"We came in somewhere between 'crackhead' and 'has a gun'."

SUMMER 2009 TO DO LIST

• play at least 5 disc golf courses
• sit on Stella's patio twice (and find a new patio on which to sit)
• volunteer at MaxFund weekly
• visit 2 new speakouts
• save at least $100 per month
• go to the Bluebird, hi-dive, Gothic, and Fox
• join a book club
• go to church every week
• blog once a week
• visit 3 new superlatives on road trip
• skateboard once a week
• diligently work on Words Words Words (my dictionary journal)
• do 5 new-to-me hikes
• enroll in at least once class (ceramics, improv, dance, scene study, or "school")
• visit the Hall family, either in Cortez or at Lake Powell
• work on a Habitat for Humanity house
• camp 3 times
• read ten Old Testament books
• go see Carhenge (perhaps with Micah?)
• go to at least 2 First Fridays (Santa Fe & Tennyson)
• buy my produce from Farmer's Markets
• play on a softball or kickball team
• do the Oak Park Frank Lloyd Wright walking tour
• journal twice a week
• JUMP STREET! JUMP STREET! JUMP STREET! (this will probably be the birthday)
• visit at least one museum per month
• talk to KJ (RE: Wyoming State Fair)
• handwrite 2 letters per week

"It whistles, it snorts...that thing is a Cuisinart."

Today it was in the blissful upper 70s, so I headed to my car during recess to put on my Chacos. I was parked immediately next to the playground. As I opened my door, two 2nd grade boys ran up to the fence.

One of them yells at me, "What you got up in there?".
To which I reply, "Just shoes. I'm changing them."
"No! What kinda engine you got up in there?"

2nd grade. Ridiculous.

Who needs a manual to write real good?

(I'm a huge NPR fan (read: nerd) ...I've recently all but completely turned off the hip-hop in my car. I heard this story twice on All Things Considered Thursday. It was just as good the second time. I highly recommend listening.)

Today marks the 50th anniversary of William Strunk and E.B. White's Elements of Style, the grammar manual used by millions of students, including commentator Marc Acito. (Incidentally, I read Acito's first novel, How I Paid For College, a few years ago.)
Me and a friend was talking about using proper grammar. And he says to I, "Today is the 50th anniversary of Strunk and White's Elements of Style." (1)
So I got me a copy and totally mesmerized this vast suppository of information. For instance, Strunk and White says, "Write with nouns and verbs." (2) Myself, for one, is relieved to know this, as I have been trying to write with macaroni and cheese.
And it is never recommended to willfully and recklessly — because it puts undue emphasis on the adverb — split an infinitive. (3) Oops. You might have just heard out of the corner of your ear that the passive voice was used by myself. It is to be avoided. (4) Unless you are the CEO of a bank, in which case you cannot do your job without saying "mistakes were made."
Other rules they learned me were to not verbify a word by adding a suffix. (5) Avoid cliches like the plague. (6) Use adverbs sparingly. (7) And do not speak in the negative. (8)
They also recommend using language that is definite, specific and concrete. So don't say, "We had a period of bad weather." (9) Say, "Every definite day for a week it rained concrete." See how that sentence is kinda, y'know, specific? More or less?
Strunk and White continues to update their book, even though both of them are dead. (10) But some of their advice is old-fashioned and, frankly, downright arachnophobic.
For instance, they say to keep related words together. (11) That's fine for all intensive purposes, but what if one of your related words empties your bank account and goes to Atlantic City and loses all your money at the blackjack table? Yeah, that word is dead to me. And you know who you are, grandma.
When it comes to "shall" and "will," Strunk and White gives the following example: (12) "A swimmer in distress cries, 'I shall drown; no one will save me!' " But a suicide says, "I will drown; no one shall save me!" And I say, "You two (pedantic) know-it-alls deserve to drown." I mean, what about "Help!"
And with regarding the difference between lie and lay (13) — no one actually knows the difference, but politicians do both.
So who needs a manual to write real good? In the age of tweeting and texting, Elements of Style deserves to fade into Bolivia.

1) http://chronicle.com/free/v55/i32/32b01501.htm
2) Elements of Style, Third Edition, 1979, p. 71
3) Elements, p. 58
4) Elements, p. 18
5) Elements, p. 50
6) Elements, p. 81
7) Elements, p. 75-76
8) Elements, p. 19
9) Elements, p. 21
10) http://www.boston.com/news/globe/ideas/articles/2005/10/23/frankenstrunk/
11) Elements, p. 28
12) Elements, p. 58
13) Elements, p. 51

"Every Sunday we go to church to PRAISE THE LORD!"

the blog title comes from a 6-year-old who was talking to himself during a math activity at school yesterday. did i mention that the kid is a Russian gypsy? ferreals.

i've thought of posting often, but haven't done it. i hope this satisfies the legions of my readers (read: fransene). i have a few things brewing, and if i can break myself away from my exciting face-mask-nail-polish-Freaks-and-Geeks Friday night, I may type them in. i recently started to write again....no promises, but we'll see.

as i realize that i'm more of a "Dear Diary" type blogger, i also realize that if you haven't talked to me recently, only read this pap, you might think i was in the bell jar. i was. i'm not anymore. whew. good friday, folks.