"You came back! You said you would come back, so I knew you would come back!"

“When you blow your nose, it gets the boogers away.” -Leon, 4, on allergies

“Don’t look up my skirt. That’s private.” -Claire, 5 on stairs

“I know it’s private.” -Rylan, 5

“I have a hugenormous big big big owie.” -Logan, 4, on knees

“I knew your name when I was a baby. Before I came to school I missed you.
I miss you when I’m at home.” -Caleb, 4

“A hippo sitting on a chair?! Seriously?” -Shannley, 4, on storybooks

“Your bread is more good than ours.” -Truman, 3, on HyVee

Me: What’s your dad’s name?

Leon: I don’t know. He’s gonna have to tell me.”

“You should hold Ms. Brown’s hand so you don’t slip and fall.” -Leon, 4,
on snowblowing

“Uhm, Ms. Bradford, it’s HOME Depot.” -Truman, 3, on Discovery Depot

“I am tired at this weather.” -Leon, 4, on 2019

“Don’t worry, Ms. Bradford, I have my listening ears on loud. Very high.”
-Logan, 4, on lies

“You are funny. You say crazy things.” -Leon, 4, on Ms. Bradford

“We don’t have time for this!!” -Will, 3, on fire drills and nonsense

“Him is not a talker.” -Rylan, 5, on Paxton

“I’m touching you with my CARDINAL hand!” -Hudson, 5, on redbirds

“In my head, I’m like...what kinda party?” -Tinley, 5, on raising hands

“An 80’s song. That means ‘I love you’ in Japanese.” -Caleb, 4, on his brain

“It wasn’t before Christmas. Christmas was yesterday.” -Baylee, 4,
on Easter and time

“You are weird. It’s what makes you fun.” -June, 4, on Ms. Bradford

“This floor is so clean, I can’t even imagine the vacuum!” -Shannley, 4

“You probably shouldn’t tell the kids that.” -Shannley, 4, on floor cleanliness

“Mr. Jim always has the treasure!” -Hudson, 5, on Fruit Loops

“Are you a scientist?” -Rylan, 5, on slime production

“Ms. Bradford, this is not my favorite.” -Sawyer, 3, on beets

“My heart says I want to marry my food.” -June, 4, on lunch

“When is it gonna be up time?” -Shannley, 4, on quiet

“HEY! **SNAPS** I’m talking to you!!” -Leon, 4, on Paxton

“You don’t got pokers.” -Donovan, 3, on earrings

“Chicken Little is weird.” -Claire, 5, on stories

“I love it when you sing. Especially about frogs.” -Caleb, 4, on speckles

“I’m a genie in a bottle, gotta ask me the right way.” -Claire, 5, on lyrics

“Tornadoes can eat people! This is freakin’ me out!” -Logan, 4, on weather

“I do not want to stay here 3 months. I do not want to stay here 3 days.”
-Logan, 4, on the end of the year

“He’s a CARNIVORE. He doesn’t eat cardboard.” -Kierre, 5, on dinosaurs

"YOU DON'T SAY ME THAT!"

"Never did. Never can." -Brady, 5, on bandaids

"I don't feel so good. I think I got the germs."-Hudson, 4

"YOU HAVE TO STOP DOING THAT!" -Konrad, 3, on crying

"You already know all of this!" -Paxton, 4, on adults asking questions

"I do not love this." -Rylan, 4, on everything she hates

"I need a little help here." -Sawyer, 3, on shoes

(reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle)
me: *points to a giant dirt pile* "What's he standing on?"
Hudson: "GRAVITY!"

me: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
kid: "I don't know"
me: "What does your dad do at work?"
kid: "My dad smokes cigarettes."

"Holy Toledo!" -Caleb, 3, on chaos
"Oh my heavens!" -Caleb, 3, on continuing chaos

"I built the block tower so high she finally talked to me!" -Carter, 5, on Evelynn (and 3 weeks of silence)

Will, 3: "This kid has an attitude! And this kid has an attitude!"
Kamden, 3: "HEY! We're just trying to play here!"

"Human eye juice." -also known as tears

"You better watch out, or I'll go Thriller on you!" -a threat? or an invitation to dance?

"Ms. Bradford, Minnie died. She got ran over by a car and we buried her. She is SO dead." -Avery, 3, on cats

"Hey, baby, do you wanna kiss me?" -Bentley, 3, making moves

"That is TERRIFYING!" -Hudson, 4, on naptime

"Jesus Christ! I keep forgetting to tell my teacher I wanna learn the alphabet!" -Shannley, 4, on goals

"I keep forgot-ing." -Avery, 3, on hand washing

"That does not taste good for me." -Bently, 4, on cauliflower

"Eww! That smells like when Aunt ShelBell sprays hair!" -Caleb, 3, on air freshener

"What's your favorite song? Mine is DROPKICK MUH JESUS!" -Hudson, 3, on the truth

"It smells like farts in here." -Hudson, 5, on brussells sprouts

"It's funny when you use the little sink." -Shannley, 4, on kid vs. adult sizes

"He kissed me on the cheek two times. That is so gross!" -Tinley, 4, on brothers

""Bee-ee-8-9 is how you spell my name." -Bentley, 4, getting closer

"BACK UP! You put maple syrup on your oatmeal? I put water on mine." -Carter, 5, on breakfast

"You were my favorite part of Pharmfest!" -Caleb, 3, on teachers in the wild

"P is for vegetable stack!" -Leon, 4, on pizza

"When I grow up, I'm gonna own an Olive Garden."

"My favorite part was all the parts." -Brady, 5, on field trips

"It's like I work here!" -Gavin, 5, on paper towels

"OK GOOGLE knows everything I say." -JJ, 5

"I don't know how to get my voice out." -Rylan, 4, on asking questions

"I picked him because he's cute." -JJ, 5, on Gavin

"I am not going to marriage you!" -Gavin, 5, on being picked

"A CUBS GAME??? Gross." -Hudson, 4, on teams

"Maybe he ate too much sugar." -Hannah, 4, on the flu

"My dad will come to your party. 'Cuz I bet it's a beer party." -Maya, 4, on roller skating

"I have so many boogers in my lungs." -Gavin, 5, on allergies and coughing

"Can you call my mom? I've had a bit of a day." -Adrix, 4, on Tuesdays

"If my brother was here, he would ruin it. Because he hates rainbows, unicorns, and anything I love. HE WOULD DESTROY IT." -Maya, 4, on Chris

Mackenzie: "Where is Mr. Bradford?"
Me: "There is no Mr. Bradford."
Mackenzie: "Oh, that's why you don't have babies."

"I have a belly button and it makes me itchy." -June, 4, on princesses

"I am a face monster!!" -Rylan, 4, on cupcake frosting

"You are wearing a dress. And big earrings. And I don't even know what is going on with your lips!" -JJ, 5, on graduation

"Bananas have no armpits." -Brady, 5, on going bananas

"That's a mighty robust bagel!"

kid quote blog returns. the preschool edition.

"Ms. Bradford, we have a problem. The problem is it's cold outside." -Hudson, 4

"QUEEN BUG!!" -Lincoln, 4, on queen bees

"I'm so excited for February. Because February 4 is SNACK DAY." -Dylan, 5, on the SuperBowl

me: Do giraffes hibernate or migrate?
*blank stares*
me: Where do giraffes go in the winter?
"Uh, Ms. Bradford? Giraffes stay at the zoo." -Gavin, 4

me: What's your favorite candy?
"CAKE!" -Keegan, 3

"He makes money at work. That's all he does." -Maya, 4, on her dad's job

"I hate that. I hate that so much. I never want to do that." -Maya, 4, on glue

"Chickens poop eggs out." -Paxton, 4

"It smells like breath." -Gavin, 4, on peppermint tea

"It feels like I'm marrying someone!!" -Gavin, 4, on peppermint

"I found poo-poo on the floor." -Layken, 5, on problems

"You better watch out of me. I'm gonna sneeze." -Layken, 5

"Ms. Henness....Miss, uh, ....Glasses! ....Uh....Ms. Bradford!" -Layken, 5, on remembering names

"Ms. BadBird." -Maddax, 5, on me

"The whole world is really wild." -Tinley, 4

me: Who can tell me a word that starts with 'V'?
"VERB!" -Adrix, 3, on brilliance

Layken: No. We are not friends. You are not being nice to me.
Me: Welp, this is the schedule. Right now is quiet time.
Layken: I do not like that.

"Ms. Bradford, I believe that most people are good." -Lincoln, 4, on breaking my heart

"Hims do that." -Paxton, 3, on pronouns

"Listen! It's a ding-ding gate!" -Lincoln, 4, on trains

"Ms. Bradford, your hair is pretty good." -JJ, 5, on braids

me: *sprays peppermint oil*
Layken: "Oh, man!!! That smells good!"
*puts face in armpit*
**eyes water**
Layken" "I do not want to smell that anymore! IT SMELLS AWFUL GOOD."

"This is a challenge." -Adrix, 4, on scissors

"Sometimes I'm strong with English. Sometimes I'm strong with Spanish. Mostly I'm strong with words."

"I bet when you were little it was like 'Arthur' and stuff." -Justin,4th, on being old

"CARLOS!" -3rd grader on my name

"Miss Billford!" -Fernando, 2nd, on the same

"You cannot trust girls." -4th grader

"It smells like all kinds of coffee in here." -Alondra, 5th, on Wednesday at 1pm

"It's because he gots 9 and I gots 7." -Julian, 2nd, on older siblings

"No. I'm not guud. It's good." -Nathan, 2nd

"Can I keep this forever?" -Mark, 2nd, on books

"Do you speak English or Spanish?" -me
"No. I just talk." -Izaiah, 1st

"I need books on alicorns. It's a pegasus with a horn on it's head." -Elizabeth, K, schooling me

"You just said 'dude' to me?!" -Jose, K, on my informality...bro

"Can I ask you a question? Where were you last year and do you hate always having kids in your library and why do you have so many shoes under your desk?" -Jimena, 2nd, on all of the things

"Miss! Teacher! Teacher! Miss-essss LIBRARY!"

After a year off spent acting, I have returned to the glamorous life of public school education.This time around as an elementary school librarian. My school has 650+ students, 90% of whom speak Spanish. This has lead to some very entertaining verb conjugations on my part. Until I return to conversational classes, my broken Spanish has me saying things like, "Manana muy bien." when I'm actually attempting to communicate that said student will do better tomorrow.

Students came to the library for the first time last week. Alas, there aren't many kid quotes yet, but I assure you they will be flowing freely quite soon. Because, as our beloved celebrity rapist in colorful sweaters reminded us, kids really do say the darndest things.


"No! George Jefferson." -4th grader on the 1st US President

"Paul Walker is one of the greatest American actors." -4th grader on the obvious

"The 'C'." -3rd grader on the capital of Colorado

"I don't even know, man. I drank a glass of milk and passed out on the couch." -5th grader on the score of the previous nights' Broncos game

"Let's go out there, cause some trouble, and fall in love."

Random list o' buckets:

• conversational Spanish
• glow bocce league
• make curtains for sunporch
• organize sunporch
• do fashion show closet purge redeux with the ladies
• host a clothing swap
• reclaim my yoga practice
• write philosophy of education paper
• start improv philosophy before September 20th classes 
• ESL class
• master sewing pockets on dresses
• eventually crafting a wide banded pencil skirt with said pockets  
• resume my church-of-one movie-going experiences
• do a superlative roadtrip covering new ground...utah? montana? idaho? hrmmmm.
• practice my tap dancing
• resume regularly donating blood
• learn to fix and maintain my Royal typewriter