seen his big ol' meat head." -Jess
"That's like asking Bambi to act like an a*^hole." -Alicia
"I'm afraid there might be snakes in my area." -JRe
Monday, April 4, 2011
Everybody falls in small degrees.
(fair warning: this is totes mcgotes a 'memory lane' post. i was watching the first season of Scrubs. stellar music. recollections included.)
i vividly remember a phone conversation that i had in the winter of 2000/2001. i'd been living in chicago for about 6 months, and had been "broken up" with the "first boy to ever make me cry" for almost a year. having previously been one of my best friends, we were just (and finally) at the point where we could have random and unawkward conversations. he had called to tell me about a band that he thought i would like. the number of people whose taste in music i unquestionably trust is few, but this guy just knew me. (he was right about the Old 97s, too.)
the other memories i have attached to this music is nearly, if not more, vivid. taking the train to evanston to see Vanilla Sky, stopping by a random record shop beforehand. renting a car to drive home one random weekend, this in the cd player as i parked at the cemetery one snowy afternoon to visit mike's grave. so many thoughts about thomas wolfe....
i once saw Earlimart at the hi-dive. they make the short list of bands who put on PHENOMENAL shows, exceeding expectations set by their albums. big time.
this week i saw a movie called happythankyoumoreplease. while the jury's still out on the film itself, the music was my bag. most was by this chic named Jamie Seeman, who goes by the name jaymay. usually i don't dig girl voices, but she's pretty righteous.
i vividly remember a phone conversation that i had in the winter of 2000/2001. i'd been living in chicago for about 6 months, and had been "broken up" with the "first boy to ever make me cry" for almost a year. having previously been one of my best friends, we were just (and finally) at the point where we could have random and unawkward conversations. he had called to tell me about a band that he thought i would like. the number of people whose taste in music i unquestionably trust is few, but this guy just knew me. (he was right about the Old 97s, too.)
the other memories i have attached to this music is nearly, if not more, vivid. taking the train to evanston to see Vanilla Sky, stopping by a random record shop beforehand. renting a car to drive home one random weekend, this in the cd player as i parked at the cemetery one snowy afternoon to visit mike's grave. so many thoughts about thomas wolfe....
i once saw Earlimart at the hi-dive. they make the short list of bands who put on PHENOMENAL shows, exceeding expectations set by their albums. big time.
this week i saw a movie called happythankyoumoreplease. while the jury's still out on the film itself, the music was my bag. most was by this chic named Jamie Seeman, who goes by the name jaymay. usually i don't dig girl voices, but she's pretty righteous.
Friday, March 18, 2011
"He has all of his teeth. That is surprising."
"But you don't really hear anything."-Kevin
"Oop-a little sprinkle just went down to join the cheese." -me on spills
"A little snack pack in your tit-kerchief." -Erin
"Jill saying anything out of context is hilarious-but 'boner-killing-tit-kerchief' might be the best." -Todd
"Yeah, well, a lot of people moved when your mother and I got married." -MB
"By golly, I've got to be alright. I must be alright." -Grandma
"Licorice slurpee, right?" -Flanders
"I could not turn them over any slower or leave them there any longer." -Duey
"I rather enjoy shoveling dirt into the faces of...well, women." -Adam
"You got a lot going on on your boots right there." -Doug
"Why do you have a button on your head?" -Mel
"I just realized how appropriate it is that my bosom is heaving in this dress." -me on the opera
"You want some booze?" -Keller, also on the opera
"I don't know opera, but I know my Cyndi." -Keller
"Do you want Jesus to be your personal savior or your personal trainer?" -John
"People love watching fat people do stuff." -Adam
"That's the first link in the chain on the way to my mongolism. MOGULism. I'm gonna be a mogul." -Adam
"It's all country and Jesus in here." -me on Galesburg
"I don't know if you remember, but they had rootbeer. That was their thing." -Nate on Oogie's
"I need some dirtiness in my life. Yolkey but not whitey." -Sarah on the Broadview
"Well, I can't really tell. You haven't taken that lifevest off all night." -Eddie Peters on my body
"Pretty much whatever you ate at The Broadview plus fart." -Adam
"I brainwash all the grandkids." -Mel
"I've got my Associates Degree. TWO OF EM!" -Dusti
"Our relationship is unhealthy. The most passionate ones are." -Erynn
"Does the hula hoop gene skip a generation?" -Cheri
"Are you militarily ready for this evening?" -Adam
"We can't be teammates. But we can still be friends." -Randell
"Primary colors! Anxiety lights! Something's wrong!!" -Zac
"Oop-a little sprinkle just went down to join the cheese." -me on spills
"A little snack pack in your tit-kerchief." -Erin
"Jill saying anything out of context is hilarious-but 'boner-killing-tit-kerchief' might be the best." -Todd
"Yeah, well, a lot of people moved when your mother and I got married." -MB
"By golly, I've got to be alright. I must be alright." -Grandma
"Licorice slurpee, right?" -Flanders
"I could not turn them over any slower or leave them there any longer." -Duey
"I rather enjoy shoveling dirt into the faces of...well, women." -Adam
"You got a lot going on on your boots right there." -Doug
"Why do you have a button on your head?" -Mel
"I just realized how appropriate it is that my bosom is heaving in this dress." -me on the opera
"You want some booze?" -Keller, also on the opera
"I don't know opera, but I know my Cyndi." -Keller
"Do you want Jesus to be your personal savior or your personal trainer?" -John
"People love watching fat people do stuff." -Adam
"That's the first link in the chain on the way to my mongolism. MOGULism. I'm gonna be a mogul." -Adam
"It's all country and Jesus in here." -me on Galesburg
"I don't know if you remember, but they had rootbeer. That was their thing." -Nate on Oogie's
"I need some dirtiness in my life. Yolkey but not whitey." -Sarah on the Broadview
"Well, I can't really tell. You haven't taken that lifevest off all night." -Eddie Peters on my body
"Pretty much whatever you ate at The Broadview plus fart." -Adam
"I brainwash all the grandkids." -Mel
"I've got my Associates Degree. TWO OF EM!" -Dusti
"Our relationship is unhealthy. The most passionate ones are." -Erynn
"Does the hula hoop gene skip a generation?" -Cheri
"Are you militarily ready for this evening?" -Adam
"We can't be teammates. But we can still be friends." -Randell
"Primary colors! Anxiety lights! Something's wrong!!" -Zac
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