"You know you've reached a new plateau of group mediocrity when even a Canadian is alarmed by your lack of individuality."

"C'mon, no one showers in Denver. Plus, after a few beers showering is more fun anyways." -ryan kulp

"I never said I thought you were a bad listener. If you listened to me, you would know that." -stowe

"YOU RUINED CHRISTMAS!!" -nick fones

"I feel like I just got frankensenced and myrrhed!" -boombalias

"I'm more of a fall color, actually." -trent

"I've got some drinking to do today!" -my mom on Christmas

"Yeah, you get this, and I get Barbie catalogs." -hippity-hop on Victoria's Secret

"I'm just trying to keep the holidays happy." -doug

"I'm, like, fudged out. Bad." -ryan canier

"Oh, so you don't have the sex?" -my mother's pedicurist, to me, IN FRONT OF MY MOTHER

"This coming from Little Miss Play-Upon-the-Edges." -ben

"I'm waiting for you to be done whating." -also ben

"You could have some more caffeine, like Jill here. Look at her: she's tile bouncing." -still ben

"You know what, Jill? I've probably sat in your sex before." -maggie

"Well, at first I thought it was a pink elephant."
"Nah, they mow about 50 feet."
"I was just trying it out. It didn't work." -all gems from Mike Bradford

"Apparently PeePee is better now." -me

"OK. But I'm gonna stop wearing pants." -Don Read

"A little saccharine? That's how I got diabetes-from singing it twice." -howie on the Sound of Music

"You're looking for something sweet and fresh? Have you met Jill?" -stephen

"Does this look gay? Because I'm worried." -matt

"Well the hair only grows so long, but the loneliness." -laura

"I think bisexual exists, but you cheat on somebody." -micah

"Well, you're anticipating booze. Wow." -paul

"You look exhausted right now. Do you need an IV?" -erin

"I don't understand fishing metaphors!!"

...and everyone knows that sardines are super gross.

-every morning (or early afternoon, don't judge) i walk down the block to St. Mark's. this past week i've loved digging into the snow packed sidewalk heels first to hear the crunch. like my friend bobby mcferrin says, simple pleasures are the best. now that everything is melted, stomped down or iced over, my morning was a bit empty.

-speaking of St. Mark's: the first guy to ever remember my drink perfectly called me "Jane" today. yesterday, too. after five months of calling me by my actual name. (post script: he called me by the right name yesterday.)

-i took a few boxes of winter clothes downtown to hand out to the homeless. in lieu of dropping them off at goodwill or the rescue mission, i went to the park to mingle with the people. i was offered drugs no less than 3 times. my favorite interaction was with a tiny asian man yelling, "What.can.I.have?! What.can.I.have?!" like a shotgun as i put a box on the bench.

-having an argument with an 8-year-old every afternoon about whether or not he has to wear a coat when it's 35 degrees outside is awesome. it's super rad to have that same discussion with a 6-year-old every morning.

-i finally hung up my bookshelves before i went to illinois. i then finally unpacked my books when i came back. half of them are still at poshak's, but of the 12 boxes now shelved, i'm guessing that i've read half of them. re-read 10%. for my own enjoyment, i'm gonna count tonight. i'll post my tally to see how accurate i am. (book counts as follows: on shelves: 574; read: 364/64%; re-read: 105/18%)

-my january is looking uber busy. faceplant next weekend, a play i'm doing the following two, and matt flies in from chicago tonight. he's never been to denver, so we're gonna tour the town all day saturday. and tonight he's invited me to join a "bunch of choir queens" for drinks. woot.

"I think we're just getting used to the crazy."

"All I really need are wifebeaters."
"So that's a yes to french fries, then?"
"I can figure out how to lick frosting out of a bag on my own, Erin!"
"I don't want to take your dreams away."
"Well, they're just waiting for Jimmy. They know he's here. They're shawshankin' it."
"Something is not right in the world: I am crafting and you are singing a Rod Stewart song!"
"Charlie Brown-he does it for me every time."
"Well cr cuus roo roo can kiss my pale white bleep because she's been to Thailand 3 times this year!"
(all of the above were stated by either me or Edubs in our kitchen on any random night.)

"Then we can all get into ker-kertz together." -Doug on travel plans

"Can we just back the truck up a bit? Erin has a job?" -Jess

"You probably shouldn't treat your parents badly, or steal their money, or be an asshole." -LT on 1 Timothy

"She has PTSD." -LT on pocket full of homies

"That's because your second language is mumbling." -BJ

"I'll have the Chef Special." -Julian

"You're definitely gay, you're straight and single, and you might be a lesbian. You seem like a free spirit. And, well, you're wearing orange pants." -Pete's waitress on our table

"I need you to never say that word again." -Jess on jeggings

"We're playing serious bowling over here in a second." -BJ

"That's what I get for talking to a bleepedy bleepin' Cubs fan right before I throw!" -Tom

"I plan events. Karla plans a life." -Micah

"No, Phill isn't running any gamut-Karla is lapping that track." -me

"If you ever need a lawyer who will do anything out of his basement, I've got a recommendation." -Faith

"It's kinda like a relationship-ups and downs. Sometimes you want to give it up because not every episode is pleasurable." -Laura

"Religious with the earth? Or religious with God?" -Jess

"What do you mean you don't know what Irish Spring soap is?! Don't you wash your balls?" -Gio on Walgreens

and the following were all overheard while watching the eclipse outside The Thin Man:

"Don't look directly at it." (seriously.)
"I have my sunglasses on just in case." (just as seriously.)
"You have about an hour and a half before it de-clipses."
"Am I the only one who did my research?"
"I was on the internet for 5 minutes and I know everything there is to know about the eclipse."
"I am loving hating you right now."
"Eclipse shots!"
"The internet has words."

"It was just like a usual day except there was more food."

"I thought he died on a Tuesday, actually." -Jacob on MLK

"How much boys, other than your relatives, have you kissed?"

"Elizabeth is more of a fashion-style girl name."

"I'm such a nitwit."
"Oh, you're not a niblet."

"I used to have two teeth that were loose. Now I only have one. Because I brushed 'em good."

"I'd just get him a water."

"What do you want for Christmas?"
"I don't really ask for anything anymore. Christmas is mostly about being with my family."
"No, that's what Thanksgiving is about. That's what I call it."

"It's time to drink drink and smoke smoke 'cuz we gots to go go."

the title quote comes from "muh brother dug" circa 1998. john fischer, landmark, coffee. yes.

here are three bands to which i've recently been introduced and quickly become enamored by....

Dear Nora, found courtesy of Radio1190:

then Owen, courtesy of emily at St. Mark's:





lastly, Ben Weaver, courtesy of the impeccable taste of Ryan Kulp:

I never knew that Charlie Brown could change a person's entire personality.

• I really don't like Jack Johnson.
• When I watch movies of people walking around NYC, just exploring, sitting in coffee shops, sitting in parks...I get inspired to go there, to do that. But when I do it in Denver (nearly a daily occurrence), I just feel lazy and guilty. I miss Chicago lately. When I made my plans to go home for the holidays, I felt ok not including it in my trip. Now I miss it immensely.
• It's crazy to me that if you ask someone for directions here, they will most likely have no idea what to tell you. Streets don't run through. Unless you're in the city, you'll get a response similar to, "I'm from up north." What? Denver isn't that big. Chicago is...and if you ask most people anywhere, suburbs or not, they'll be able to tell you.
• I can't decide if I should cut my hair again or start growing it out.
• Lately, I've realized that I used to write things of substance. Perhaps I'll visit my old blog, import them here and find some inspiration.
• No matter where you are in Denver metro, you have a stunning and separately new view of the mountains. I love that.
• There are squirrels living in the wall at the head of my bed. My neighbor told me months ago that he can look out his window and see the spot where they get into the eaves, and that he watches them. I didn't think anything of it. Now that it gets colder at night, they are scurrying (that's a delicate word for what they do) about and it TERRIFIES me.
• Today I'm wearing a short-sleeved dress. It's still 60 here. In 2 weeks I'll be in Illinois. Not ready for that (my winter coats are still in a box in the basement) quite yet. When I talked to Zane yesterday, he said the words seven degrees, snow, and ice. Yikes. I looked at the 10-day forecast just now. For Monday? Denver: 62; Galesburg: 11. I can feel my nose hairs freezing already.

"Gray her dad today, but she was at the mother with her mom."

If I was a dude, I think it'd be cool to be a lawyer. Not necessarily for the work, but so that when I introduced myself I could say "Esquire" after my name. Like, "Tom McMahon, Esquire."

Being a lady lawyer, though, the introduction doesn't sound as impressive. "Regina Philange, Lady Esquire." That just sounds like a solicitation.