"Let's be honest, Jill would recycle a used napkin if you'd let her."

quite some time back (uuum, may the 6th to be exact, according to the journal entry) i decided that i would steal nicole's idea. she posts "Random" lists in lieu of a full blog entry, and i thought this might help me get over my not wanting to write/not prepared to share phase. false. all i did was begin compiling little random lists in even more random places. over a month later, i am looking at these hash marked scraps of paper wondering what i meant when i originally wrote them....others i remember vividly and have been thinking all the more about them. so we'll see what comes out. geez a lou.

• i used to despise aspen trees. now i not only enjoy them, i delight in them.
• my fantasy band is named Foghorn Leghorn. in it, i play the banjo. we do shows at the Grizzly Rose.
• there is no feeling as melancholy and indescribable as finishing a good book.
• it bugs me that i didn't appreciate living in a commuter city when i lived in one, given as much as i miss that vibe now that i don't. i've become such a driver that i frustrate myself.
• billie joe armstrong is one cool cat. KERPLUNK! has always been my favorite Green Day album, but i've put it back into heavy rotation lately. then i heard him on Fresh Air with Terry Gross and figured out that i always want to be a scene kid. and would love it if i met my husband by a dumpster outside of the (insert bar here).
• seeing The Tallest Man on Earth open for Nathaniel Rateliff at the Bluebird last month was superb. it reminded me of everything i love about live music, about any music. mostly i revel in the experience...shows being, at once, both wholly communal and completely individual an occurrence. somehow, among the expected and even the surprises, i am always caught off guard. that's guud stuff right there.
• i love "p" words. always have. lately they've popped up everywhere: proclivity, purloined, perplexed...i need to utilize (uuh, practice?) them in conversation.
• red ants still freak my freak. after the beachfront path experience in South Carolina in 2006, i haven't seen them often. but, when i do...man, oh man.
• i've found myself revisiting old places of importance.
• i'm learning how to navigate using a language that was taught to me (in earnest) by a church i no longer see fruit from....that separation used to be hard, now i just know that it's time. i mean, read the first part of that. how could i begin to justify staying? tried that before.
• Bon Jovi, Steven Tyler and Mick Jagger are not the same person. nor are they in the same band. just a friendly reminder.
• i did a day of silence back in april. i'm feeling it's high time to do that again.
• hearing any southern rock or bob seger makes me miss my dad. and want to be at a bradford family wedding reception.
• sitting in st. mark's as i write this, i notice a heart above the counter. lots of little intricacies that i didn't notice when i was here for the first time, on a first date (gack!), back in december.
• lately i've dug some lenka, soul coughing and frank turner for my eers. check them out.
  

"At This Point in My Life" -Tracy Chapman

Done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right
Oh I, Oh I've
Done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right


At this point in my life
I've done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right
If you put your trust in me I hope I won't let you down
If you give me a chance I'll try


You see it's been a hard road the road I'm traveling on
And if I take your hand I might lead you down the path to ruin
I've had a hard life I'm just saying it so you'll understand
That right now, right now, I'm doing the best I can
At this point in my life


At this point in my life
Although I've mostly walked in the shadows
I'm still searching for the light
Won't you put your faith in me
We both know that's what matters
If you give me a chance I'll try


You see I've been climbing stairs but mostly stumbling down
I've been reaching high always losing ground
You see I've been reaching high but always losing ground
You see I've conquered hills but I still have mountains to climb
And right now right now I'm doing the best I can
At this point in my life


Before we take a step
Before we walk down that path
Before I make any promises
Before you have regrets
Before we talk commitment
Let me tell you of my past
All I've seen and all I've done
The things I'd like to forget
At this point in my life


At this point in my life
I'd like to live as if only love mattered
As if redemption was in sight
As if the search to live honestly
Is all that anyone needs
No matter if you find it


You see when I've touched the sky
The earth's gravity has pulled me down
But now I've reconciled that in this world
Birds and angels get the wings to fly
If you can believe in this heart of mine
If you can give it a try
Then I'll reach inside and find and give you
All the sweetness that I have
At this point in my life

"It feels fuzzy. Like a squirrel."

"Buying red shoes is not a sickness. Scarlett fever is a sickness." -Jacob, 2nd
"Pneumonia is a sickness." -Maria, age 4

"I'm 11. So I have the right to tell people to shut up." -Dorrian, 5th

"John Elway is still living, so he is not dead." -Julian, 4th

"Well, we're still hungry, too. Just because you're pregnant you don't get to each lunch twice." -George, 1st

"That just looks like yoga to me." -Lucy, age 5

"Don't copy mines! You can't have mines."
"...the midget...uh, the little guy, for yous to be happy." -Alex, 5th

"You better watch it. You're on my adult blog."

The title quote comes from Steph and a conversation that took place before heading to the hi-dive almost two months ago. I've been slacking on the blog, and even more so on carrying the book with me wherein I notate such gems. Unfortunately for you, my wide readership, you'll have to do with the few I've posted below. Obviously I have many more (tap tap) "in my head". Life has been exceedingly busy and equally spectacular the last few months...feel free to ask for your own live version of insipid. I'll happily talk about the shows seen, the skateboarding done, the prom dresses worn, the hair clapped and the biker clapping, the robberies witnessed, the poems processed...you get the idea. all true stories, all the time...

"Are you writing this in a textbook?" -Kris on my inquisitiveness

"Why is there a 'y' and a 'w' in the same word?!" -Jessica on yellow

"I'm done with this Indian horseshit for a while." -Edubs on 3rd world travel

"Point one for whitey." -Erin on the plane

"Your embarrassment is only my personal delight." -Jessica on my story (any given, actually)

"Great! They have me on camera reading a Justin Beiber magazine!" -JRe on 7-11

"An old piece of bacon never eaten by Elvis...."

I've been feeling very unsettled lately. That has taken many forms, and I'm still deciphering it. It's varied the last week from anticipatory excitement to ugly-cry confusion, but it's led me to believe that GOD has something big in store for the next few bits of time. If you're into prayer, I'd appreciate some serious intercession. If you're into music, you should familiarize yourself with Rufus Wainwright. There's a Rufus for every season. I've been listening to Want One the last few days, and aside from laying down the soundtrack for some serious shower dancing, it's put a finger on some of my enigmatic feelings as well.

I don't know what it is
But you got to do it
I don't know where to go
But you got to be there
I don't know where to fall
But I know that its comfortable where
I don't know where it is

Putting all of my time
In learning to care
And a bucket of rhymes
I threw up somewhere
Want a locket of who
Made me lose my perfunctory view
Of all that is around
And of all that I do

So I knock on the door
Take a step that is new
Never been here before
Is there anyone else here too
In love with beauty
Playing all of the games
Who thinks three's company
Is there anyone else who wears slightly mysterious brusies
I don't know what it is

Take a lookin around
At friendly faces
All declaring a war on far off places
Is there anyone else who is through with
complaining about what's done unto us

So I knock on the door
And I am on a train
Going god knows where to
To get me over
To get me over

Give me heaven or hell
Calais or Dover

I was hoping the train
Was my big number
Stopping in Santa Fe and the Atchison-Topeka
Though I'm chugging along, put away by the crossing hand
We'll be heading for Portland, or Limburgh or Lower Manhattan
Find myself running around

I don't know what it is so get me over
I don't know what it is so get me over
I don't know what it is so get me over
To get me over
You gotta do it.
You gotta be there.

"Maybe that's God's way of saying, 'Not today, Jill, not today.'."

Realizing that it's nearly the end of March, I'm backing up to say that I had a nutball crazy February. It was eventful, and I spent over half of the month out of town. One of those adventures took me to Haviland, Kansas to visit the Hinshaw family. Donnie was the junior high youth pastor at 4Cs when I first moved to Colorado. For the better part of 4 years, a group of us volunteered together and worked at the church. It was a seriously magical and powerful time. Donnie's wife, Rhonda, is incredible. She embodies the Proverbs 31 woman. The Hinshaws continue to be a giant influence on my life. (Did I mention that they have 4 beautiful children that I love dearly? We'll get to that.)

Twelve of us left Arvada for Haviland...a combination of leaders and students, friends old and new. We hung out and caught up on life, worshipped with Phil Wickham, ate Mexican food (yup, in Kansas), hung out some more, shot a bunch of guns, played carpetball and that dumb pool table game (that I actually like now), and then hung out some more. In a combination slide show insipid quote list, I give you the highlights...


First stop: Genoa, CO. In my quest to see all things superlative, we are drawn to the "Wonder Tower", where we are promised a view of 6 STATES! As you can see, it was a wondrous tower. It was also closed. Boo. However, the 12 blocks of Genoa and it's amazing dirt roads gave us some entertainment regardless. C'mon, it's Jill, JRe and JigglyPuff. Of course it's a hoot and a holler.

"I feel like the Boxcar Children are about to hop out." -JRe on Genoa
"That sign might have been worth it." -JRe on the uber-dangerous traffic



After crossing the state line, we venture into Goodland, KS to see "The World's Largest Easel". In fact, it's only the state's largest easel, as the Canadian creator of this 768 square foot masterpiece is on a quest to replicate all 7 of Picasso's sunflower paintings and put them on every continent. Seriously. The easel itself is 80 feet tall.



That's me posing in front. For a little perspective action, here's JigglyPuff:




Possibly the most hilarious part of the trip, for me, takes place during these next 15 minutes. First, we're stopping in Kansas to take pictures of an oversized painting. With JigglyPuff. That's enough to rouse a nice bout of laughter from me. Then the Rotary Club has a sign in sheet for the visitors...I, of course, make a Dumb & Dumber reference by signing "Kansas, you've TOTALLY redeemed yourself!" right under a guy that passed along a real gem of advice, "Smoke weed or die".

Next, we honestly could not have chosen the neighboring shops of said easel to create a better story, so I'll let the pictures (and our faces in them) do the talking.


"I'll take the picture from back here. I don't want you to get chopped up. Or them to think you're mocking them. -JRe on Bubba's
"But I am." -me on the ever obvious




"Who'da thought all of this would be in the same area?" -me on the hot mess
"It's a gift. Like Christmas." -Jess
"In April....Except it's February." -me

Once we got to Haviland, JRe discovered she had a new talent and a new love. The talent being throwing clay pigeons for shooting and the love being the Gagers.





"First we shoot like this. Then we shoot from the hip like this."
"Why can't I cry? What if my bone's broke?" -BarryRay
"You don't even know what could've pooped right there." -Jess to Ben on snow




"You aren't a very good liberal." -Andy on Jill and guns



"There aren't any peachers there." -Leighton on going to the country

Cute kid, huh? Darnell, Lantern...my first baby friend. He plays the harmonica.



Lauren and Lillian. Tons of super fun memories of these pretty Pony ladies...we played waaay too many hours of Memory, read hundreds of books, had water balloon fights and laughfests aplenty. Somehow they'll always be 6 and 10 to me. (Good thing Jess and I are willing to stay immature just for memories' sake.)




"Oh. Mountain people." -random dude at Barclay (note the plaid and stocking hats)



"Or you could go to Belvidere." -Rhonda on our directional aptitude
"You just ruined worship for me." -Donald on melons
"My sister probably keeps a lot of games from me." -JRe on Micah
"Jill's always the last woman standing." -BKainz on late nights
"It's because I'm lost." -JRe on Uturns
"Wow. It's so sexy. Like bra sizes." -JRe on Kansas' highway abbreviations
"I am. I'm allergic to love." -Jess on Ollie
"I don't know. Hopefully he's dying." -Donnie on limping

"He paints little Mexican homeys."

(the adult version...back by my own popular demand)

"You're kinda hilarious, turns out." -Derek on the obvious

"I feel like there's a lot of skipping around involved. And I just ate too many pancakes." -LT on hyper heidi

"A + B = C....something something algebra." -Justin on Jesus

"No blue for you, babycakes." -Uncle Duey on bar soap

"This is your one chance at greatness, Jill." -Doug on 15ball
"Like taking candy from a baby." -Doug on the same

"Well, there is a chance he doesn't think it's completely weird." -Adam on jumping in the pool

"You don't really have a choice." -Grandma on being 92

"Please don't say that. I'm gonna start having flashbacks." -Jill on 'common sense'

"I'm glad that part's over." -Duey on Monday