I've been less than faithful to my summer "to do" list, and this blog is but one sorely suffering aspect. There are about three major entries (errr, ideas) bouncing around my brain. They've all made it onto the pages of my journal, hopefully they'll spill out here soon.
For today, I'm ruminating on some basic questions. Simple, really. At the same time complex. Blame it on 24 hours bathed in one too many episodes of Sex & the City, as well as a few movies posing questions both spiritual and existential (damn you, Wes Anderson!). You may think that spiritual and existential cover the same ground, but I'm going to separate them. And address neither of them too specifically here.
Why is it, in matters of relationships, that we (desperately seeking early 30s types) don't risk more...and more often? I know that the last few years have brought me to a place of understanding myself and my emotions more than I ever thought I would. It can be argued that I know what I want and am unwilling to settle.
"Anything less than extraordinary is a waste of my time."...a quote from a movie I first saw in my early 20s. It has long been a mantra. However, the relationships that I've endured since have shown me that compromise isn't necessarily a weakness.
Random chats with strangers are my specialty. Yet, I've been hesitant to throw caution (or cushions) to the wind in any serious manner. Perhaps I've clung a bit too tightly to my definition of extraordinary. If my experience has shown that I learn more from being in a relationship, and that the hurt of an ending is, indeed, bearable...what am I still afraid of?
Ramble ramble...make a point...I don't think I'm really afraid anymore. Maybe the risks I was unwilling to take in my 20s were due to fear, but the lack of action now can only be chalked up to apathy.
It seems to me that we have more to gain and less to lose than ever before.
(side note: of the 600 cds i no longer have, today i'm missing Frou Frou and Jesus & the Mary Chain)
