"I don't want to miss a single thing you do tonight."

well, well, well. at this point it's about all i have to say. i've long had a list of things to blog about, but i haven't. most likely if you've talked to me in the last 3 months, we've discussed bits of it. among the topics: all things cynical, grace, community, the character of GOD (specifically old testament vs. new), my acting/auditioning/(in)ability to access emotions onstage vs. off, my relationship with my dad shadowing how i resent boys who tell me what to do, and of course, more and more kid stories. if any of the aforementioned interest you, let me know and i'll expound.

i had a chat with an old friend last night about how i don't write anymore (he doesn't so much either) and how that affects us. i've been tempted to write, but haven't for fear of my intentions not being communicated. after the chat with him, and the fact that i found and read my journals in my recent move (ok: not-so-recent move, but recent unpacking), i realize how much i need to start again.

returning from a weeklong trip to illinois, as ever, has stirred up things in me that i didn't realize were there. hit me pretty strongly. still digesting that, and unsure of how to work through most of it. i hate being so cryptic, and also hate to be so cliche (like posting an introspective entry on the last day of the year, jill?). basically, it's astounding to still be going through the same thing(s) after processing them so many times before. it's also ridiculously pedestrian, predictable and reassuring. did i mention that i've been journaling since 1996? good googly moogly, that's 13 years.

on the bright side, i do know that once i process and come to a place of spewing things out, there are lots of people to listen. more importantly, people that i love, trust, respect, and value. if 2009 did nothing else for me, it made me realize that i'm favored and fortunate to have a plethora of those who understand. or attempt.

before this turns into a bigger piece of prosaic banality, i'm off to hussy myself up and enjoy the evening. finish strong, beezys.