After a year off spent acting, I have returned to the glamorous life of public school education.This time around as an elementary school librarian. My school has 650+ students, 90% of whom speak Spanish. This has lead to some very entertaining verb conjugations on my part. Until I return to conversational classes, my broken Spanish has me saying things like, "Manana muy bien." when I'm actually attempting to communicate that said student will do better tomorrow.
Students came to the library for the first time last week. Alas, there aren't many kid quotes yet, but I assure you they will be flowing freely quite soon. Because, as our beloved celebrity rapist in colorful sweaters reminded us, kids really do say the darndest things.
"No! George Jefferson." -4th grader on the 1st US President
"Paul Walker is one of the greatest American actors." -4th grader on the obvious
"The 'C'." -3rd grader on the capital of Colorado
"I don't even know, man. I drank a glass of milk and passed out on the couch." -5th grader on the score of the previous nights' Broncos game
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
"Let's go out there, cause some trouble, and fall in love."
Random list o' buckets:
- conversational Spanish
- glow bocce league
- make curtains for sunporch
- organize sunporch
- do fashion show closet purge redeux with the ladies
- host a clothing swap
- reclaim my yoga practice
- write philosophy of education paper
- start improv philosophy before September 20th classes
- ESL class
- master sewing pockets on dresses
- eventually crafting a wide banded pencil skirt with said pockets
- resume my church-of-one movie-going experiences
- do a superlative roadtrip covering new ground...utah? montana? idaho? hrmmmm.
- practice my tap dancing
- resume regularly donating blood
- learn to fix and maintain my Royal typewriter
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
"We have a business plan. We're just looking for investors."
"I have already thought less of you. You do realize everyone else is doing it." -Brian
"That wasn't the most note worthy boob thing on walls."
"Everything around your balls is all wrinkled."
"It's ok...he's building me a bike."-Erin
"I'll have to wear a berka. Because I'm half female". -Nils
"I am the straightest biggest homo you've ever met." -Todd
"We're like a burnt catch of chicken."
"I'd be up for some pre-planning planning." -Jessica
"Take my hand...I'll take you to hot DOG paradise." -Jonathan
"I am so polish, too."
"The second best dancer was the black guy with the limp."
"It's not my bus."
"Outsource your laptop." -Umesh
"I'm never having the vagina talk with you guys."
"Pimpin ain't easy. It ain't."
"There's a lot of grown-ass people here playing video games." -Kris
"We're tens, man. And there is nothing wrong with being a ten. I apologize for saying we might be nines." -Danielle on feminism
"That wasn't the most note worthy boob thing on walls."
"Everything around your balls is all wrinkled."
"It's ok...he's building me a bike."-Erin
"I'll have to wear a berka. Because I'm half female". -Nils
"I am the straightest biggest homo you've ever met." -Todd
"We're like a burnt catch of chicken."
"I'd be up for some pre-planning planning." -Jessica
"Take my hand...I'll take you to hot DOG paradise." -Jonathan
"I am so polish, too."
"The second best dancer was the black guy with the limp."
"It's not my bus."
"Outsource your laptop." -Umesh
"I'm never having the vagina talk with you guys."
"Pimpin ain't easy. It ain't."
"There's a lot of grown-ass people here playing video games." -Kris
"We're tens, man. And there is nothing wrong with being a ten. I apologize for saying we might be nines." -Danielle on feminism
Monday, December 31, 2012
It's a coyote dog!
My grandfather told me about hippies. They wear a lot of different things and carry a tambourine. -Jeremiah, 10
Children should not be kept as pets. -Madison, 8
You called me a dude, so you're a man.
I luuv peacocks. -Lilia, 5
I. Am. Hydrate.
Me...my man...me my man. -Dylan, 11
I'm this age. But i'm starting kindergarten, so I might be one more. -Eli, 5
I can't sit right now. My toenails hurt very badly. -Vincent, 7
Should we call social services bc his parents smoke? -Dylan, 11
Children should not be kept as pets. -Madison, 8
You called me a dude, so you're a man.
I luuv peacocks. -Lilia, 5
I. Am. Hydrate.
There is a kid named Jesus
here? -on "Hey-Zeus"
Me...my man...me my man. -Dylan, 11
I'm this age. But i'm starting kindergarten, so I might be one more. -Eli, 5
Is there a get
out of the way light? -regarding construction trucks back-up lights and beeps
Hair gel is slippery, but not flammable.
This is your
work...are you kidding me? -Lauren, 5 on field trips being my occupation
I can't sit right now. My toenails hurt very badly. -Vincent, 7
Yesterday was bad-I broke my mouth.
Should we call social services bc his parents smoke? -Dylan, 11
I'm getting pretty good at my ninja moves,
so can we do some ninja moves soon? -Anja, 5
He's not so much
in manners yet. -Kira, 7
I'm gonna play on the realzies.
I have something in my eye-I think it's acid. -Vincent, 7
Except bacon is more crunchier and yummier. -Ian, 10
I brushed it. For twenty minutes straight. And I brush my teeth for thirty minutes...uh-ZOMBIE! -Freedom, 7
I would think you're western...and country... and Amish. -Madison, on my accent
We can't just leave a coupon laying around. -Freedom, 7
I think it's called a round Christmas tree. -random 1st grader on wreaths
I'm gonna play on the realzies.
I have something in my eye-I think it's acid. -Vincent, 7
Except bacon is more crunchier and yummier. -Ian, 10
I brushed it. For twenty minutes straight. And I brush my teeth for thirty minutes...uh-ZOMBIE! -Freedom, 7
I would think you're western...and country... and Amish. -Madison, on my accent
We can't just leave a coupon laying around. -Freedom, 7
I think it's called a round Christmas tree. -random 1st grader on wreaths
Survival of the (not) Fittest -or- How 7-11 is slowly taking over the world
(this post is originally from April...blogger has changed, and it automatically updates. i'm annoyed that my posts will no longer carry the original dates. grr.)
colorado's fine weather has officially kicked in, so i'm riding my bike a ton again. welp, and my car died. in the eisenhower tunnel. that's a story for another day. essentially, i'm biking to the bus and back every day for work. have been for a little over a month. it's pretty rad...i'm on my bike for about 40 minutes a day, and on the bus for roughly the same. AND I GET TO PEOPLE WATCH AND EAVESDROP on the bus. sometimes a hassle, but mostly it's rad.
-not only can you not RIDE your bike on the 16th Street Mall, you also can't even take your bike on the shuttle bus. that's wack. especially considering that the bus advertises alternative transportation and how savvy it is to save gas. not to mention that there ARE NO BIKE LINES ON 15th or 17th. seriously wack. riddle me this: one day, whilst riding between Welton and Lawrence, the shuttle bus was driving ALONGSIDE me. what the what?
-in my opinion, the suburbs are worse. no bike lanes, no shoulders. way to go, colorado. there's this willow tree that i ride by, and since there is no lane and no shoulder, i smack myself in the face with it's low-hanging branches about 33% of the time. (i think i'm done complaining now.)
-i lied. more complaining. in the 'burbs, there are some pretty excellent bike paths. like little roads for bikes. except they're also for horses. which means poop in the way. gross.
-by the end of the year, i will ride the entire 12ish miles of hills to school and back. keeping in mind that suburban hills are very different from city hills, i'm taking it one way at a time. i found a sign on the arvada side that reads Platte River: 7 Miles, so i've got a solid frame of reference for what the ride entails. maybe the last week i'll do the entire commute. (i'm also doing a 5k at the end of april. hrmmm.)
colorado's fine weather has officially kicked in, so i'm riding my bike a ton again. welp, and my car died. in the eisenhower tunnel. that's a story for another day. essentially, i'm biking to the bus and back every day for work. have been for a little over a month. it's pretty rad...i'm on my bike for about 40 minutes a day, and on the bus for roughly the same. AND I GET TO PEOPLE WATCH AND EAVESDROP on the bus. sometimes a hassle, but mostly it's rad.
-not only can you not RIDE your bike on the 16th Street Mall, you also can't even take your bike on the shuttle bus. that's wack. especially considering that the bus advertises alternative transportation and how savvy it is to save gas. not to mention that there ARE NO BIKE LINES ON 15th or 17th. seriously wack. riddle me this: one day, whilst riding between Welton and Lawrence, the shuttle bus was driving ALONGSIDE me. what the what?
-in my opinion, the suburbs are worse. no bike lanes, no shoulders. way to go, colorado. there's this willow tree that i ride by, and since there is no lane and no shoulder, i smack myself in the face with it's low-hanging branches about 33% of the time. (i think i'm done complaining now.)
-i lied. more complaining. in the 'burbs, there are some pretty excellent bike paths. like little roads for bikes. except they're also for horses. which means poop in the way. gross.
-by the end of the year, i will ride the entire 12ish miles of hills to school and back. keeping in mind that suburban hills are very different from city hills, i'm taking it one way at a time. i found a sign on the arvada side that reads Platte River: 7 Miles, so i've got a solid frame of reference for what the ride entails. maybe the last week i'll do the entire commute. (i'm also doing a 5k at the end of april. hrmmm.)
Friday, December 9, 2011
"when i can't remember what grace is...."
.:in the loneliest places:.
tell me, once again, who i am.
wow.
geez.a.lou.
don't get me started on cheezeball contemporary christian music. if you have before, you know how cynical and haughty i can be. horrible. both the music and my attitude...but mostly the music.
then
every now and again
even the coldest of hearts
has a moment
where she turns to that station
and
hears
a beautifully simple song
that answers the only prayer
she's earnestly been making over the last year.
doesn't make the song a great work of art.
or the video any better.
but it makes a difference.
still processing that.
tell me, once again, who i am.
wow.
geez.a.lou.
don't get me started on cheezeball contemporary christian music. if you have before, you know how cynical and haughty i can be. horrible. both the music and my attitude...but mostly the music.
then
every now and again
even the coldest of hearts
has a moment
where she turns to that station
and
hears
a beautifully simple song
that answers the only prayer
she's earnestly been making over the last year.
doesn't make the song a great work of art.
or the video any better.
but it makes a difference.
still processing that.
Friday, October 14, 2011
"We all have our own go-to people, but you girls are my forever go-to people."
Quoteblog...Queen Bee style. I've known these ladies starting at the age of 5, which has now been THIRTY YEARS for some of us. Wowza. We spent a long weekend of CELEBRATION in Florida recently.
"The get up and go got up and went." -sadee
"We've got security." -lou
"Why does Charlotte Russe have an outlet store?" -jill
"If people see me pick my nose, I don't really care."
"Are you gonna put this on your blog? I don't want to have to censor myself." -sadee
"I really like this...well, until I saw these f*ckers." -sloan on birds
"Are you doing inappropriate things with my pen?" -lou
"Self-diagnosed. High anxiety. Tightly wound." -medhurst
"Oh, we're not in Colorado. I have a hard time remembering that you live in Florida." -maggie
"I thought you would appreciate that. You especially." -keri
"...the lesbian and her lesbian friend. COME ON, YOU CARPET MUNCHERS!!" -maggie
"I really don't like bees. But I really like bees!" -allison
"That's exactly what it says at the Gap. 'This b already bought something online.'"
"Sara, you should skip the ruffage." -svr
"Mary told me she would buy my Coach purse." -maggie
"He's very generous in his own kind of ways. But those are not his ways." -sadee
"I...am about....to stick my face...in that big bowl of cho-co-late mousse." -jill
"I frickin' love enchiladas." -fritzel
"I had my moment where I invited Jesus into my heart. But it was a lie." -mg
"I would work here just to hear "Sleigh Ride" every day." -sara on disney
"All the other girls are gonna be sooo jealous!" -allie on fairy dust
"It's not your fault, I just look chubby." -jill
"It may be cutting off the electricity of my body." -svr
"I would like to do a water aerobics class. Like with senior citizens." -sadee on exercise
"Now, if I'm a white girl from Illinois, is it still just a "little" spicy?" -jill
"Jill has two beers and is....ready to screw the bartender." -maggie on tolerance
"You want some drizzle dizzle?" -lou
"I can't even speak grammar." -maggie
"I'm a little tipsy. I don't know if I've ever been totally drunk around you guys."
"Jill's like the paparazzi." -maggie
"Keri, do you want to go next? While you can still form a sentence?" -jill on highs and lows
"You ever had your business done?" -jill
"Not professionally." -lou
"Never roam alone!" -luke on bernard
"Oh, I was on the tit."
"Oh, shit! That's great!" -luke on pictures
"....and Sloan is the same height as the Medhurst girls." -sadee on the same pictures
"Do you think Bernard is playing with his penus in here?"
"They don't make a condom for your heart, Jill."
"Did you guys know that in high school I was really popular for doing the running man??" -keri
"I like to touch my flower." -smf
"Sloan, do you have a pen?"
"I thought you stole a pen."
"If we were in the DAR, you'd be our historian." -sadee
"Hair down. No boobs." -allie on first impressions
"I enjoyed the side trip to the ghetto." -lou
"Lou, we should sit together more often. We're funny." -jill
"She is NOT okay."
"All of the shirts in my closet are short sleeved. And I live in Illinois." -sloan
"No, thanks. We don't drink and drive." -sadee on coupons
"Oh, are you gonna put it in your purse and recycle it?" -maggie on pizza crust
"Now why did we stop when I just said I was gonna do what I was gonna do?" -sloan
"Her name is Helen because Sloan likes to mute her." -maggie on the garmin
"There I am, itching my hoo-ha. Don't worry; I'm not up in there."
"You are ruining their 'Happiest Place on Earth' moment." -lou
"...And now she's Elmo." -sadee
"Doesn't this just make you happy, Jill?"
"Now there's an adult up there...OK, he's mentally handicapped."
"No chocolate! GO DANCE UP THERE!!" -all sadee on downtown disney
"Those sorority girls like that crap." -sadee on paint your own pottery
"And Jill." -maggie
"Are you saying my neck is fat?"
"Yeah-I have a godmother. She's 78." -maggie
"You can be in a movie at 15, why can't you be a godmother?" -sara
"Do you have pictures yet?" -lou on the plimptons
"So George Plimpton is married to the young model?!" -sara
(all of the above plus 18 other quotes happened while all 8 of us were in the car. There was only ONE actual topic of conversation.)
"You're fine. Move on. Build a bridge." -maggie
"I should drink more." -medhurst
"And I do watch a little too much Nancy Grace. I own that." -sadee on conservative views
"The get up and go got up and went." -sadee
"We've got security." -lou
"Why does Charlotte Russe have an outlet store?" -jill
"If people see me pick my nose, I don't really care."
"Are you gonna put this on your blog? I don't want to have to censor myself." -sadee
"I really like this...well, until I saw these f*ckers." -sloan on birds
"Are you doing inappropriate things with my pen?" -lou
"Self-diagnosed. High anxiety. Tightly wound." -medhurst
"Oh, we're not in Colorado. I have a hard time remembering that you live in Florida." -maggie
"I thought you would appreciate that. You especially." -keri
"...the lesbian and her lesbian friend. COME ON, YOU CARPET MUNCHERS!!" -maggie
"I really don't like bees. But I really like bees!" -allison
"That's exactly what it says at the Gap. 'This b already bought something online.'"
"Sara, you should skip the ruffage." -svr
"Mary told me she would buy my Coach purse." -maggie
"He's very generous in his own kind of ways. But those are not his ways." -sadee
"I...am about....to stick my face...in that big bowl of cho-co-late mousse." -jill
"I frickin' love enchiladas." -fritzel
"I had my moment where I invited Jesus into my heart. But it was a lie." -mg
"I would work here just to hear "Sleigh Ride" every day." -sara on disney
"All the other girls are gonna be sooo jealous!" -allie on fairy dust
"It's not your fault, I just look chubby." -jill
"It may be cutting off the electricity of my body." -svr
"I would like to do a water aerobics class. Like with senior citizens." -sadee on exercise
"Now, if I'm a white girl from Illinois, is it still just a "little" spicy?" -jill
"Jill has two beers and is....ready to screw the bartender." -maggie on tolerance
"You want some drizzle dizzle?" -lou
"I can't even speak grammar." -maggie
"I'm a little tipsy. I don't know if I've ever been totally drunk around you guys."
"Jill's like the paparazzi." -maggie
"Keri, do you want to go next? While you can still form a sentence?" -jill on highs and lows
"You ever had your business done?" -jill
"Not professionally." -lou
"Never roam alone!" -luke on bernard
"Oh, I was on the tit."
"Oh, shit! That's great!" -luke on pictures
"....and Sloan is the same height as the Medhurst girls." -sadee on the same pictures
"Do you think Bernard is playing with his penus in here?"
"They don't make a condom for your heart, Jill."
"Did you guys know that in high school I was really popular for doing the running man??" -keri
"I like to touch my flower." -smf
"Sloan, do you have a pen?"
"I thought you stole a pen."
"If we were in the DAR, you'd be our historian." -sadee
"Hair down. No boobs." -allie on first impressions
"I enjoyed the side trip to the ghetto." -lou
"Lou, we should sit together more often. We're funny." -jill
"She is NOT okay."
"All of the shirts in my closet are short sleeved. And I live in Illinois." -sloan
"No, thanks. We don't drink and drive." -sadee on coupons
"Oh, are you gonna put it in your purse and recycle it?" -maggie on pizza crust
"Now why did we stop when I just said I was gonna do what I was gonna do?" -sloan
"Her name is Helen because Sloan likes to mute her." -maggie on the garmin
"There I am, itching my hoo-ha. Don't worry; I'm not up in there."
"You are ruining their 'Happiest Place on Earth' moment." -lou
"...And now she's Elmo." -sadee
"Doesn't this just make you happy, Jill?"
"Now there's an adult up there...OK, he's mentally handicapped."
"No chocolate! GO DANCE UP THERE!!" -all sadee on downtown disney
"Those sorority girls like that crap." -sadee on paint your own pottery
"And Jill." -maggie
"Are you saying my neck is fat?"
"Yeah-I have a godmother. She's 78." -maggie
"You can be in a movie at 15, why can't you be a godmother?" -sara
"Do you have pictures yet?" -lou on the plimptons
"So George Plimpton is married to the young model?!" -sara
(all of the above plus 18 other quotes happened while all 8 of us were in the car. There was only ONE actual topic of conversation.)
"You're fine. Move on. Build a bridge." -maggie
"I should drink more." -medhurst
"And I do watch a little too much Nancy Grace. I own that." -sadee on conservative views
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