"An old piece of bacon never eaten by Elvis...."

I've been feeling very unsettled lately. That has taken many forms, and I'm still deciphering it. It's varied the last week from anticipatory excitement to ugly-cry confusion, but it's led me to believe that GOD has something big in store for the next few bits of time. If you're into prayer, I'd appreciate some serious intercession. If you're into music, you should familiarize yourself with Rufus Wainwright. There's a Rufus for every season. I've been listening to Want One the last few days, and aside from laying down the soundtrack for some serious shower dancing, it's put a finger on some of my enigmatic feelings as well.

I don't know what it is
But you got to do it
I don't know where to go
But you got to be there
I don't know where to fall
But I know that its comfortable where
I don't know where it is

Putting all of my time
In learning to care
And a bucket of rhymes
I threw up somewhere
Want a locket of who
Made me lose my perfunctory view
Of all that is around
And of all that I do

So I knock on the door
Take a step that is new
Never been here before
Is there anyone else here too
In love with beauty
Playing all of the games
Who thinks three's company
Is there anyone else who wears slightly mysterious brusies
I don't know what it is

Take a lookin around
At friendly faces
All declaring a war on far off places
Is there anyone else who is through with
complaining about what's done unto us

So I knock on the door
And I am on a train
Going god knows where to
To get me over
To get me over

Give me heaven or hell
Calais or Dover

I was hoping the train
Was my big number
Stopping in Santa Fe and the Atchison-Topeka
Though I'm chugging along, put away by the crossing hand
We'll be heading for Portland, or Limburgh or Lower Manhattan
Find myself running around

I don't know what it is so get me over
I don't know what it is so get me over
I don't know what it is so get me over
To get me over
You gotta do it.
You gotta be there.

"Maybe that's God's way of saying, 'Not today, Jill, not today.'."

Realizing that it's nearly the end of March, I'm backing up to say that I had a nutball crazy February. It was eventful, and I spent over half of the month out of town. One of those adventures took me to Haviland, Kansas to visit the Hinshaw family. Donnie was the junior high youth pastor at 4Cs when I first moved to Colorado. For the better part of 4 years, a group of us volunteered together and worked at the church. It was a seriously magical and powerful time. Donnie's wife, Rhonda, is incredible. She embodies the Proverbs 31 woman. The Hinshaws continue to be a giant influence on my life. (Did I mention that they have 4 beautiful children that I love dearly? We'll get to that.)

Twelve of us left Arvada for Haviland...a combination of leaders and students, friends old and new. We hung out and caught up on life, worshipped with Phil Wickham, ate Mexican food (yup, in Kansas), hung out some more, shot a bunch of guns, played carpetball and that dumb pool table game (that I actually like now), and then hung out some more. In a combination slide show insipid quote list, I give you the highlights...


First stop: Genoa, CO. In my quest to see all things superlative, we are drawn to the "Wonder Tower", where we are promised a view of 6 STATES! As you can see, it was a wondrous tower. It was also closed. Boo. However, the 12 blocks of Genoa and it's amazing dirt roads gave us some entertainment regardless. C'mon, it's Jill, JRe and JigglyPuff. Of course it's a hoot and a holler.

"I feel like the Boxcar Children are about to hop out." -JRe on Genoa
"That sign might have been worth it." -JRe on the uber-dangerous traffic



After crossing the state line, we venture into Goodland, KS to see "The World's Largest Easel". In fact, it's only the state's largest easel, as the Canadian creator of this 768 square foot masterpiece is on a quest to replicate all 7 of Picasso's sunflower paintings and put them on every continent. Seriously. The easel itself is 80 feet tall.



That's me posing in front. For a little perspective action, here's JigglyPuff:




Possibly the most hilarious part of the trip, for me, takes place during these next 15 minutes. First, we're stopping in Kansas to take pictures of an oversized painting. With JigglyPuff. That's enough to rouse a nice bout of laughter from me. Then the Rotary Club has a sign in sheet for the visitors...I, of course, make a Dumb & Dumber reference by signing "Kansas, you've TOTALLY redeemed yourself!" right under a guy that passed along a real gem of advice, "Smoke weed or die".

Next, we honestly could not have chosen the neighboring shops of said easel to create a better story, so I'll let the pictures (and our faces in them) do the talking.


"I'll take the picture from back here. I don't want you to get chopped up. Or them to think you're mocking them. -JRe on Bubba's
"But I am." -me on the ever obvious




"Who'da thought all of this would be in the same area?" -me on the hot mess
"It's a gift. Like Christmas." -Jess
"In April....Except it's February." -me

Once we got to Haviland, JRe discovered she had a new talent and a new love. The talent being throwing clay pigeons for shooting and the love being the Gagers.





"First we shoot like this. Then we shoot from the hip like this."
"Why can't I cry? What if my bone's broke?" -BarryRay
"You don't even know what could've pooped right there." -Jess to Ben on snow




"You aren't a very good liberal." -Andy on Jill and guns



"There aren't any peachers there." -Leighton on going to the country

Cute kid, huh? Darnell, Lantern...my first baby friend. He plays the harmonica.



Lauren and Lillian. Tons of super fun memories of these pretty Pony ladies...we played waaay too many hours of Memory, read hundreds of books, had water balloon fights and laughfests aplenty. Somehow they'll always be 6 and 10 to me. (Good thing Jess and I are willing to stay immature just for memories' sake.)




"Oh. Mountain people." -random dude at Barclay (note the plaid and stocking hats)



"Or you could go to Belvidere." -Rhonda on our directional aptitude
"You just ruined worship for me." -Donald on melons
"My sister probably keeps a lot of games from me." -JRe on Micah
"Jill's always the last woman standing." -BKainz on late nights
"It's because I'm lost." -JRe on Uturns
"Wow. It's so sexy. Like bra sizes." -JRe on Kansas' highway abbreviations
"I am. I'm allergic to love." -Jess on Ollie
"I don't know. Hopefully he's dying." -Donnie on limping

"He paints little Mexican homeys."

(the adult version...back by my own popular demand)

"You're kinda hilarious, turns out." -Derek on the obvious

"I feel like there's a lot of skipping around involved. And I just ate too many pancakes." -LT on hyper heidi

"A + B = C....something something algebra." -Justin on Jesus

"No blue for you, babycakes." -Uncle Duey on bar soap

"This is your one chance at greatness, Jill." -Doug on 15ball
"Like taking candy from a baby." -Doug on the same

"Well, there is a chance he doesn't think it's completely weird." -Adam on jumping in the pool

"You don't really have a choice." -Grandma on being 92

"Please don't say that. I'm gonna start having flashbacks." -Jill on 'common sense'

"I'm glad that part's over." -Duey on Monday

"I don't know, but it's a word I'm gonna start saying."

"Well, that makes sense. My sister is almost a man." -Michael, 1st grade

"Your pendant stare does not work on me. I have no soul to burn." -Rosco, 4th

"I don't really think K-Love is that positive."
"I don't call that a headband. I call that a giant ponytail holder"-Jacob, 2nd

"Did you just say grease nugget?" -me
"Miss Bradford, what's a grease nugget?" -Alex, 4th

"You don't figure out how old someone is based on how tall they are." -Jeremy, 5h

"These boys tire me out." -Jayla, kinder

"You were born in the 70s? That's when they made peace." -Ali, 3rd

"Did you bring me a big box of chocolate for Valentine's Day?" -me
"No. OH! But I did get you a rock from recess. It's in my shoe." -Gabriel, 2nd


Me: "Nate."
Nate: "You remind me of my Uncle Emilio."
Me: "I remind you of a man?"
Nate: "Only because you make those funny faces and talk in voices."

Nate: "This one time we had a Michael Jackson wrestling match. I was the white Michael Jackson and my brother was the black Michael Jackson, and my Uncle Emilio was the Chinese referee. You're both funny like that. But he's funnier than you."
Me: "Wow, you are just insulting me all over the place today."
Nate: "I'm sorry. But you shouldn't have brought it up."
Me: "I didn't bring it up; you did."
Nate: "No, you did...by talking in that funny voice."

"Foo, when was the last time you picked cotton? You work at the Gap."

Here's the deal: I don't often (or naturally) laugh out loud. I'm violently opposed to the polite laugh. This is only a problem when people expect the polite laugh...or think they're funny when, to me, they obviously are not. This could be viewed as socially unacceptable...or you could consider me rude. Granted, if you're reading this, you probably know me and understand that I don't subscribe to Social Norms Quarterly.

I only bring this up as there is someone that appears quite nearly into my daily life. He makes unfunny jokes and inappropriate asides. I don't laugh at them. And I rarely acknowledge them. Apparently I need to start, because there is this gaping disconnect. Most times, he repeats himself. Not just repeats himself, but opens with the intro, "Maybe you didn't hear my joke..." or "I said...". Given that I am seriously hard of hearing, he might think that I actually haven't heard him. Also given the number of times this has happened and I have replied, "No, I heard you.", you'd think that he'd stop. Maybe I'll just start yelling, "HA!" every time he makes an attempt. (The Daniel Toshian Tourette's "LOVELY SWEATER!" type shout that I'm picturing would really do the trick quite quickly.)

Lest this become a total negative Nancy post, I'll get to the point of where my thoughts went with this: I love to laugh. Since I don't laugh out loud much, when I do laugh, I laugh with my entire body. There are several levels of the Jill laugh. There is some bending at the waist involved. Perhaps some clapping. Maybe a "Whoo" of sorts as a cooldown. If I'm sitting; I'm slapping the table. Once it gets super intense, I'll probably be stomping my feet. Perhaps jumping in a circle whilst stomping. It's ridiculous. If you've seen it, you know. If you've contributed to it, I thank you. This whole thing really made me take a trip down the lane of memories...to when I laughed hardest; with whom I laugh the best.

I'll start with the summer of 1993. I spent the majority of that summer doing nothing but riding around in a jeep listening to Blues Traveler, or in Gilly's basement with the same cast of characters nearly every night. There were 3 specific boys that had a mission: to make me laugh so hard that I would pee my pants. No, seriously. (And I think most of you know how serious that is.) Those boys were Tim Steil, JDubs, and Mike Simpson. The three winning situations occured on a tennis court (Mike), in a toybox in my basement (Josh), and running alongside my parents' minivan on Clark Street at 25 mph (Tim). There were also many runner-up type situations that involved wrestling, towel snapping and frog faces.

Amber and Maggie were also major players in my high school laughter. Man alive, those ladies are actually the ones I've laughed the longest and most knowingly with...whether it was in making fun of each other, writing our own songs, or riding Pee Wee Herman bikes down brick lined streets...those girls will forever be stout in my book. I don't know that I could even retell a story about these 2 and have it communicate what they mean to me. I wear those close to my heart.

There are certain people that don't require words or even coherent sentences to make me laugh. Few and far between, those people. There's Melissa Cahill with her ham sammiches and fingerbending, Patrick Sayers and karaoke, Kjersti Heer and our television magic, Sarah McAlpin and high heels, and Edubs with the dealbreaker list; these people have made my life richer through the years.

One October I took a roadtrip with the brothers Cochenour and Tony Nettekoven, who was running a marathon in Albequerque. This was shortly after Tim had moved down to the metro area, and was the first time we'd really hung out. He certainly had a feel for Steve and Tony's relationship, but throwing Jill into the mix changed the dynamic for him. We were sitting in an Arby's after the marathon and a trip through REI. I'm not sure what happened in there, but Steve and Tony went to their grumpy-miscommunicating-sarcastic places. Which I thoroughly detested and enjoyed (instigator older child, anyone?). I was sitting next to Tim, across from the 2 of them. The plate glass window faced the rugged skyline. Tony thoughtfully looks out and asks, "So there're 4 kinds of landscapes...a mesa, a butte, a plateau....what's the fourth one?" Steve looks up and says, "A mountain?" completely straight faced. Hysterical. I, with food in my mouth, cannot stop laughing. Looking at Steve or Tony doesn't help. They're both torn between being annoyed with one another and laughing at me. And I can't swallow my sandwich for the laughing. So I turn my body around and attempt to climb into the both behind us....Tim absolutely clueless to what is going on. Classic.

And don't even get me started on the summer of 2008. The highlights include a night around a campfire with 3 highschool students and Mr. Boshangles, evenings on the golf cart with Bernie and Valerie, "playing maintenance", Alex's impression of Tomash's "Caio for now!", and ANYTIME I spent more than 3 minutes with RACHAEL SHEETS!




I realize that this blog might not mean anything to you, but it made me laugh. Which is entirely possible because I am the funniest person that I know. Essentially, the next time you crack wise around me, don't be offended if I don't guffaw. But if I do, know that you stand in priveledged and sometimes lonely company.

"Because I really love pockets, you know. And velcro."

never to be outdone by kid quotes, here's a little adult quote interlude. not that you could tell the difference, in most cases.

"No more potatoes down the drain." -random dude in T & M's parking lot

"All these girls are wearing peacoats....we gotta get outta here!" -random dude outside the Wicked Garden

"No one ever died from being overdramatic." -Joyce Sutton on the obvs

"I don't like outer space. It's too big." -Andy Cumpton Junior on Avatar

"This is not the same!" -Micah on disappointing backyard shenanigans

"Put a couple of drinks in that kid and see what happens. Like a gremlin."
"Classiest bar in Arvada. In a strip mall. Happy Birthday, Kevin! Smells like gasoline and diarrhea." -Erin on the Red Lion

"Put your hand on the wall and shake it!" -Charlie on Kevin

"So then people will think I'm furry like Esau." -JRe

"Arts and crafts, arts and crafts they fade....fade away."

"You have a cowboy voice." -Haley, kindergarten

"I don't want to deal with all that paperwork." -Jacob, 2nd grade
"You're lucky. Most people don't even have their own Bible. They have to go to church to read it."

"Do you even know math?" -Leo, 3rd grade

"You're talking like a Star Wars Jedi Master." -Michael, 2nd grade

"You know, you don't have to say 'Not OK' three times." -Maria, age 4
"I think I'm slightly allergic to stinky water."

"You are the weirdest person I've ever met." -Angel, 5th grade

"Do the Hellen Keller and talk to your hips." -Gabriel, 2nd grade
"One day she just figured it out with her big ole giant brain."
"Then the baby smelled it with its big old giant nose."
"You lucky little rascal."
(I'm editing a piece written by Gabriel....'They got married. Then they got 3 kids.'
I read the sentences aloud and ask, 'Gabe, does that sound right? Did they go to the store and get 3 kids?')
"No. They went to Haiti and got 3 kids. Just kidding."