"You came back! You said you would come back, so I knew you would come back!"

“When you blow your nose, it gets the boogers away.” -Leon, 4, on allergies

“Don’t look up my skirt. That’s private.” -Claire, 5 on stairs

“I know it’s private.” -Rylan, 5

“I have a hugenormous big big big owie.” -Logan, 4, on knees

“I knew your name when I was a baby. Before I came to school I missed you.
I miss you when I’m at home.” -Caleb, 4

“A hippo sitting on a chair?! Seriously?” -Shannley, 4, on storybooks

“Your bread is more good than ours.” -Truman, 3, on HyVee

Me: What’s your dad’s name?

Leon: I don’t know. He’s gonna have to tell me.”

“You should hold Ms. Brown’s hand so you don’t slip and fall.” -Leon, 4,
on snowblowing

“Uhm, Ms. Bradford, it’s HOME Depot.” -Truman, 3, on Discovery Depot

“I am tired at this weather.” -Leon, 4, on 2019

“Don’t worry, Ms. Bradford, I have my listening ears on loud. Very high.”
-Logan, 4, on lies

“You are funny. You say crazy things.” -Leon, 4, on Ms. Bradford

“We don’t have time for this!!” -Will, 3, on fire drills and nonsense

“Him is not a talker.” -Rylan, 5, on Paxton

“I’m touching you with my CARDINAL hand!” -Hudson, 5, on redbirds

“In my head, I’m like...what kinda party?” -Tinley, 5, on raising hands

“An 80’s song. That means ‘I love you’ in Japanese.” -Caleb, 4, on his brain

“It wasn’t before Christmas. Christmas was yesterday.” -Baylee, 4,
on Easter and time

“You are weird. It’s what makes you fun.” -June, 4, on Ms. Bradford

“This floor is so clean, I can’t even imagine the vacuum!” -Shannley, 4

“You probably shouldn’t tell the kids that.” -Shannley, 4, on floor cleanliness

“Mr. Jim always has the treasure!” -Hudson, 5, on Fruit Loops

“Are you a scientist?” -Rylan, 5, on slime production

“Ms. Bradford, this is not my favorite.” -Sawyer, 3, on beets

“My heart says I want to marry my food.” -June, 4, on lunch

“When is it gonna be up time?” -Shannley, 4, on quiet

“HEY! **SNAPS** I’m talking to you!!” -Leon, 4, on Paxton

“You don’t got pokers.” -Donovan, 3, on earrings

“Chicken Little is weird.” -Claire, 5, on stories

“I love it when you sing. Especially about frogs.” -Caleb, 4, on speckles

“I’m a genie in a bottle, gotta ask me the right way.” -Claire, 5, on lyrics

“Tornadoes can eat people! This is freakin’ me out!” -Logan, 4, on weather

“I do not want to stay here 3 months. I do not want to stay here 3 days.”
-Logan, 4, on the end of the year

“He’s a CARNIVORE. He doesn’t eat cardboard.” -Kierre, 5, on dinosaurs

"YOU DON'T SAY ME THAT!"

"Never did. Never can." -Brady, 5, on bandaids

"I don't feel so good. I think I got the germs."-Hudson, 4

"YOU HAVE TO STOP DOING THAT!" -Konrad, 3, on crying

"You already know all of this!" -Paxton, 4, on adults asking questions

"I do not love this." -Rylan, 4, on everything she hates

"I need a little help here." -Sawyer, 3, on shoes

(reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle)
me: *points to a giant dirt pile* "What's he standing on?"
Hudson: "GRAVITY!"

me: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
kid: "I don't know"
me: "What does your dad do at work?"
kid: "My dad smokes cigarettes."

"Holy Toledo!" -Caleb, 3, on chaos
"Oh my heavens!" -Caleb, 3, on continuing chaos

"I built the block tower so high she finally talked to me!" -Carter, 5, on Evelynn (and 3 weeks of silence)

Will, 3: "This kid has an attitude! And this kid has an attitude!"
Kamden, 3: "HEY! We're just trying to play here!"

"Human eye juice." -also known as tears

"You better watch out, or I'll go Thriller on you!" -a threat? or an invitation to dance?

"Ms. Bradford, Minnie died. She got ran over by a car and we buried her. She is SO dead." -Avery, 3, on cats

"Hey, baby, do you wanna kiss me?" -Bentley, 3, making moves

"That is TERRIFYING!" -Hudson, 4, on naptime

"Jesus Christ! I keep forgetting to tell my teacher I wanna learn the alphabet!" -Shannley, 4, on goals

"I keep forgot-ing." -Avery, 3, on hand washing

"That does not taste good for me." -Bently, 4, on cauliflower

"Eww! That smells like when Aunt ShelBell sprays hair!" -Caleb, 3, on air freshener

"What's your favorite song? Mine is DROPKICK MUH JESUS!" -Hudson, 3, on the truth

"It smells like farts in here." -Hudson, 5, on brussells sprouts

"It's funny when you use the little sink." -Shannley, 4, on kid vs. adult sizes

"He kissed me on the cheek two times. That is so gross!" -Tinley, 4, on brothers

""Bee-ee-8-9 is how you spell my name." -Bentley, 4, getting closer

"BACK UP! You put maple syrup on your oatmeal? I put water on mine." -Carter, 5, on breakfast

"You were my favorite part of Pharmfest!" -Caleb, 3, on teachers in the wild

"P is for vegetable stack!" -Leon, 4, on pizza

"When I grow up, I'm gonna own an Olive Garden."

"My favorite part was all the parts." -Brady, 5, on field trips

"It's like I work here!" -Gavin, 5, on paper towels

"OK GOOGLE knows everything I say." -JJ, 5

"I don't know how to get my voice out." -Rylan, 4, on asking questions

"I picked him because he's cute." -JJ, 5, on Gavin

"I am not going to marriage you!" -Gavin, 5, on being picked

"A CUBS GAME??? Gross." -Hudson, 4, on teams

"Maybe he ate too much sugar." -Hannah, 4, on the flu

"My dad will come to your party. 'Cuz I bet it's a beer party." -Maya, 4, on roller skating

"I have so many boogers in my lungs." -Gavin, 5, on allergies and coughing

"Can you call my mom? I've had a bit of a day." -Adrix, 4, on Tuesdays

"If my brother was here, he would ruin it. Because he hates rainbows, unicorns, and anything I love. HE WOULD DESTROY IT." -Maya, 4, on Chris

Mackenzie: "Where is Mr. Bradford?"
Me: "There is no Mr. Bradford."
Mackenzie: "Oh, that's why you don't have babies."

"I have a belly button and it makes me itchy." -June, 4, on princesses

"I am a face monster!!" -Rylan, 4, on cupcake frosting

"You are wearing a dress. And big earrings. And I don't even know what is going on with your lips!" -JJ, 5, on graduation

"Bananas have no armpits." -Brady, 5, on going bananas

"That's a mighty robust bagel!"

kid quote blog returns. the preschool edition.

"Ms. Bradford, we have a problem. The problem is it's cold outside." -Hudson, 4

"QUEEN BUG!!" -Lincoln, 4, on queen bees

"I'm so excited for February. Because February 4 is SNACK DAY." -Dylan, 5, on the SuperBowl

me: Do giraffes hibernate or migrate?
*blank stares*
me: Where do giraffes go in the winter?
"Uh, Ms. Bradford? Giraffes stay at the zoo." -Gavin, 4

me: What's your favorite candy?
"CAKE!" -Keegan, 3

"He makes money at work. That's all he does." -Maya, 4, on her dad's job

"I hate that. I hate that so much. I never want to do that." -Maya, 4, on glue

"Chickens poop eggs out." -Paxton, 4

"It smells like breath." -Gavin, 4, on peppermint tea

"It feels like I'm marrying someone!!" -Gavin, 4, on peppermint

"I found poo-poo on the floor." -Layken, 5, on problems

"You better watch out of me. I'm gonna sneeze." -Layken, 5

"Ms. Henness....Miss, uh, ....Glasses! ....Uh....Ms. Bradford!" -Layken, 5, on remembering names

"Ms. BadBird." -Maddax, 5, on me

"The whole world is really wild." -Tinley, 4

me: Who can tell me a word that starts with 'V'?
"VERB!" -Adrix, 3, on brilliance

Layken: No. We are not friends. You are not being nice to me.
Me: Welp, this is the schedule. Right now is quiet time.
Layken: I do not like that.

"Ms. Bradford, I believe that most people are good." -Lincoln, 4, on breaking my heart

"Hims do that." -Paxton, 3, on pronouns

"Listen! It's a ding-ding gate!" -Lincoln, 4, on trains

"Ms. Bradford, your hair is pretty good." -JJ, 5, on braids

me: *sprays peppermint oil*
Layken: "Oh, man!!! That smells good!"
*puts face in armpit*
**eyes water**
Layken" "I do not want to smell that anymore! IT SMELLS AWFUL GOOD."

"This is a challenge." -Adrix, 4, on scissors

"Sometimes I'm strong with English. Sometimes I'm strong with Spanish. Mostly I'm strong with words."

"I bet when you were little it was like 'Arthur' and stuff." -Justin,4th, on being old

"CARLOS!" -3rd grader on my name

"Miss Billford!" -Fernando, 2nd, on the same

"You cannot trust girls." -4th grader

"It smells like all kinds of coffee in here." -Alondra, 5th, on Wednesday at 1pm

"It's because he gots 9 and I gots 7." -Julian, 2nd, on older siblings

"No. I'm not guud. It's good." -Nathan, 2nd

"Can I keep this forever?" -Mark, 2nd, on books

"Do you speak English or Spanish?" -me
"No. I just talk." -Izaiah, 1st

"I need books on alicorns. It's a pegasus with a horn on it's head." -Elizabeth, K, schooling me

"You just said 'dude' to me?!" -Jose, K, on my informality...bro

"Can I ask you a question? Where were you last year and do you hate always having kids in your library and why do you have so many shoes under your desk?" -Jimena, 2nd, on all of the things

"Miss! Teacher! Teacher! Miss-essss LIBRARY!"

After a year off spent acting, I have returned to the glamorous life of public school education.This time around as an elementary school librarian. My school has 650+ students, 90% of whom speak Spanish. This has lead to some very entertaining verb conjugations on my part. Until I return to conversational classes, my broken Spanish has me saying things like, "Manana muy bien." when I'm actually attempting to communicate that said student will do better tomorrow.

Students came to the library for the first time last week. Alas, there aren't many kid quotes yet, but I assure you they will be flowing freely quite soon. Because, as our beloved celebrity rapist in colorful sweaters reminded us, kids really do say the darndest things.


"No! George Jefferson." -4th grader on the 1st US President

"Paul Walker is one of the greatest American actors." -4th grader on the obvious

"The 'C'." -3rd grader on the capital of Colorado

"I don't even know, man. I drank a glass of milk and passed out on the couch." -5th grader on the score of the previous nights' Broncos game

"Let's go out there, cause some trouble, and fall in love."

Random list o' buckets:

• conversational Spanish
• glow bocce league
• make curtains for sunporch
• organize sunporch
• do fashion show closet purge redeux with the ladies
• host a clothing swap
• reclaim my yoga practice
• write philosophy of education paper
• start improv philosophy before September 20th classes 
• ESL class
• master sewing pockets on dresses
• eventually crafting a wide banded pencil skirt with said pockets  
• resume my church-of-one movie-going experiences
• do a superlative roadtrip covering new ground...utah? montana? idaho? hrmmmm.
• practice my tap dancing
• resume regularly donating blood
• learn to fix and maintain my Royal typewriter 

"We have a business plan. We're just looking for investors."

"I have already thought less of you. You do realize everyone else is doing it." -Brian
"That wasn't the most note worthy boob thing on walls."
"Everything around your balls is all wrinkled."
"It's ok...he's building me a bike."-Erin
"I'll have to wear a berka. Because I'm half female". -Nils
"I am the straightest biggest homo you've ever met." -Todd
"We're like a burnt catch of chicken."
"I'd be up for some pre-planning planning." -Jessica
"Take my hand...I'll take you to hot DOG paradise." -Jonathan
"I am so polish, too."
"The second best dancer was the black guy with the limp."
"It's not my bus."
"Outsource your laptop." -Umesh
"I'm never having the vagina talk with you guys."
"Pimpin ain't easy. It ain't."
"There's a lot of grown-ass people here playing video games." -Kris
"We're tens, man. And there is nothing wrong with being a ten. I apologize for saying we might be nines." -Danielle on feminism

It's a coyote dog!

My grandfather told me about hippies. They wear a lot of different things and carry a tambourine. -Jeremiah, 10

Children should not be kept as pets. -Madison, 8

You called me a dude, so you're a man.

I luuv peacocks. -Lilia, 5

I. Am. Hydrate.

 

There is a kid named Jesus here? -on "Hey-Zeus"

Me...my man...me my man. -Dylan, 11

I'm this age. But i'm starting kindergarten, so I might be one more. -Eli, 5

 

Is there a get out of the way light? -regarding construction trucks back-up lights and beeps

 

Hair gel is slippery, but not flammable.

 

This is your work...are you kidding me? -Lauren, 5 on field trips being my occupation

I can't sit right now. My toenails hurt very badly. -Vincent, 7

 

Yesterday was bad-I broke my mouth.

Should we call social services bc his parents smoke? -Dylan, 11

 

I'm getting pretty good at my ninja moves, so can we do some ninja moves soon? -Anja, 5

 

He's not so much in manners yet. -Kira, 7

I'm gonna play on the realzies.

I have something in my eye-I think it's acid. -Vincent, 7

Except bacon is more crunchier and yummier. -Ian, 10

I brushed it. For twenty minutes straight. And I brush my teeth for thirty minutes...uh-ZOMBIE! -Freedom, 7

I would think you're western...and country... and Amish. -Madison, on my accent

We can't just leave a coupon laying around. -Freedom, 7

I think it's called a round Christmas tree. -random 1st grader on wreaths

Survival of the (not) Fittest -or- How 7-11 is slowly taking over the world

(this post is originally from April...blogger has changed, and it automatically updates. i'm annoyed that my posts will no longer carry the original dates. grr.)

colorado's fine weather has officially kicked in, so i'm riding my bike a ton again. welp, and my car died. in the eisenhower tunnel. that's a story for another day. essentially, i'm biking to the bus and back every day for work. have been for a little over a month. it's pretty rad...i'm on my bike for about 40 minutes a day, and on the bus for roughly the same. AND I GET TO PEOPLE WATCH AND EAVESDROP on the bus. sometimes a hassle, but mostly it's rad.

-not only can you not RIDE your bike on the 16th Street Mall, you also can't even take your bike on the shuttle bus. that's wack. especially considering that the bus advertises alternative transportation and how savvy it is to save gas. not to mention that there ARE NO BIKE LINES ON 15th or 17th. seriously wack. riddle me this: one day, whilst riding between Welton and Lawrence, the shuttle bus was driving ALONGSIDE me. what the what?

-in my opinion, the suburbs are worse. no bike lanes, no shoulders. way to go, colorado. there's this willow tree that i ride by, and since there is no lane and no shoulder, i smack myself in the face with it's low-hanging branches about 33% of the time. (i think i'm done complaining now.)

-i lied. more complaining. in the 'burbs, there are some pretty excellent bike paths. like little roads for bikes. except they're also for horses. which means poop in the way. gross.

-by the end of the year, i will ride the entire 12ish miles of hills to school and back. keeping in mind that suburban hills are very different from city hills, i'm taking it one way at a time. i found a sign on the arvada side that reads Platte River: 7 Miles, so i've got a solid frame of reference for what the ride entails. maybe the last week i'll do the entire commute. (i'm also doing a 5k at the end of april. hrmmm.)

"when i can't remember what grace is...."

.:in the loneliest places:.
tell me, once again, who i am.

wow.
geez.a.lou.

don't get me started on cheezeball contemporary christian music. if you have before, you know how cynical and haughty i can be. horrible. both the music and my attitude...but mostly the music.

then
every now and again
even the coldest of hearts
has a moment
where she turns to that station
and
hears
a beautifully simple song
that answers the only prayer
she's earnestly been making over the last year.

doesn't make the song a great work of art.
or the video any better.
but it makes a difference.
still processing that.

"We all have our own go-to people, but you girls are my forever go-to people."

Quoteblog...Queen Bee style. I've known these ladies starting at the age of 5, which has now been THIRTY YEARS for some of us. Wowza. We spent a long weekend of CELEBRATION in Florida recently.




"The get up and go got up and went." -sadee

"We've got security." -lou

"Why does Charlotte Russe have an outlet store?" -jill


"If people see me pick my nose, I don't really care."

"Are you gonna put this on your blog? I don't want to have to censor myself." -sadee

"I really like this...well, until I saw these f*ckers." -sloan on birds

"Are you doing inappropriate things with my pen?" -lou

"Self-diagnosed. High anxiety. Tightly wound." -medhurst

"Oh, we're not in Colorado. I have a hard time remembering that you live in Florida." -maggie

"I thought you would appreciate that. You especially." -keri

"...the lesbian and her lesbian friend. COME ON, YOU CARPET MUNCHERS!!" -maggie

"I really don't like bees. But I really like bees!" -allison

"That's exactly what it says at the Gap. 'This b already bought something online.'"

"Sara, you should skip the ruffage." -svr

"Mary told me she would buy my Coach purse." -maggie

"He's very generous in his own kind of ways. But those are not his ways." -sadee

"I...am about....to stick my face...in that big bowl of cho-co-late mousse." -jill

"I frickin' love enchiladas." -fritzel


"I had my moment where I invited Jesus into my heart. But it was a lie." -mg

"I would work here just to hear "Sleigh Ride" every day." -sara on disney



"All the other girls are gonna be sooo jealous!" -allie on fairy dust

"It's not your fault, I just look chubby." -jill

"It may be cutting off the electricity of my body." -svr

"I would like to do a water aerobics class. Like with senior citizens." -sadee on exercise

"Now, if I'm a white girl from Illinois, is it still just a "little" spicy?" -jill

"Jill has two beers and is....ready to screw the bartender." -maggie on tolerance

"You want some drizzle dizzle?" -lou

"I can't even speak grammar." -maggie

"I'm a little tipsy. I don't know if I've ever been totally drunk around you guys."

"Jill's like the paparazzi." -maggie

"Keri, do you want to go next? While you can still form a sentence?" -jill on highs and lows

"You ever had your business done?" -jill
"Not professionally." -lou

"Never roam alone!" -luke on bernard

"Oh, I was on the tit."

"Oh, shit! That's great!" -luke on pictures

"....and Sloan is the same height as the Medhurst girls." -sadee on the same pictures

"Do you think Bernard is playing with his penus in here?"

"They don't make a condom for your heart, Jill."

"Did you guys know that in high school I was really popular for doing the running man??" -keri

"I like to touch my flower." -smf

"Sloan, do you have a pen?"
"I thought you stole a pen."

"If we were in the DAR, you'd be our historian." -sadee

"Hair down. No boobs." -allie on first impressions

"I enjoyed the side trip to the ghetto." -lou

"Lou, we should sit together more often. We're funny." -jill

"She is NOT okay."

"All of the shirts in my closet are short sleeved. And I live in Illinois." -sloan

"No, thanks. We don't drink and drive." -sadee on coupons

"Oh, are you gonna put it in your purse and recycle it?" -maggie on pizza crust

"Now why did we stop when I just said I was gonna do what I was gonna do?" -sloan



"Her name is Helen because Sloan likes to mute her." -maggie on the garmin

"There I am, itching my hoo-ha. Don't worry; I'm not up in there."



"You are ruining their 'Happiest Place on Earth' moment." -lou

"...And now she's Elmo." -sadee

"Doesn't this just make you happy, Jill?"
"Now there's an adult up there...OK, he's mentally handicapped."
"No chocolate! GO DANCE UP THERE!!" -all sadee on downtown disney

"Those sorority girls like that crap." -sadee on paint your own pottery
"And Jill." -maggie

"Are you saying my neck is fat?"

"Yeah-I have a godmother. She's 78." -maggie
"You can be in a movie at 15, why can't you be a godmother?" -sara
"Do you have pictures yet?" -lou on the plimptons
"So George Plimpton is married to the young model?!" -sara
(all of the above plus 18 other quotes happened while all 8 of us were in the car. There was only ONE actual topic of conversation.)

"You're fine. Move on. Build a bridge." -maggie

"I should drink more." -medhurst

"And I do watch a little too much Nancy Grace. I own that." -sadee on conservative views

"Why do gay people need their own newspaper?"

(after the insanity of the boys visit, my brother returned to denver just 2 weeks later. with my mom. we had a blast doing all kinds of touristy things. and generally laughing at random nonsense. that's where the first few quotes come from...)

"Are you going to get drunk and then ride roller coasters?"
"No. I'm going to ride roller coasters and THEN get drunk."

"I'm old and I don't have a job." -doug on the ladies

"This is upside down? THIS IS UPSIDE DOWN!!" -doug on mocking jill

"It come right up to us."
"Came."
"It come right up. I could have petted it."
"Pet it."
"PETTED IT."

"It is inbred in me."
"Ingrained."
"INBRED."

"I'm going loosey goosey, so I'm having more fun." -jill
"This tickles my tummy!" -mom

"Do you hear that thunder?" -mom
"That's the Tilt-a-Whirl." -jill

"This thing is held together with bubble gum! You can't live forever..." -doug's new best friend

"Are you making fun of me?" -mom

"I was just putting on a 2.5 multiplier." -doug on height

"This is horrible! I am not having fun!" -mom

(end of family visit...we will now be moving on to Trailer Trash Thin Man style, LT's bachelorette party and wedding, and life as "normal" for me.....you've been warned.)

"It just degenerates really quickly when there's words involved." -micah on games

"I have some tequilla because I've been hanging out with Mexicans." -nico

"I just tattooed half the MILFs on the Western Slope!" -brian

"Honey! Come watch me get a tattoo from this gay boy!" -random AARP tour busser

"I don't think I can handle any happiness right now." -kendra on chinese food

"I AM LEGEND is coming true." -darren on NYC
"Will Smith always brings the dope stuff." -marcus

"Apparently you've never been to a Diana Ross concert. You always have a back-up outfit." -marcus

"It's like IBS. But of the soul." -nils

"You look like a girl who can move some shit." -eric

"You see, my biggest goal is to eat a hot dog later in the evening." -LT on dinner

"The army surplus store in Pekin is real good if you like guns." -phil

"It might be my armpit swagger." -kevin

"It's her birthday. There are more cupcakes." -mat

"I love that you went balls first." -micah

"It softens up pretty quickly, but then it goes hard." -tarynn

"I wish I could carry a purse and not look gay." -tyler

"Were you just telling an enema story and I missed the whole thing???" -tarynn

"It's probably licensed." -jill on hot dog carts

"I didn't know he would be getting naked. But that's my fault." -kevin on charlie

"Weed and leather. That's my billboard." -marcus

"So I let him go right on thinking that I slept with his mom." -mat

"I don't like going through life with an agenda. It's like a job fair." -de la

"I'm curious to see your biorhythms." -brian

"Don't pick me up, I'm fine right where I am."

-I have been missing Illinois sumpin' fierce these past few weeks. Not going back this summer is a killer. I'll be back in October, but it's so not the same. My connection with geography and landscape is

-Super redeeming conversations with kids recently. Doesn't necessarily convince me that I'm in the right place for now, but it does give me a little boost to know I'm making a difference for the little ones.

-While driving the other day, I heard a song by a band that I'm friends with...it took me back to the place in time when they were just getting some notoriety around Denver. I remember going to their shows and being wicked excited for what was to come for them. In general, there was a hopeful feeling for my life then. Recently I've experienced a lack of hope. Kind of an all-encompassing one. Yikes. Newness is not something that's been near to me in a quite a bit. Hrrmm...

-However, my friend GBinder and I just started a new project that may change that. It's mostly top secret, but we're both anticipating big things on the horizon by the end of the year. Baby action steps for now.

-Since I started my big girl job, lazy mornings, bike rides and coffeeshops have been replaced with early bedtimes, naps and movies. Le sigh. However, I am taking advantage of this afternoon at Crema. Love the large versions of my little chair here. And the Herkimmer is pretty killer, too.

-The increase in movie-watching is thanks to Kevin. However, our living arrangement agrees with me. The other night I made dinner and then he treated to ice cream....followed by some foos. Normal night. Solid night.

"And then I puked barf and puke."

"Whoa. That's a long time for livin'."

"This is Justin Beiber."
"No, this is Katy Perry."
"Well, it has a Justin Beiber voice."
"And it says 'Baby'."
"That means he has a wife."

"No! I was onpatient!"

"One time I did something that was danger. I went skydiving off a building. And I landed on my feet, of course."

"I think I smell my mom coming. Actually, that's my dad I think I smell. That's my dad you smell."

"HEY Miss J! Is that how you spell your stinkin' name?!"

"You just took a huge dump on my day."

"She really is that adorable."

"You look very pretty today."
"I know."

"Is that your real voice??"

"You want to talk about failure?" (proceeds to sing Dolly Parton's Jolene)

"My middle name is usually called 'Cinderella'."

"I'm pretty good with nature."

"You know me-I'm a big peanut fan, so I'll have a hamburger before I leave."

"I love the smell of memory."

"Well, it sounds like 'urine,' so add the 'b'."

"It's not classic because it's 'a classic,' it's classic because it's classic."

My brother Doug and cousin Ryan are here from Illinois. Counting me and our Denver cousin Ian, there has been a week of 4 Bradfords together creating quoteblog magic. Not for the fainthearted or anyone with any tender sensibilities.

We played many hours of Catchphrase, hung out at St. Mark's and the Thin Man, went to a Rockies' game and the REI on the Platte River....that's the backdrop for the first set of gems.


"What I am doing now...is hard." -doug

"She knows all the black characters." -ian

"I don't know that much about Neptune, but I know it has 'tune' at the end of it. And Mars doesn't." -ian

"Play wood?" -ryan

"I don't have proper..." -doug
"FOOTWEAR!" -ryan

"What happens when Mars attacks and you don't have the internet?" -doug

"That's what I meant." -jill
"That's what you said." -doug
"And that's what I meant." -jill

"So even the black kids in Denver are hipsters." -doug

"There's a car coming. You probably can't hear it." -ian

"She is gonna be rocked." -doug

"They're stretch fabric." -ian on his shorts
"They're shop rags." -ryan

"Chics are of the essence."
"Look at the puppy in the truck!"

"There is a girl in the car. And she is your sister." -jill

"You might be the only person smoking a cigarette outside REI." -ian

"And that was before it was 90% dark." -doug

"Hey Doug, you got that foosball table together yet?" -ian

"I'm not a squirrel. Or a rabbit." -ryan

"I'm really sorry, guys. That should've been easy. But you are idiots." -ian

"How does it get dangerous? I will bang my sh&t to the right." -doug

"This is where Ryan Bradford needs to learn." -doug

"Denver gooder." -ryan

"There is mastering a skill and knowing when to use it." -doug



Sunday night we went up and camped outside of Glenwood Springs. There was a fire ban, so we wore our headlamps and entertained ourselves by playing dice games.
The boys insisted that we throw some thug poses. That's Ian in the middle and Doug on the right. We're pretty legit.


"Most people, when they're betting with rocks that they find in a driveway..."-ryan

"I'm not doing the Doug dance for nothing." -doug

"I can't wait to be there when you tell them how many rocks you won." -ryan

"IN COLORADO!" -ryan


We met our cousin Kelly, her boyfriend Jason (some of my earliest Denver posse) and their friends from California at the trailhead for Hanging Lake. It's a mile hike, virtually straight up, to this magnificent lake.


"Four Bradfords. Six idiots."



The view on the way up...

"Quicker to a cigarette! Quicker to a cigarette!" -ryan and doug
"There's no crying in hiking." -doug
"See you guys in 150 feet!" -ian
"Are you a hippie now?" -jason













Jill, Doug & Ryan under Spouting Rock



On the drive back to Denver, we decided to have our picnic lunch at Vail Pass. The sweet view and refreshing breeze prompted us to do some yoga. Well, Ian and I actually did yoga. Doug and Ryan just mocked us. It was pretty standard.


"So apparently living in the suburbs means you have grass in your yard."



"Don't drink beer when you're older."
"I always make statistics up. Period."





"Wait-who's Mike Bradford?"
"You and your dumb deaf ear!"


After the past few weeks I've had, with major trust issues shaking out and basically not feeling comfortable anywhere, it was super fantastic to have these boys here and just spend a week existing. That's good stuff right there.

"Trying to make sense of it is like trying to gather the river in your arms."

the absence of blogs (quote, book or otherwise) has many contributing factors. i've not really pondered whether or not to share with the internets what's been happening. the last few days it's become apparent that an outpouring is nearing inevitability. wait for it. and thanks for loving me.

"I'm on a chair! I'm on a chair! But I can't dance." -christie

"They're Scottish. Or maybe British. Well, they're not from Colorado."

"I have a super developed sense of stating the obvious." -john

"He ruined my chances of getting an account at Blockbuster." -nils

"That's what I get for being a nice Christian gay." -marcus

"Meadowlark gets his own day? I've known you for 8 years! I don't have my own day." -edubs

"Aside from your vocabulary, I'm not really sure what you have going for you." -stu

"Are there pants? Or are there short shorts?" -john

"Now I'm telling my two Thin Man friends. Well, Jill's my all-the-time friend." -LT

"When you go out with clean intentions, that's when fish jump in your boat." -john

"You know what I like: bacon and beer." -jill

"It's like wet Denver is floating by." -logan

"Either way, she put it in a box." -dicker

"That was a giant horse's penis squirting." -laura

"$2.50 PBR?! That sh^t better come in a can!" -micah

"This is Care Bear Halloween! This is CARE BEAR HALLOWEEN!!" -jill

"Old people should go home and leave me alone." -steve

"It looks like he's in the middle of a 'no rules' week." -JRe

"Just 'cuz Jesus and I don't see eye to eye doesn't mean we don't both have eyes." -john

"I'll be sausage slappin' down the street to save your a$$." -james

"That dude plus sports equals zero." -edubs

"It puts the lotion on its' back or else it gets my hose again." -jason

"Blacks are like redheads: there's no in between." -rod

"I like a little beer poop mix." -will

"I'm not even going to give you the "For instance," because it's bad." -dolo

"Don't let the leather fool you, he is a child." -dicker

"Maybe it's a competition to see who can read harder." -adrian

"All I got was blue balls. And it tasted good." -andrew

"No, I have a picture with him on facebook, I just don't remember his name." -kevin

"She tried to be incognito. But she was totally suspicious. She was incogspicious." -bj

"This is not awkward on three different levels." -zac

on my recent drive through kansas, i got to listen to some sweet jams. courtesy of some cds i made circa 2006-2008....i make some pretty sick mixes. here are a few for your listening pleasure.

i like the album version better, but i dig that he's playing with his hood up.






oh, keb mo. you my boy. (i do despise jay leno, but it was the only decent video.)




rufus. a roadtrip staple. hard to pick just one, but this one makes it for the bea arthur reference.






this is a recent favorite. i heard it as i was walking down the street last night.

"Like a one-a-day vitamin regimen."

"I'm all Banked out." -Dolo

"Whatever. There are Carl's out there who need to be claimed!" -genny binder

"It's like a hobo playground out here. Babar's hobo jungle." -john wynne

"Watch out jeans!"

"Steroids will do you no good, dude. And they'll shrink your balls, too." -troy

"Anytime I go to a place that has a steak buffett...." -dicker

"And then I went to second base. And didn't run." -erin

"It smells better than hot pee." -jason

"Whoa. Whoa. I'm a faggot. I need to go. Away from you." -brian

"It's not because she's gay. It's because she's gross." -jaci

"He seems like a one trick pony. But I like his trick." -john wynne

"If I were a piece of cornbread, where would I hide?" -david

"I hate that he's here. And that you know him." -loren

"I walk around real quiet at night. Pleasure or pain. Where is it?" -drew

"You just dorked it." -batzer

"Black women drew the blueprints. White women are scared." -patty

"I have a scar on my soul. From cheese." -al

"Hey-can you guys drive an automatic?" -ryan

"Is there bacon stock in the soup? Because I like that." -hones

"Ok. But not two handfuls." -shannon

"If I was gay, I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating twinkies. Or crackers." -david

The Kickball Metaphors (or Thoughts from a Bike)

-music should fit the atmosphere. specifically if you've obviously worked at creating an atmosphere. por ejemplo: r & b, southern rock, and john lee hooker do not equal Gypsy House Cafe. all three were heard there recently. it was super disconcerting.

-i made perhaps the perfect summer scarf last night. i found a funzie fabric with little kids swinging from trees, which i used with a small blue floral print remnant. if you still haven't checked out my stuff, you can support a terrific cause by clicking on my etsy site. (the cause would be Scum of the Earth.)

-"Because you can't decide if you're a vehicle or a pedestrian." that's right, mandykeller, i can't. as i ride my bike everywhere, i oftentimes find myself above the law. well, in my head anyways. i also find myself talking to cars (even more than when driving) and pointing, saying things like "SCOOT-SCOOT-SCOOT-ER-ROO!" when they aren't doing what i'd like.

-mostly i love that i'm noticing more and more about where i live. stuff i haven't noticed before. the habit of going to new bookstores and coffeeshops is accompanied by eating brunch by myself at a newly discovered locale every monday.

-you also have the opportunity to notice and engage with people when you're biking. random three-sentence conversations happen, and you actually see the motorcycle with two wheels in the front (what is that all about, anyway?) and have time to think about it.

-regardless of the mode of transportation, i am thoroughly annoyed by people who sloooow down to turn right. especially when one-way streets are involved. grrr.

-for some reason, toni braxton's "Unbreak My Heart" has been in my head today. i'll go ahead and blame the gypsy house for that.

-so there's this neighbor kid, maybe 7-years-old, who rides a blue bike. he's taken to saying "Hi" to me quite often. our neighborhood isn't exactly booming with kids, and i think his parents only let him ride on the sidewalk on our side of the block. lately every time i come home on my bike, he rides over to say hey. he usually sits on his bike at the end of our walk and waits until i pull my bike up the stairs. maybe i'll ask his name and have a new bff.

-originally i was going to philosophize on how kickball scenarios translate quite well into real life situations, but i've lost the gusto for it. essentially, there is much to be said for being aware of others, but just as much to be said for being focused on yourself. maybe i'll keep that brewing and report back. cover, stir, simmer.

-in a somewhat related circle of thought, i have found myself being way too apologetic in some instances. as in with my entire being. not necessarily a pushover, but certainly more permissible than usual. i'mma work that out, too.