"When I grow up, I'm gonna own an Olive Garden."

"My favorite part was all the parts." -Brady, 5, on field trips

"It's like I work here!" -Gavin, 5, on paper towels

"OK GOOGLE knows everything I say." -JJ, 5

"I don't know how to get my voice out." -Rylan, 4, on asking questions

"I picked him because he's cute." -JJ, 5, on Gavin

"I am not going to marriage you!" -Gavin, 5, on being picked

"A CUBS GAME??? Gross." -Hudson, 4, on teams

"Maybe he ate too much sugar." -Hannah, 4, on the flu

"My dad will come to your party. 'Cuz I bet it's a beer party." -Maya, 4, on roller skating

"I have so many boogers in my lungs." -Gavin, 5, on allergies and coughing

"Can you call my mom? I've had a bit of a day." -Adrix, 4, on Tuesdays

"If my brother was here, he would ruin it. Because he hates rainbows, unicorns, and anything I love. HE WOULD DESTROY IT." -Maya, 4, on Chris

Mackenzie: "Where is Mr. Bradford?"
Me: "There is no Mr. Bradford."
Mackenzie: "Oh, that's why you don't have babies."

"I have a belly button and it makes me itchy." -June, 4, on princesses

"I am a face monster!!" -Rylan, 4, on cupcake frosting

"You are wearing a dress. And big earrings. And I don't even know what is going on with your lips!" -JJ, 5, on graduation

"Bananas have no armpits." -Brady, 5, on going bananas

"That's a mighty robust bagel!"

kid quote blog returns. the preschool edition.

"Ms. Bradford, we have a problem. The problem is it's cold outside." -Hudson, 4

"QUEEN BUG!!" -Lincoln, 4, on queen bees

"I'm so excited for February. Because February 4 is SNACK DAY." -Dylan, 5, on the SuperBowl

me: Do giraffes hibernate or migrate?
*blank stares*
me: Where do giraffes go in the winter?
"Uh, Ms. Bradford? Giraffes stay at the zoo." -Gavin, 4

me: What's your favorite candy?
"CAKE!" -Keegan, 3

"He makes money at work. That's all he does." -Maya, 4, on her dad's job

"I hate that. I hate that so much. I never want to do that." -Maya, 4, on glue

"Chickens poop eggs out." -Paxton, 4

"It smells like breath." -Gavin, 4, on peppermint tea

"It feels like I'm marrying someone!!" -Gavin, 4, on peppermint

"I found poo-poo on the floor." -Layken, 5, on problems

"You better watch out of me. I'm gonna sneeze." -Layken, 5

"Ms. Henness....Miss, uh, ....Glasses! ....Uh....Ms. Bradford!" -Layken, 5, on remembering names

"Ms. BadBird." -Maddax, 5, on me

"The whole world is really wild." -Tinley, 4

me: Who can tell me a word that starts with 'V'?
"VERB!" -Adrix, 3, on brilliance

Layken: No. We are not friends. You are not being nice to me.
Me: Welp, this is the schedule. Right now is quiet time.
Layken: I do not like that.

"Ms. Bradford, I believe that most people are good." -Lincoln, 4, on breaking my heart

"Hims do that." -Paxton, 3, on pronouns

"Listen! It's a ding-ding gate!" -Lincoln, 4, on trains

"Ms. Bradford, your hair is pretty good." -JJ, 5, on braids

me: *sprays peppermint oil*
Layken: "Oh, man!!! That smells good!"
*puts face in armpit*
**eyes water**
Layken" "I do not want to smell that anymore! IT SMELLS AWFUL GOOD."

"This is a challenge." -Adrix, 4, on scissors

"Sometimes I'm strong with English. Sometimes I'm strong with Spanish. Mostly I'm strong with words."

"I bet when you were little it was like 'Arthur' and stuff." -Justin,4th, on being old

"CARLOS!" -3rd grader on my name

"Miss Billford!" -Fernando, 2nd, on the same

"You cannot trust girls." -4th grader

"It smells like all kinds of coffee in here." -Alondra, 5th, on Wednesday at 1pm

"It's because he gots 9 and I gots 7." -Julian, 2nd, on older siblings

"No. I'm not guud. It's good." -Nathan, 2nd

"Can I keep this forever?" -Mark, 2nd, on books

"Do you speak English or Spanish?" -me
"No. I just talk." -Izaiah, 1st

"I need books on alicorns. It's a pegasus with a horn on it's head." -Elizabeth, K, schooling me

"You just said 'dude' to me?!" -Jose, K, on my informality...bro

"Can I ask you a question? Where were you last year and do you hate always having kids in your library and why do you have so many shoes under your desk?" -Jimena, 2nd, on all of the things

"Miss! Teacher! Teacher! Miss-essss LIBRARY!"

After a year off spent acting, I have returned to the glamorous life of public school education.This time around as an elementary school librarian. My school has 650+ students, 90% of whom speak Spanish. This has lead to some very entertaining verb conjugations on my part. Until I return to conversational classes, my broken Spanish has me saying things like, "Manana muy bien." when I'm actually attempting to communicate that said student will do better tomorrow.

Students came to the library for the first time last week. Alas, there aren't many kid quotes yet, but I assure you they will be flowing freely quite soon. Because, as our beloved celebrity rapist in colorful sweaters reminded us, kids really do say the darndest things.


"No! George Jefferson." -4th grader on the 1st US President

"Paul Walker is one of the greatest American actors." -4th grader on the obvious

"The 'C'." -3rd grader on the capital of Colorado

"I don't even know, man. I drank a glass of milk and passed out on the couch." -5th grader on the score of the previous nights' Broncos game

"Let's go out there, cause some trouble, and fall in love."

Random list o' buckets:

• conversational Spanish
• glow bocce league
• make curtains for sunporch
• organize sunporch
• do fashion show closet purge redeux with the ladies
• host a clothing swap
• reclaim my yoga practice
• write philosophy of education paper
• start improv philosophy before September 20th classes 
• ESL class
• master sewing pockets on dresses
• eventually crafting a wide banded pencil skirt with said pockets  
• resume my church-of-one movie-going experiences
• do a superlative roadtrip covering new ground...utah? montana? idaho? hrmmmm.
• practice my tap dancing
• resume regularly donating blood
• learn to fix and maintain my Royal typewriter 

"We have a business plan. We're just looking for investors."

"I have already thought less of you. You do realize everyone else is doing it." -Brian
"That wasn't the most note worthy boob thing on walls."
"Everything around your balls is all wrinkled."
"It's ok...he's building me a bike."-Erin
"I'll have to wear a berka. Because I'm half female". -Nils
"I am the straightest biggest homo you've ever met." -Todd
"We're like a burnt catch of chicken."
"I'd be up for some pre-planning planning." -Jessica
"Take my hand...I'll take you to hot DOG paradise." -Jonathan
"I am so polish, too."
"The second best dancer was the black guy with the limp."
"It's not my bus."
"Outsource your laptop." -Umesh
"I'm never having the vagina talk with you guys."
"Pimpin ain't easy. It ain't."
"There's a lot of grown-ass people here playing video games." -Kris
"We're tens, man. And there is nothing wrong with being a ten. I apologize for saying we might be nines." -Danielle on feminism

It's a coyote dog!

My grandfather told me about hippies. They wear a lot of different things and carry a tambourine. -Jeremiah, 10

Children should not be kept as pets. -Madison, 8

You called me a dude, so you're a man.

I luuv peacocks. -Lilia, 5

I. Am. Hydrate.

 

There is a kid named Jesus here? -on "Hey-Zeus"

Me...my man...me my man. -Dylan, 11

I'm this age. But i'm starting kindergarten, so I might be one more. -Eli, 5

 

Is there a get out of the way light? -regarding construction trucks back-up lights and beeps

 

Hair gel is slippery, but not flammable.

 

This is your work...are you kidding me? -Lauren, 5 on field trips being my occupation

I can't sit right now. My toenails hurt very badly. -Vincent, 7

 

Yesterday was bad-I broke my mouth.

Should we call social services bc his parents smoke? -Dylan, 11

 

I'm getting pretty good at my ninja moves, so can we do some ninja moves soon? -Anja, 5

 

He's not so much in manners yet. -Kira, 7

I'm gonna play on the realzies.

I have something in my eye-I think it's acid. -Vincent, 7

Except bacon is more crunchier and yummier. -Ian, 10

I brushed it. For twenty minutes straight. And I brush my teeth for thirty minutes...uh-ZOMBIE! -Freedom, 7

I would think you're western...and country... and Amish. -Madison, on my accent

We can't just leave a coupon laying around. -Freedom, 7

I think it's called a round Christmas tree. -random 1st grader on wreaths