Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
"Oh, he can hear me."
"I think it was, like, the end of creation and God was like, 'Let's stick parts of these 3 animals together.' Front-back-middle-Platypus!" -JRe on water mammals
"At least I have my modesty panel. No one wants to see 61-year-old boobs."-Mom Keller on wedding attire
"Let's be honest: people like you." -Jessica on job interviews
"You know you like to crush the nutballs." -Dave on Camels
"Yeah, my name's Josh. Look at my shoes, of course my name is Josh." -Riley on Wrouley
"Richard Tate. I went to school with him." -Joe on Lil' Rascal jokes
"There are so many reasons why we are not doctors." -Jess on forceps/triceps
"Yeah, they usually have convenience stores in city parks. 7-11, probably." -Mel on water
"Skinny jeans. Bigger man." -LT on hipster rollerblading
"Are you calling me on purpose?" -Manderson on Monday afternoon randomness
"Maybe he doesn't believe what he sees." -Mel on flirtatious eye contact
"At least I have my modesty panel. No one wants to see 61-year-old boobs."-Mom Keller on wedding attire
"Let's be honest: people like you." -Jessica on job interviews
"You know you like to crush the nutballs." -Dave on Camels
"Yeah, my name's Josh. Look at my shoes, of course my name is Josh." -Riley on Wrouley
"Richard Tate. I went to school with him." -Joe on Lil' Rascal jokes
"There are so many reasons why we are not doctors." -Jess on forceps/triceps
"Yeah, they usually have convenience stores in city parks. 7-11, probably." -Mel on water
"Skinny jeans. Bigger man." -LT on hipster rollerblading
"Are you calling me on purpose?" -Manderson on Monday afternoon randomness
"Maybe he doesn't believe what he sees." -Mel on flirtatious eye contact
Chart the journey that Balboa took...
(i usually enjoy the out-of-context quote list, but the exchange(s) had with my new friend olivia and the interior monologue that i had on loop that day were too irresistible to NOT post. i'm fully realizing that karma is a comedienne.)
"I don't think anyone can do that right now. Maybe in a long time-like 6 or 7 thousand years. And probably not a person; maybe a machine will be able to figure that out." -Jacob, 8, on fortune telling
"I think both styles of your hair are actually kinda funky." -Jacob on hawk vs. not
"Where's your mom?" -Olivia, 5, sitting behind me on a rafting trip (read: total stranger)
"In Illinois." -me
"Where's your dad?"
"Illinois."
"Why are you alone? How are you doing all by yourself?" (how much time do you have, kid?)
"Because I'm a big kid. I'm an adult."
"No, you're not!" (it's one thing to be questioned or carded by an adult...but a 5-year-old?)
~approximately 20 minutes later~
"Are you a boy or a girl?" (actually, i'm a lesbian. so i'm kinda both. negotiate that! any more questions?)
"So get the crust out." -Jacob on splinters and Chaco foot
"It's none of your business. None of your grown-up business. It's really no grown-up business. It's more me and Mattias' business. I might actually get expelled. Well, in 8th grade. Maybe I shouldn't say this out loud. I might forget about it." -Jacob on $10 and where he got it
"I'm not cool. I don't want to be. It's torture. Then it just makes you popular. Popular is more torture." -Jacob responding to me including him in a group of "cool" people
"I don't think anyone can do that right now. Maybe in a long time-like 6 or 7 thousand years. And probably not a person; maybe a machine will be able to figure that out." -Jacob, 8, on fortune telling
"I think both styles of your hair are actually kinda funky." -Jacob on hawk vs. not
"Where's your mom?" -Olivia, 5, sitting behind me on a rafting trip (read: total stranger)
"In Illinois." -me
"Where's your dad?"
"Illinois."
"Why are you alone? How are you doing all by yourself?" (how much time do you have, kid?)
"Because I'm a big kid. I'm an adult."
"No, you're not!" (it's one thing to be questioned or carded by an adult...but a 5-year-old?)
~approximately 20 minutes later~
"Are you a boy or a girl?" (actually, i'm a lesbian. so i'm kinda both. negotiate that! any more questions?)
"So get the crust out." -Jacob on splinters and Chaco foot
"It's none of your business. None of your grown-up business. It's really no grown-up business. It's more me and Mattias' business. I might actually get expelled. Well, in 8th grade. Maybe I shouldn't say this out loud. I might forget about it." -Jacob on $10 and where he got it
"I'm not cool. I don't want to be. It's torture. Then it just makes you popular. Popular is more torture." -Jacob responding to me including him in a group of "cool" people
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Just a friendly reminder: Punctuation exists and can be your friend.
Possibly the quickest turnaround for the quote blog...but Maggie came to town for our birthdays and the Cubs series, so most of these come from the walk to Coors Field, the stands, the Rockpile, or driving down Colfax in my trusty '96 Honda. As I drove home last night, the corner of 22nd & Blake seemed mighty different.
"Tanks for Jesus? That's our new band name." -JRe on my mumbly singing
"Arthur Ashe? I'm pretty sure that's a tennis player." -Jess on the Hash twins
"And he's black." -Jill
"In my mind, it's pretty straight. And it also looks like a pig." -Jessica on the US/Canadian border
(insert my bewildered & incredulous facial expressions)
"I'm sorry, did I say that out loud? I've never told anyone that I thought that." -Jess
"No, you mean you're different." -Maggie on judging
"I'm gonna be straight up with you. I know more about the world than he does." -a Beekman truth joke
"I'm just looking for some guud times." -Maggie on team loyalty (how dare she?)
"It's like a beat up FORD..." -Maggie on my ill-working power locks
"It's a Honda and you know that." -me
"Well, it's got to be some kind of conviction. Religious or prison, it's something." -Maggie on life choices
"There are radishes and there are nipples." -Rachel Lee on madlibs
"This gentleman getting into this cab right here just came up with the greatest porn site ever: White Belt Black Ass." -AndrewN (yup, i saw him again)
"Get off my nuts about the water." -Maggie on hydration
"I'll punch her. I'll boob punch her. Because I'm allowed to." -Micah on sisters
"Do you want me to go over there and take care of those lesbians with the horn?" -me on the viivvvvooosoccer things
"See. Butt sex. Not that bad." -Micah on OCD
"Super sweet goat....what's that about?" -Lowedown on texts
"People from Illinois-we're all assholes." -Jaci on the 309 (holler. i'll claim it.)
"How long will British Jill be with us?" -Maggie on annoyance
"I'd take some undercarriage. Right now it's all crotch." -Micah on 92 degrees and metal
"Here's the thing: That's something I don't care about." -JRe on innings
"Unacceptable. UN-Acceptable! UNACCEPTABLE!" -Micah on Cubs fans & Steve Goodman
"If there's one thing I've learned, you take a knee when a player gets hurt.!" -Micah on Fowler
"You can't talk that loud. This thing goes way back." -Jim on Micah's rage
"Better than no boyfriend at all. Of all the guys you had to pick." -Maggie on TYB & CFU
"I go home every 4 months. For beer." -new friend Krista on New Glarus
"After 34 years, you'd think I wouldn't be so surprised by this." -me on game 3
"That you lost?" -Micah
"Now, how it makes me feel."
"If something feel good, go ahead and indulge." -Kari on wobbly extension
"Tanks for Jesus? That's our new band name." -JRe on my mumbly singing
"Arthur Ashe? I'm pretty sure that's a tennis player." -Jess on the Hash twins
"And he's black." -Jill
"In my mind, it's pretty straight. And it also looks like a pig." -Jessica on the US/Canadian border
(insert my bewildered & incredulous facial expressions)
"I'm sorry, did I say that out loud? I've never told anyone that I thought that." -Jess
"No, you mean you're different." -Maggie on judging
"I'm gonna be straight up with you. I know more about the world than he does." -a Beekman truth joke
"I'm just looking for some guud times." -Maggie on team loyalty (how dare she?)
"It's like a beat up FORD..." -Maggie on my ill-working power locks
"It's a Honda and you know that." -me
"Well, it's got to be some kind of conviction. Religious or prison, it's something." -Maggie on life choices
"There are radishes and there are nipples." -Rachel Lee on madlibs
"This gentleman getting into this cab right here just came up with the greatest porn site ever: White Belt Black Ass." -AndrewN (yup, i saw him again)
"Get off my nuts about the water." -Maggie on hydration
"I'll punch her. I'll boob punch her. Because I'm allowed to." -Micah on sisters
"Do you want me to go over there and take care of those lesbians with the horn?" -me on the viivvvvooosoccer things
"See. Butt sex. Not that bad." -Micah on OCD
"Super sweet goat....what's that about?" -Lowedown on texts
"People from Illinois-we're all assholes." -Jaci on the 309 (holler. i'll claim it.)
"How long will British Jill be with us?" -Maggie on annoyance
"I'd take some undercarriage. Right now it's all crotch." -Micah on 92 degrees and metal
"Here's the thing: That's something I don't care about." -JRe on innings
"Unacceptable. UN-Acceptable! UNACCEPTABLE!" -Micah on Cubs fans & Steve Goodman
"If there's one thing I've learned, you take a knee when a player gets hurt.!" -Micah on Fowler
"You can't talk that loud. This thing goes way back." -Jim on Micah's rage
"Better than no boyfriend at all. Of all the guys you had to pick." -Maggie on TYB & CFU
"I go home every 4 months. For beer." -new friend Krista on New Glarus
"After 34 years, you'd think I wouldn't be so surprised by this." -me on game 3
"That you lost?" -Micah
"Now, how it makes me feel."
"If something feel good, go ahead and indulge." -Kari on wobbly extension
Monday, August 2, 2010
"Squirrels kinda scare me, because I don't want the rabies."
"Why does the English language have to be so daft? Yes, English is a daft language, if you haven't noticed in your 31 years." -Jacob, now 8 (obviously)
"Tiger Woods is a terrible person."
"Seven?! Seven at the morning?!"
"No, they have pretty good blood pressure, so they want to keep it."
"Bill Gates invented the iPad. He is one of the richest guys in the world. Yeah, it's him and this other guy switching places for the richest. Do you think he gets paid $1,000 sometimes? For his really good decisions?"
"I can't really remember. My mind isn't really letting me know. " -Maria, 4
"Repertoire." -Maria, still just 4
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
"HEY! This makes my hipcock look normal."
this round of quotes is fairly inappropriate. i cleaned up what i could, left some out...but some are just to flippin' funny to keep from the fans. it should be said that i've been wicked busy, moved since i last typed, and there is mucho seriouso going on in the brain, the conversations, and many of my peoples have rough lives right now....so the laughter has been fueled by the actual insanity of lives, mine and others....and very therapeutic. if you're easily offended by junior high humor, please skip to the kid quote blog.
"Or a Dance Dance Revolution pad, yes." -LT on bike storage/the reading nook/the scaring spot
"I don't care if there are midgets jumping over rainbows on them, I'm not wearing shorts." -Edubs on Elitches
"You do Kevin all the time?" -Jill on impressions
"That's because he's so easy." -Erin
(ridiculous amounts of laughter)
"This better go in the quote book."-Erin
(again with the laughing....throughout)
"I want to see Jill do me." -Erin
"I do you all the time."-Jill
"Excellent." -Erin
"Geothermal Farrell. It's funny what they think is funny." -JRe on Greensburg
"Turbation. Could you please ask Erin to define that and get back to me?" -Jess
"It was in my little hidey hole." -Jessica on spare keys
"Um....you just said 'vagina' and 'penis chuck'..." -JRe on the line
"Pee chute?" -Spud mishearing
"What is going on with all of these 'hidey holes'?" -Erin misses the joke (or rather, makes it.)
"Of course he's going to Lillith Fair. He's gonna have a picnic blanket and read the latest Anita Shreve book." -Erin on masculinity
"I've done it in a line a lot." -Jill on the laughing game
"I liked doin' the three." -Anna on Consequences
"What's happening? What's that snapping noise?" -Jill on water bottles
"Your brain? Synapses misfiring?" -Whit
"I can't believe you found another TOM!" -Erin on Kevin
"Yeah. That does not sound like a bunch of noise to me." -Kevin on Larimer Lounge
"Sometimes when I'm having a bad day, I go to Wal-Mart so I can feel pretty." -steph on the meatstick
"But, it's like, why are you bringing God into this?!" -Jess on Galatians 2:17
"So three things: no idols, don't eat bloody meat, and keep your sexy time clean." -Jill on Acts 21
"If they were one person, they'd be, like, my best friend. Of all time." -AndrewX on marrieds
"How dare you call out a hipster and then pull an iPhone out of your pocket? How's that application workin' for ya?" -AndrewN on Ben
"Or a Dance Dance Revolution pad, yes." -LT on bike storage/the reading nook/the scaring spot
"I don't care if there are midgets jumping over rainbows on them, I'm not wearing shorts." -Edubs on Elitches
"You do Kevin all the time?" -Jill on impressions
"That's because he's so easy." -Erin
(ridiculous amounts of laughter)
"This better go in the quote book."-Erin
(again with the laughing....throughout)
"I want to see Jill do me." -Erin
"I do you all the time."-Jill
"Excellent." -Erin
"Geothermal Farrell. It's funny what they think is funny." -JRe on Greensburg
"Turbation. Could you please ask Erin to define that and get back to me?" -Jess
"It was in my little hidey hole." -Jessica on spare keys
"Um....you just said 'vagina' and 'penis chuck'..." -JRe on the line
"Pee chute?" -Spud mishearing
"What is going on with all of these 'hidey holes'?" -Erin misses the joke (or rather, makes it.)
"Of course he's going to Lillith Fair. He's gonna have a picnic blanket and read the latest Anita Shreve book." -Erin on masculinity
"I've done it in a line a lot." -Jill on the laughing game
"I liked doin' the three." -Anna on Consequences
"What's happening? What's that snapping noise?" -Jill on water bottles
"Your brain? Synapses misfiring?" -Whit
"I can't believe you found another TOM!" -Erin on Kevin
"Yeah. That does not sound like a bunch of noise to me." -Kevin on Larimer Lounge
"Sometimes when I'm having a bad day, I go to Wal-Mart so I can feel pretty." -steph on the meatstick
"But, it's like, why are you bringing God into this?!" -Jess on Galatians 2:17
"So three things: no idols, don't eat bloody meat, and keep your sexy time clean." -Jill on Acts 21
"If they were one person, they'd be, like, my best friend. Of all time." -AndrewX on marrieds
"How dare you call out a hipster and then pull an iPhone out of your pocket? How's that application workin' for ya?" -AndrewN on Ben
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