"Why do gay people need their own newspaper?"

(after the insanity of the boys visit, my brother returned to denver just 2 weeks later. with my mom. we had a blast doing all kinds of touristy things. and generally laughing at random nonsense. that's where the first few quotes come from...)

"Are you going to get drunk and then ride roller coasters?"
"No. I'm going to ride roller coasters and THEN get drunk."

"I'm old and I don't have a job." -doug on the ladies

"This is upside down? THIS IS UPSIDE DOWN!!" -doug on mocking jill

"It come right up to us."
"Came."
"It come right up. I could have petted it."
"Pet it."
"PETTED IT."

"It is inbred in me."
"Ingrained."
"INBRED."

"I'm going loosey goosey, so I'm having more fun." -jill
"This tickles my tummy!" -mom

"Do you hear that thunder?" -mom
"That's the Tilt-a-Whirl." -jill

"This thing is held together with bubble gum! You can't live forever..." -doug's new best friend

"Are you making fun of me?" -mom

"I was just putting on a 2.5 multiplier." -doug on height

"This is horrible! I am not having fun!" -mom

(end of family visit...we will now be moving on to Trailer Trash Thin Man style, LT's bachelorette party and wedding, and life as "normal" for me.....you've been warned.)

"It just degenerates really quickly when there's words involved." -micah on games

"I have some tequilla because I've been hanging out with Mexicans." -nico

"I just tattooed half the MILFs on the Western Slope!" -brian

"Honey! Come watch me get a tattoo from this gay boy!" -random AARP tour busser

"I don't think I can handle any happiness right now." -kendra on chinese food

"I AM LEGEND is coming true." -darren on NYC
"Will Smith always brings the dope stuff." -marcus

"Apparently you've never been to a Diana Ross concert. You always have a back-up outfit." -marcus

"It's like IBS. But of the soul." -nils

"You look like a girl who can move some shit." -eric

"You see, my biggest goal is to eat a hot dog later in the evening." -LT on dinner

"The army surplus store in Pekin is real good if you like guns." -phil

"It might be my armpit swagger." -kevin

"It's her birthday. There are more cupcakes." -mat

"I love that you went balls first." -micah

"It softens up pretty quickly, but then it goes hard." -tarynn

"I wish I could carry a purse and not look gay." -tyler

"Were you just telling an enema story and I missed the whole thing???" -tarynn

"It's probably licensed." -jill on hot dog carts

"I didn't know he would be getting naked. But that's my fault." -kevin on charlie

"Weed and leather. That's my billboard." -marcus

"So I let him go right on thinking that I slept with his mom." -mat

"I don't like going through life with an agenda. It's like a job fair." -de la

"I'm curious to see your biorhythms." -brian

"Don't pick me up, I'm fine right where I am."

-I have been missing Illinois sumpin' fierce these past few weeks. Not going back this summer is a killer. I'll be back in October, but it's so not the same. My connection with geography and landscape is

-Super redeeming conversations with kids recently. Doesn't necessarily convince me that I'm in the right place for now, but it does give me a little boost to know I'm making a difference for the little ones.

-While driving the other day, I heard a song by a band that I'm friends with...it took me back to the place in time when they were just getting some notoriety around Denver. I remember going to their shows and being wicked excited for what was to come for them. In general, there was a hopeful feeling for my life then. Recently I've experienced a lack of hope. Kind of an all-encompassing one. Yikes. Newness is not something that's been near to me in a quite a bit. Hrrmm...

-However, my friend GBinder and I just started a new project that may change that. It's mostly top secret, but we're both anticipating big things on the horizon by the end of the year. Baby action steps for now.

-Since I started my big girl job, lazy mornings, bike rides and coffeeshops have been replaced with early bedtimes, naps and movies. Le sigh. However, I am taking advantage of this afternoon at Crema. Love the large versions of my little chair here. And the Herkimmer is pretty killer, too.

-The increase in movie-watching is thanks to Kevin. However, our living arrangement agrees with me. The other night I made dinner and then he treated to ice cream....followed by some foos. Normal night. Solid night.

"And then I puked barf and puke."

"Whoa. That's a long time for livin'."

"This is Justin Beiber."
"No, this is Katy Perry."
"Well, it has a Justin Beiber voice."
"And it says 'Baby'."
"That means he has a wife."

"No! I was onpatient!"

"One time I did something that was danger. I went skydiving off a building. And I landed on my feet, of course."

"I think I smell my mom coming. Actually, that's my dad I think I smell. That's my dad you smell."

"HEY Miss J! Is that how you spell your stinkin' name?!"

"You just took a huge dump on my day."

"She really is that adorable."

"You look very pretty today."
"I know."

"Is that your real voice??"

"You want to talk about failure?" (proceeds to sing Dolly Parton's Jolene)

"My middle name is usually called 'Cinderella'."

"I'm pretty good with nature."

"You know me-I'm a big peanut fan, so I'll have a hamburger before I leave."

"I love the smell of memory."

"Well, it sounds like 'urine,' so add the 'b'."

"It's not classic because it's 'a classic,' it's classic because it's classic."

My brother Doug and cousin Ryan are here from Illinois. Counting me and our Denver cousin Ian, there has been a week of 4 Bradfords together creating quoteblog magic. Not for the fainthearted or anyone with any tender sensibilities.

We played many hours of Catchphrase, hung out at St. Mark's and the Thin Man, went to a Rockies' game and the REI on the Platte River....that's the backdrop for the first set of gems.


"What I am doing now...is hard." -doug

"She knows all the black characters." -ian

"I don't know that much about Neptune, but I know it has 'tune' at the end of it. And Mars doesn't." -ian

"Play wood?" -ryan

"I don't have proper..." -doug
"FOOTWEAR!" -ryan

"What happens when Mars attacks and you don't have the internet?" -doug

"That's what I meant." -jill
"That's what you said." -doug
"And that's what I meant." -jill

"So even the black kids in Denver are hipsters." -doug

"There's a car coming. You probably can't hear it." -ian

"She is gonna be rocked." -doug

"They're stretch fabric." -ian on his shorts
"They're shop rags." -ryan

"Chics are of the essence."
"Look at the puppy in the truck!"

"There is a girl in the car. And she is your sister." -jill

"You might be the only person smoking a cigarette outside REI." -ian

"And that was before it was 90% dark." -doug

"Hey Doug, you got that foosball table together yet?" -ian

"I'm not a squirrel. Or a rabbit." -ryan

"I'm really sorry, guys. That should've been easy. But you are idiots." -ian

"How does it get dangerous? I will bang my sh&t to the right." -doug

"This is where Ryan Bradford needs to learn." -doug

"Denver gooder." -ryan

"There is mastering a skill and knowing when to use it." -doug



Sunday night we went up and camped outside of Glenwood Springs. There was a fire ban, so we wore our headlamps and entertained ourselves by playing dice games.
The boys insisted that we throw some thug poses. That's Ian in the middle and Doug on the right. We're pretty legit.


"Most people, when they're betting with rocks that they find in a driveway..."-ryan

"I'm not doing the Doug dance for nothing." -doug

"I can't wait to be there when you tell them how many rocks you won." -ryan

"IN COLORADO!" -ryan


We met our cousin Kelly, her boyfriend Jason (some of my earliest Denver posse) and their friends from California at the trailhead for Hanging Lake. It's a mile hike, virtually straight up, to this magnificent lake.


"Four Bradfords. Six idiots."



The view on the way up...

"Quicker to a cigarette! Quicker to a cigarette!" -ryan and doug
"There's no crying in hiking." -doug
"See you guys in 150 feet!" -ian
"Are you a hippie now?" -jason













Jill, Doug & Ryan under Spouting Rock



On the drive back to Denver, we decided to have our picnic lunch at Vail Pass. The sweet view and refreshing breeze prompted us to do some yoga. Well, Ian and I actually did yoga. Doug and Ryan just mocked us. It was pretty standard.


"So apparently living in the suburbs means you have grass in your yard."



"Don't drink beer when you're older."
"I always make statistics up. Period."





"Wait-who's Mike Bradford?"
"You and your dumb deaf ear!"


After the past few weeks I've had, with major trust issues shaking out and basically not feeling comfortable anywhere, it was super fantastic to have these boys here and just spend a week existing. That's good stuff right there.

"Trying to make sense of it is like trying to gather the river in your arms."

the absence of blogs (quote, book or otherwise) has many contributing factors. i've not really pondered whether or not to share with the internets what's been happening. the last few days it's become apparent that an outpouring is nearing inevitability. wait for it. and thanks for loving me.

"I'm on a chair! I'm on a chair! But I can't dance." -christie

"They're Scottish. Or maybe British. Well, they're not from Colorado."

"I have a super developed sense of stating the obvious." -john

"He ruined my chances of getting an account at Blockbuster." -nils

"That's what I get for being a nice Christian gay." -marcus

"Meadowlark gets his own day? I've known you for 8 years! I don't have my own day." -edubs

"Aside from your vocabulary, I'm not really sure what you have going for you." -stu

"Are there pants? Or are there short shorts?" -john

"Now I'm telling my two Thin Man friends. Well, Jill's my all-the-time friend." -LT

"When you go out with clean intentions, that's when fish jump in your boat." -john

"You know what I like: bacon and beer." -jill

"It's like wet Denver is floating by." -logan

"Either way, she put it in a box." -dicker

"That was a giant horse's penis squirting." -laura

"$2.50 PBR?! That sh^t better come in a can!" -micah

"This is Care Bear Halloween! This is CARE BEAR HALLOWEEN!!" -jill

"Old people should go home and leave me alone." -steve

"It looks like he's in the middle of a 'no rules' week." -JRe

"Just 'cuz Jesus and I don't see eye to eye doesn't mean we don't both have eyes." -john

"I'll be sausage slappin' down the street to save your a$$." -james

"That dude plus sports equals zero." -edubs

"It puts the lotion on its' back or else it gets my hose again." -jason

"Blacks are like redheads: there's no in between." -rod

"I like a little beer poop mix." -will

"I'm not even going to give you the "For instance," because it's bad." -dolo

"Don't let the leather fool you, he is a child." -dicker

"Maybe it's a competition to see who can read harder." -adrian

"All I got was blue balls. And it tasted good." -andrew

"No, I have a picture with him on facebook, I just don't remember his name." -kevin

"She tried to be incognito. But she was totally suspicious. She was incogspicious." -bj

"This is not awkward on three different levels." -zac

on my recent drive through kansas, i got to listen to some sweet jams. courtesy of some cds i made circa 2006-2008....i make some pretty sick mixes. here are a few for your listening pleasure.

i like the album version better, but i dig that he's playing with his hood up.






oh, keb mo. you my boy. (i do despise jay leno, but it was the only decent video.)




rufus. a roadtrip staple. hard to pick just one, but this one makes it for the bea arthur reference.






this is a recent favorite. i heard it as i was walking down the street last night.

"Like a one-a-day vitamin regimen."

"I'm all Banked out." -Dolo

"Whatever. There are Carl's out there who need to be claimed!" -genny binder

"It's like a hobo playground out here. Babar's hobo jungle." -john wynne

"Watch out jeans!"

"Steroids will do you no good, dude. And they'll shrink your balls, too." -troy

"Anytime I go to a place that has a steak buffett...." -dicker

"And then I went to second base. And didn't run." -erin

"It smells better than hot pee." -jason

"Whoa. Whoa. I'm a faggot. I need to go. Away from you." -brian

"It's not because she's gay. It's because she's gross." -jaci

"He seems like a one trick pony. But I like his trick." -john wynne

"If I were a piece of cornbread, where would I hide?" -david

"I hate that he's here. And that you know him." -loren

"I walk around real quiet at night. Pleasure or pain. Where is it?" -drew

"You just dorked it." -batzer

"Black women drew the blueprints. White women are scared." -patty

"I have a scar on my soul. From cheese." -al

"Hey-can you guys drive an automatic?" -ryan

"Is there bacon stock in the soup? Because I like that." -hones

"Ok. But not two handfuls." -shannon

"If I was gay, I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating twinkies. Or crackers." -david