a smirk & a toss...

"when i can't remember what grace is...."

2011-12-09T22:08:00.000-08:00

.:in the loneliest places:.
tell me, once again, who i am.

wow.
geez.a.lou.

don't get me started on cheezeball contemporary christian music. if you have before, you know how cynical and haughty i can be. horrible. both the music and my attitude...but mostly the music.

then
every now and again
even the coldest of hearts
has a moment
where she turns to that station
and
hears
a beautifully simple song
that answers the only prayer
she's earnestly been making over the last year.

doesn't make the song a great work of art.
or the video any better.
but it makes a difference.
still processing that.

"We all have our own go-to people, but you girls are my forever go-to people."

2011-10-14T10:28:00.000-07:00

Quoteblog...Queen Bee style. I've known these ladies starting at the age of 5, which has now been THIRTY YEARS for some of us. Wowza. We spent a long weekend of CELEBRATION in Florida recently.

"The get up and go got up and went." -sadee

"We've got security." -lou

"Why does Charlotte Russe have an outlet store?" -jill

"If people see me pick my nose, I don't really care."

"Are you gonna put this on your blog? I don't want to have to censor myself." -sadee

"I really like this...well, until I saw these f*ckers." -sloan on birds

"Are you doing inappropriate things with my pen?" -lou

"Self-diagnosed. High anxiety. Tightly wound." -medhurst

"Oh, we're not in Colorado. I have a hard time remembering that you live in Florida." -maggie

"I thought you would appreciate that. You especially." -keri

"...the lesbian and her lesbian friend. COME ON, YOU CARPET MUNCHERS!!" -maggie

"I really don't like bees. But I really like bees!" -allison

"That's exactly what it says at the Gap. 'This b already bought something online.'"

"Sara, you should skip the ruffage." -svr

"Mary told me she would buy my Coach purse." -maggie

"He's very generous in his own kind of ways. But those are not his ways." -sadee

"I...am about....to stick my face...in that big bowl of cho-co-late mousse." -jill

"I frickin' love enchiladas." -fritzel

"I had my moment where I invited Jesus into my heart. But it was a lie." -mg

"I would work here just to hear "Sleigh Ride" every day." -sara on disney

"All the other girls are gonna be sooo jealous!" -allie on fairy dust

"It's not your fault, I just look chubby." -jill

"It may be cutting off the electricity of my body." -svr

"I would like to do a water aerobics class. Like with senior citizens." -sadee on exercise

"Now, if I'm a white girl from Illinois, is it still just a "little" spicy?" -jill

"Jill has two beers and is....ready to screw the bartender." -maggie on tolerance

"You want some drizzle dizzle?" -lou

"I can't even speak grammar." -maggie

"I'm a little tipsy. I don't know if I've ever been totally drunk around you guys."

"Jill's like the paparazzi." -maggie

"Keri, do you want to go next? While you can still form a sentence?" -jill on highs and lows

"You ever had your business done?" -jill
"Not professionally." -lou

"Never roam alone!" -luke on bernard

"Oh, I was on the tit."

"Oh, shit! That's great!" -luke on pictures

"....and Sloan is the same height as the Medhurst girls." -sadee on the same pictures

"Do you think Bernard is playing with his penus in here?"

"They don't make a condom for your heart, Jill."

"Did you guys know that in high school I was really popular for doing the running man??" -keri

"I like to touch my flower." -smf

"Sloan, do you have a pen?"
"I thought you stole a pen."

"If we were in the DAR, you'd be our historian." -sadee

"Hair down. No boobs." -allie on first impressions

"I enjoyed the side trip to the ghetto." -lou

"Lou, we should sit together more often. We're funny." -jill

"She is NOT okay."

"All of the shirts in my closet are short sleeved. And I live in Illinois." -sloan

"No, thanks. We don't drink and drive." -sadee on coupons

"Oh, are you gonna put it in your purse and recycle it?" -maggie on pizza crust

"Now why did we stop when I just said I was gonna do what I was gonna do?" -sloan

"Her name is Helen because Sloan likes to mute her." -maggie on the garmin

"There I am, itching my hoo-ha. Don't worry; I'm not up in there."

"You are ruining their 'Happiest Place on Earth' moment." -lou

"...And now she's Elmo." -sadee

"Doesn't this just make you happy, Jill?"
"Now there's an adult up there...OK, he's mentally handicapped."
"No chocolate! GO DANCE UP THERE!!" -all sadee on downtown disney

"Those sorority girls like that crap." -sadee on paint your own pottery
"And Jill." -maggie

"Are you saying my neck is fat?"

"Yeah-I have a godmother. She's 78." -maggie
"You can be in a movie at 15, why can't you be a godmother?" -sara
"Do you have pictures yet?" -lou on the plimptons
"So George Plimpton is married to the young model?!" -sara
(all of the above plus 18 other quotes happened while all 8 of us were in the car. There was only ONE actual topic of conversation.)

"You're fine. Move on. Build a bridge." -maggie

"I should drink more." -medhurst

"And I do watch a little too much Nancy Grace. I own that." -sadee on conservative views

"Why do gay people need their own newspaper?"

2011-09-26T18:00:00.001-07:00

(after the insanity of the boys visit, my brother returned to denver just 2 weeks later. with my mom. we had a blast doing all kinds of touristy things. and generally laughing at random nonsense. that's where the first few quotes come from...)

"Are you going to get drunk and then ride roller coasters?"
"No. I'm going to ride roller coasters and THEN get drunk."

"I'm old and I don't have a job." -doug on the ladies

"This is upside down? THIS IS UPSIDE DOWN!!" -doug on mocking jill

"It come right up to us."
"Came."
"It come right up. I could have petted it."
"Pet it."
"PETTED IT."

"It is inbred in me."
"Ingrained."
"INBRED."

"I'm going loosey goosey, so I'm having more fun." -jill
"This tickles my tummy!" -mom

"Do you hear that thunder?" -mom
"That's the Tilt-a-Whirl." -jill

"This thing is held together with bubble gum! You can't live forever..." -doug's new best friend

"Are you making fun of me?" -mom

"I was just putting on a 2.5 multiplier." -doug on height

"This is horrible! I am not having fun!" -mom

(end of family visit...we will now be moving on to Trailer Trash Thin Man style, LT's bachelorette party and wedding, and life as "normal" for me.....you've been warned.)

"It just degenerates really quickly when there's words involved." -micah on games

"I have some tequilla because I've been hanging out with Mexicans." -nico

"I just tattooed half the MILFs on the Western Slope!" -brian

"Honey! Come watch me get a tattoo from this gay boy!" -random AARP tour busser

"I don't think I can handle any happiness right now." -kendra on chinese food

"I AM LEGEND is coming true." -darren on NYC
"Will Smith always brings the dope stuff." -marcus

"Apparently you've never been to a Diana Ross concert. You always have a back-up outfit." -marcus

"It's like IBS. But of the soul." -nils

"You look like a girl who can move some shit." -eric

"You see, my biggest goal is to eat a hot dog later in the evening." -LT on dinner

"The army surplus store in Pekin is real good if you like guns." -phil

"It might be my armpit swagger." -kevin

"It's her birthday. There are more cupcakes." -mat

"I love that you went balls first." -micah

"It softens up pretty quickly, but then it goes hard." -tarynn

"I wish I could carry a purse and not look gay." -tyler

"Were you just telling an enema story and I missed the whole thing???" -tarynn

"It's probably licensed." -jill on hot dog carts

"I didn't know he would be getting naked. But that's my fault." -kevin on charlie

"Weed and leather. That's my billboard." -marcus

"So I let him go right on thinking that I slept with his mom." -mat

"I don't like going through life with an agenda. It's like a job fair." -de la

"I'm curious to see your biorhythms." -brian

"Don't pick me up, I'm fine right where I am."

2011-09-09T17:49:00.000-07:00

-I have been missing Illinois sumpin' fierce these past few weeks. Not going back this summer is a killer. I'll be back in October, but it's so not the same. My connection with geography and landscape is

-Super redeeming conversations with kids recently. Doesn't necessarily convince me that I'm in the right place for now, but it does give me a little boost to know I'm making a difference for the little ones.

-While driving the other day, I heard a song by a band that I'm friends with...it took me back to the place in time when they were just getting some notoriety around Denver. I remember going to their shows and being wicked excited for what was to come for them. In general, there was a hopeful feeling for my life then. Recently I've experienced a lack of hope. Kind of an all-encompassing one. Yikes. Newness is not something that's been near to me in a quite a bit. Hrrmm...

-However, my friend GBinder and I just started a new project that may change that. It's mostly top secret, but we're both anticipating big things on the horizon by the end of the year. Baby action steps for now.

-Since I started my big girl job, lazy mornings, bike rides and coffeeshops have been replaced with early bedtimes, naps and movies. Le sigh. However, I am taking advantage of this afternoon at Crema. Love the large versions of my little chair here. And the Herkimmer is pretty killer, too.

-The increase in movie-watching is thanks to Kevin. However, our living arrangement agrees with me. The other night I made dinner and then he treated to ice cream....followed by some foos. Normal night. Solid night.

"And then I puked barf and puke."

2011-09-06T15:51:00.000-07:00

"Whoa. That's a long time for livin'."

"This is Justin Beiber."
"No, this is Katy Perry."
"Well, it has a Justin Beiber voice."
"And it says 'Baby'."
"That means he has a wife."

"No! I was onpatient!"

"One time I did something that was danger. I went skydiving off a building. And I landed on my feet, of course."

"I think I smell my mom coming. Actually, that's my dad I think I smell. That's my dad you smell."

"HEY Miss J! Is that how you spell your stinkin' name?!"

"You just took a huge dump on my day."

"She really is that adorable."

"You look very pretty today."
"I know."

"Is that your real voice??"

"You want to talk about failure?" (proceeds to sing Dolly Parton's Jolene)

"My middle name is usually called 'Cinderella'."

"I'm pretty good with nature."

"You know me-I'm a big peanut fan, so I'll have a hamburger before I leave."

"I love the smell of memory."

"Well, it sounds like 'urine,' so add the 'b'."

"It's not classic because it's 'a classic,' it's classic because it's classic."

2011-08-05T18:34:00.000-07:00

My brother Doug and cousin Ryan are here from Illinois. Counting me and our Denver cousin Ian, there has been a week of 4 Bradfords together creating quoteblog magic. Not for the fainthearted or anyone with any tender sensibilities.

We played many hours of Catchphrase, hung out at St. Mark's and the Thin Man, went to a Rockies' game and the REI on the Platte River....that's the backdrop for the first set of gems.

"What I am doing now...is hard." -doug

"She knows all the black characters." -ian

"I don't know that much about Neptune, but I know it has 'tune' at the end of it. And Mars doesn't." -ian

"Play wood?" -ryan

"I don't have proper..." -doug
"FOOTWEAR!" -ryan

"What happens when Mars attacks and you don't have the internet?" -doug

"That's what I meant." -jill
"That's what you said." -doug
"And that's what I meant." -jill

"So even the black kids in Denver are hipsters." -doug

"There's a car coming. You probably can't hear it." -ian

"She is gonna be rocked." -doug

"They're stretch fabric." -ian on his shorts
"They're shop rags." -ryan

"Chics are of the essence."
"Look at the puppy in the truck!"

"There is a girl in the car. And she is your sister." -jill

"You might be the only person smoking a cigarette outside REI." -ian

"And that was before it was 90% dark." -doug

"Hey Doug, you got that foosball table together yet?" -ian

"I'm not a squirrel. Or a rabbit." -ryan

"I'm really sorry, guys. That should've been easy. But you are idiots." -ian

"How does it get dangerous? I will bang my sh&t to the right." -doug

"This is where Ryan Bradford needs to learn." -doug

"Denver gooder." -ryan

"There is mastering a skill and knowing when to use it." -doug

Sunday night we went up and camped outside of Glenwood Springs. There was a fire ban, so we wore our headlamps and entertained ourselves by playing dice games.
The boys insisted that we throw some thug poses. That's Ian in the middle and Doug on the right. We're pretty legit.

"Most people, when they're betting with rocks that they find in a driveway..."-ryan

"I'm not doing the Doug dance for nothing." -doug

"I can't wait to be there when you tell them how many rocks you won." -ryan

"IN COLORADO!" -ryan

We met our cousin Kelly, her boyfriend Jason (some of my earliest Denver posse) and their friends from California at the trailhead for Hanging Lake. It's a mile hike, virtually straight up, to this magnificent lake.

"Four Bradfords. Six idiots."

The view on the way up...

"Quicker to a cigarette! Quicker to a cigarette!" -ryan and doug
"There's no crying in hiking." -doug
"See you guys in 150 feet!" -ian
"Are you a hippie now?" -jason

Jill, Doug & Ryan under Spouting Rock

On the drive back to Denver, we decided to have our picnic lunch at Vail Pass. The sweet view and refreshing breeze prompted us to do some yoga. Well, Ian and I actually did yoga. Doug and Ryan just mocked us. It was pretty standard.

"So apparently living in the suburbs means you have grass in your yard."

"Don't drink beer when you're older."
"I always make statistics up. Period."

"Wait-who's Mike Bradford?"
"You and your dumb deaf ear!"

After the past few weeks I've had, with major trust issues shaking out and basically not feeling comfortable anywhere, it was super fantastic to have these boys here and just spend a week existing. That's good stuff right there.

"Trying to make sense of it is like trying to gather the river in your arms."

2011-07-30T16:13:00.000-07:00

the absence of blogs (quote, book or otherwise) has many contributing factors. i've not really pondered whether or not to share with the internets what's been happening. the last few days it's become apparent that an outpouring is nearing inevitability. wait for it. and thanks for loving me.

"I'm on a chair! I'm on a chair! But I can't dance." -christie

"They're Scottish. Or maybe British. Well, they're not from Colorado."

"I have a super developed sense of stating the obvious." -john

"He ruined my chances of getting an account at Blockbuster." -nils

"That's what I get for being a nice Christian gay." -marcus

"Meadowlark gets his own day? I've known you for 8 years! I don't have my own day." -edubs

"Aside from your vocabulary, I'm not really sure what you have going for you." -stu

"Are there pants? Or are there short shorts?" -john

"Now I'm telling my two Thin Man friends. Well, Jill's my all-the-time friend." -LT

"When you go out with clean intentions, that's when fish jump in your boat." -john

"You know what I like: bacon and beer." -jill

"It's like wet Denver is floating by." -logan

"Either way, she put it in a box." -dicker

"That was a giant horse's penis squirting." -laura

"$2.50 PBR?! That sh^t better come in a can!" -micah

"This is Care Bear Halloween! This is CARE BEAR HALLOWEEN!!" -jill

"Old people should go home and leave me alone." -steve

"It looks like he's in the middle of a 'no rules' week." -JRe

"Just 'cuz Jesus and I don't see eye to eye doesn't mean we don't both have eyes." -john

"I'll be sausage slappin' down the street to save your a$$." -james

"That dude plus sports equals zero." -edubs

"It puts the lotion on its' back or else it gets my hose again." -jason

"Blacks are like redheads: there's no in between." -rod

"I like a little beer poop mix." -will

"I'm not even going to give you the "For instance," because it's bad." -dolo

"Don't let the leather fool you, he is a child." -dicker

"Maybe it's a competition to see who can read harder." -adrian

"All I got was blue balls. And it tasted good." -andrew

"No, I have a picture with him on facebook, I just don't remember his name." -kevin

"She tried to be incognito. But she was totally suspicious. She was incogspicious." -bj

"This is not awkward on three different levels." -zac

2011-06-23T08:27:00.000-07:00

on my recent drive through kansas, i got to listen to some sweet jams. courtesy of some cds i made circa 2006-2008....i make some pretty sick mixes. here are a few for your listening pleasure.

i like the album version better, but i dig that he's playing with his hood up.

oh, keb mo. you my boy. (i do despise jay leno, but it was the only decent video.)

rufus. a roadtrip staple. hard to pick just one, but this one makes it for the bea arthur reference.

this is a recent favorite. i heard it as i was walking down the street last night.

"Like a one-a-day vitamin regimen."

2011-06-15T21:38:00.001-07:00

"I'm all Banked out." -Dolo

"Whatever. There are Carl's out there who need to be claimed!" -genny binder

"It's like a hobo playground out here. Babar's hobo jungle." -john wynne

"Watch out jeans!"

"Steroids will do you no good, dude. And they'll shrink your balls, too." -troy

"Anytime I go to a place that has a steak buffett...." -dicker

"And then I went to second base. And didn't run." -erin

"It smells better than hot pee." -jason

"Whoa. Whoa. I'm a faggot. I need to go. Away from you." -brian

"It's not because she's gay. It's because she's gross." -jaci

"He seems like a one trick pony. But I like his trick." -john wynne

"If I were a piece of cornbread, where would I hide?" -david

"I hate that he's here. And that you know him." -loren

"I walk around real quiet at night. Pleasure or pain. Where is it?" -drew

"You just dorked it." -batzer

"Black women drew the blueprints. White women are scared." -patty

"I have a scar on my soul. From cheese." -al

"Hey-can you guys drive an automatic?" -ryan

"Is there bacon stock in the soup? Because I like that." -hones

"Ok. But not two handfuls." -shannon

"If I was gay, I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating twinkies. Or crackers." -david

The Kickball Metaphors (or Thoughts from a Bike)

2011-06-09T11:30:00.000-07:00

-music should fit the atmosphere. specifically if you've obviously worked at creating an atmosphere. por ejemplo: r & b, southern rock, and john lee hooker do not equal Gypsy House Cafe. all three were heard there recently. it was super disconcerting.

-i made perhaps the perfect summer scarf last night. i found a funzie fabric with little kids swinging from trees, which i used with a small blue floral print remnant. if you still haven't checked out my stuff, you can support a terrific cause by clicking on my etsy site. (the cause would be Scum of the Earth.)

-"Because you can't decide if you're a vehicle or a pedestrian." that's right, mandykeller, i can't. as i ride my bike everywhere, i oftentimes find myself above the law. well, in my head anyways. i also find myself talking to cars (even more than when driving) and pointing, saying things like "SCOOT-SCOOT-SCOOT-ER-ROO!" when they aren't doing what i'd like.

-mostly i love that i'm noticing more and more about where i live. stuff i haven't noticed before. the habit of going to new bookstores and coffeeshops is accompanied by eating brunch by myself at a newly discovered locale every monday.

-you also have the opportunity to notice and engage with people when you're biking. random three-sentence conversations happen, and you actually see the motorcycle with two wheels in the front (what is that all about, anyway?) and have time to think about it.

-regardless of the mode of transportation, i am thoroughly annoyed by people who sloooow down to turn right. especially when one-way streets are involved. grrr.

-for some reason, toni braxton's "Unbreak My Heart" has been in my head today. i'll go ahead and blame the gypsy house for that.

-so there's this neighbor kid, maybe 7-years-old, who rides a blue bike. he's taken to saying "Hi" to me quite often. our neighborhood isn't exactly booming with kids, and i think his parents only let him ride on the sidewalk on our side of the block. lately every time i come home on my bike, he rides over to say hey. he usually sits on his bike at the end of our walk and waits until i pull my bike up the stairs. maybe i'll ask his name and have a new bff.

-originally i was going to philosophize on how kickball scenarios translate quite well into real life situations, but i've lost the gusto for it. essentially, there is much to be said for being aware of others, but just as much to be said for being focused on yourself. maybe i'll keep that brewing and report back. cover, stir, simmer.

-in a somewhat related circle of thought, i have found myself being way too apologetic in some instances. as in with my entire being. not necessarily a pushover, but certainly more permissible than usual. i'mma work that out, too.

"What do the poverty-stricken have that I don't?"

2011-05-31T08:14:00.000-07:00

my kid quotes may be waning, as i now nanny for a 4-month-old. however, the mother of said child is a doozy. i can't say we're cut from the same cloth entirely (she's a Republican...as in has a George W. Bush magnet on her refrigerator and has read his 2 biographies. what?), but our senses of humor line up quite nicely. so here we have the nora version of the quoteblog.

"Well, I hope you wore something low-cut and completely inappropriate." on interviews

"I'm a Republican, Jill; I'm not an idiot." -on palin

"It makes my eyes bleed." -on the huffington post

"I got day drunk. It's my favorite drunk." -on mother's day

"It's not cold enough to wear tights. Nor is it 1986, so pantyhose are out of the question."

"I already thought you were fantastic, but now I want to hump your leg."

"Is there a noun I can trust?"

2011-05-25T12:12:00.000-07:00

"Can you just ask about transgendered individuals? Right now? Just for me?" -Zach

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not friends with blacks or gays." -Todd

"Please come talk to me. Unless you are a woman who struggles with alcoholism. Just a dis-claim-er!" -David

"Why does it always seem like a good idea before we do it?" -Conor

"Oh-three claps for a 91?" -LT

"...and that's how I got beat up in high school." -donread

"It's neard! He has a neck beard. He can't grow facial hair above his jawline! He's harmless." -Charlie

"Unless you bring your kids here, nobody knows." -Seth

"Well, Carmelo left. So there's only about three black people left. There's me, Champ Bailey and then one other dude who works at the food court in the mall."

"No. And stop that." -Leah

"Is it a little fat girl, or is it whatever 'chalupa' means?" -Drew

"He just doesn't know that sometimes there's no talking times." -LT

"Guaranteed. You can't play volleyball and not have a baby." -Yochim

"I thought there was some kind of pre-existing condition. Like health insurance." -Conor

"I think the reason that television was invented is that parades suck." -Todd

"That's why it's really important for you to know that."

2011-05-25T12:05:00.000-07:00

"What are you, crazy?! Strawberries are not a treat; they are a fruit." -Maya, 4

"I'll call you when I'm in kindergarten."
"Can I have a tiny barrette? I'll pay you three dollars."
"I'm gonna have an ear piercing party. With pumpkin seeds and asparagus."
"They took a spaceship to the center of the earth. Some got suntanned. And some got dead." -Quianna, 4

"I can't even read a book. But when I grow up, I'm gonna be a mom." -Kate, 4

"No kissing at school. No. Kissing. At. School." -Aaron, 4

"High School Musical 3?! This is torture. But the music on Greatest Tank Battles is awesome. I really like the Battle of Kursk." -Jacob, 8

"I will wash my hands. And I am a little person." -Maria, 5

"There are a thousand things about me I want only you to know..."

2011-05-09T07:47:00.001-07:00

i know i've been MIA a while, but i've been busy. and processing. mostly busy. i have been trying my hand as super-nanny, and last week was with 6 families in 5 days. i'm also building up my furry friend list, and have dog sat for 9 dogs in the last month. some of my favorites include a great dane, a boston terrier and a wicked smaaht boxer.

one of the pluses to my new life is that i get to ride my bike. a lot. what bike? the bike i fixed. my church has a non-profit bike shop that is geared towards alternative transportation. if you're committed to making a bike be your main mode of transport, they'll give you one for free. i had gotten a free bike (1980s mountain bike, no less) from one of my nanny families last fall, but hadn't ever taken it in. well, a couple of months ago i did. the fabulous aaron pott helped me tune it up, overhaul the axles and get on the road.

aside from learning all kinds of bike stuff, i now try to ride at least five miles a day. i save errands like the post office and the bank for morning rides, and have only driven my car about twice a week for the last few months. radtastic. that's a picture of my gnarly rear triangle, including the derailleur and gear wheel.

when i'm riding down broadway, or basically any hill, i like to pretend i'm in an 80s movie. not usually Rad (sorry, daniel tosh). i've certainly laughed a few Pee-Wee style when crossing streets and smiling like an idiot. a few weeks ago, i realized something frightening. kevin came over and we watched Goonies. check this out:

ridiculous. apparently i've unknowingly been channelling josh brolin circa 1985. (ps: i cut my hair. and darkened it. i'll probs be rocking the fauxhawk for summer again soon.)

in other news, i've been working on my etsy site. it's not finished yet, and i've been procrastinating that big time. i haven't advertised it, but a shop in denver that's opening this week contacted me to see if i'd be interested in selling my stuff. righteous. (the etsy site is actually a fundraiser for my church, more info on that when i'm fully up and running.)

lastly, i can't stand it when you hold the door open for someone and they touch the handle as they are walking through. especially if you've obviously been holding it for them. geez a lou. seriously? thought i'd hold it just up until the second you were crossing the threshold, then i was gonna let go. people.

"So anything from Kathy goes into a Jazzercise folder."

2011-05-01T11:17:00.000-07:00

"Look at you! You're from a Hanna Barbera cartoon. Expect him to get into the Mystery Machine." -John Wynne

"This is Colfax. Be Somebody."

"I don't do stand-up. I do sit down."

"It's like a college level sociology experiment in here." -LT

"What else do you need? Pretty boys and Taco Bell." -Edub

"OK; what do I do with this kid so that I don't break it?" -Sanjay

"Forsooth. And then you end it with depression." -Mike/Tim

"I have made a decision to be stupid and I'm stickin' to it!" -Flanders

"They're just a couple of Bubbas from Alabama." -Gary Wysocki

"It's like the difference between a fiddle and a banjo." -Gary on Indy

"Look at these technological bros with their f^ckin' faces." -Hanna

"I understand that there's a lot of anger going on down there-but I cut off my hand, I don't need a mop." -Randell

"I am the Bobby Fischer of Connect Four!" -John Wynne

"If my nuts blow up at this point, why would you care?" -Tom

"No, I've only seen his big ol' meat head." -Jess

"That's like asking Bambi to act like an a*^hole." -Alicia

"I'm afraid there might be snakes in my area." -JRe

Everybody falls in small degrees.

2011-04-04T23:11:00.000-07:00

(fair warning: this is totes mcgotes a 'memory lane' post. i was watching the first season of Scrubs. stellar music. recollections included.)

i vividly remember a phone conversation that i had in the winter of 2000/2001. i'd been living in chicago for about 6 months, and had been "broken up" with the "first boy to ever make me cry" for almost a year. having previously been one of my best friends, we were just (and finally) at the point where we could have random and unawkward conversations. he had called to tell me about a band that he thought i would like. the number of people whose taste in music i unquestionably trust is few, but this guy just knew me. (he was right about the Old 97s, too.)

the other memories i have attached to this music is nearly, if not more, vivid. taking the train to evanston to see Vanilla Sky, stopping by a random record shop beforehand. renting a car to drive home one random weekend, this in the cd player as i parked at the cemetery one snowy afternoon to visit mike's grave. so many thoughts about thomas wolfe....

i once saw Earlimart at the hi-dive. they make the short list of bands who put on PHENOMENAL shows, exceeding expectations set by their albums. big time.

this week i saw a movie called happythankyoumoreplease. while the jury's still out on the film itself, the music was my bag. most was by this chic named Jamie Seeman, who goes by the name jaymay. usually i don't dig girl voices, but she's pretty righteous.

"He has all of his teeth. That is surprising."

2011-03-18T12:21:00.001-07:00

"But you don't really hear anything."-Kevin

"Oop-a little sprinkle just went down to join the cheese." -me on spills
"A little snack pack in your tit-kerchief." -Erin

"Jill saying anything out of context is hilarious-but 'boner-killing-tit-kerchief' might be the best." -Todd

"Yeah, well, a lot of people moved when your mother and I got married." -MB

"By golly, I've got to be alright. I must be alright." -Grandma

"Licorice slurpee, right?" -Flanders

"I could not turn them over any slower or leave them there any longer." -Duey

"I rather enjoy shoveling dirt into the faces of...well, women." -Adam

"You got a lot going on on your boots right there." -Doug

"Why do you have a button on your head?" -Mel

"I just realized how appropriate it is that my bosom is heaving in this dress." -me on the opera
"You want some booze?" -Keller, also on the opera
"I don't know opera, but I know my Cyndi." -Keller

"Do you want Jesus to be your personal savior or your personal trainer?" -John

"People love watching fat people do stuff." -Adam

"That's the first link in the chain on the way to my mongolism. MOGULism. I'm gonna be a mogul." -Adam

"It's all country and Jesus in here." -me on Galesburg

"I don't know if you remember, but they had rootbeer. That was their thing." -Nate on Oogie's

"I need some dirtiness in my life. Yolkey but not whitey." -Sarah on the Broadview

"Well, I can't really tell. You haven't taken that lifevest off all night." -Eddie Peters on my body

"Pretty much whatever you ate at The Broadview plus fart." -Adam

"I brainwash all the grandkids." -Mel

"I've got my Associates Degree. TWO OF EM!" -Dusti

"Our relationship is unhealthy. The most passionate ones are." -Erynn

"Does the hula hoop gene skip a generation?" -Cheri

"Are you militarily ready for this evening?" -Adam

"We can't be teammates. But we can still be friends." -Randell

"Primary colors! Anxiety lights! Something's wrong!!" -Zac

i love the EL. i miss (mass and functional) public trans.

2011-03-11T17:02:00.000-08:00

this music
comes courtesy of
The Chicago Reader.
i discovered
or remembered
these bands
whilst reading it
this past week.
on the train.
le sigh.

(also go to their website to hear the whole album Constant Future.)

"I could make that."

2011-03-04T09:55:00.000-08:00

My grandmother was obsessed with owls. She collected them her whole life. As in HUNDREDS of owls on shelves in every room, magnets on the fridge, pins on her collar, earrings...you get the idea. So when I was flying home for her funeral, I made these little felt pins for all of the girls to wear to the service.

A few years ago, I started making jewlery out of buttons. First were the necklaces (an idea I stole from Grace Rockwell), then the rings...

then the hair clips (the fabric from one of these is old pajamas)...

I got a little out of control with the button flowers for my hair (This is the first one I ever made. Check out that awesome job with the hot glue.)...

When I got sick of freehanding flowers with button centers,

I moved on to rosettes with snaps! (This was the prototype, made from the leftover satin from the tutu I made last year.)

After making 11 new flowers, I wore one in my hair every day this past week.

When I was at the Fancy Tiger looking for fabric to make those rosettes, I saw a girl wearing a scarf made of the same material that I covered my kitchen chairs with...she told me that it was a mobius scarf and that I could find the instructions on their blog. Man alive, I've made three so far...and I'm pretty sure it's my new addiction.

My mom still had the scraps from a quilt she made me, so I pieced together a super random and busy one...

Here's me wearing the first one that I made...still my favorite.

I cut my material into 1/8 of a yard so that I could wrap it three times, but if you do the 1/4 yard, it wraps twice. It's super easy...and I got enough material for FOUR scarves for $14.32. You know I love a bargain as much as I love a scarf!

"Joe, who was not very moral, had no revulsion for the pit; he liked it."

2011-02-25T12:21:00.001-08:00

-Even a bad Weezer song is still a pretty good song.

-The universe might be nudging me to do an art project with hubcaps. I saw random hubcaps on the sidewalk for three days in a row. Then I took note, thought about the project. AND SAW RANDOM HUBCAPS AMOK FOR THE FOLLOWING FOUR DAYS.

-Typing of art projects, I may make this blog even more schizophrenic and start posting photos of my handmade stuff. The glue gun and I have spent some quality time together recently. As a result, I am sporting a flower in my hair every day this week. (Well, and I'm not sure what I'm doing with the hair situation, so the buds are a helpful distraction while I figure it out.)

-I'm not sure if I'm exactly a creature of habit, but if I were, I've broken out of habits lately. I started sitting in a new coffee shop to read. AND I started walking Cheesman Park instead of City Park. Whoa, nelly. Sweet Valley High! Shark Farts!

-Hopefully heading southwest instead of northeast will change my headspace a bit. I'm also starting an improv class, so perhaps something will break loose within.

-On said walks, I was able to wear shorts and my chacos for three days in a row. woot-the tan line is back. I also wore heels and a dress two nights in a row...one night with bare legs. February in Colorado is blissful. (Make sure to remind me of that when it dumps snow here in April.)

-The other day when I was crossing Colfax, I was reminded of Broadway in Chicago. Weird.

-The other night I washed my sheets AND took a shower (unheard of, I know. triple whammy: my legs are shaved.). anyhooze, i stayed in bed a good amount of time extra after i woke, just so i could rub my feet together. simply the best.

"I'm not illiterate-my parents were married!"

2011-02-19T14:22:00.001-08:00

"It is trembling cold outside."

"There is hardly ever a snow day at work."

"Chippy Jon Jones."

"Maybe they're chasing someone, but they forgot to turn on their lights. Or maybe the batteries died. Because police can do that."

"Oh-so your appendix is that thing that hangs in the back of your throat?"

"I don't know what a miracle is, but I know what ameercle is."

"Vampires have fangs and people have veins."

"That smells like caffeine. I've never even had caffeine before."

"Hang tight, dude, I'm working on it."

"They're ducks! Gooses can't go golfing!"

"Are you supposed to be dancing? Or are you supposed to be driving this car?!"

"Stop a moment. Roll a moment. Go a moment."

"This is in color. I thought you said it was in 3D."

"I just think that is so very sad." -Maria, on George Washington's death

"So stealing his painting and not peeing on his bed is as adult as I can be about it."

2011-02-13T13:26:00.000-08:00

(or the overheard at The Thin Man edition...random nights when I didn't have the book, but had my phone...)

"She wore these terry cloth jumpsuits and big boots. She was so JAP."

"Roll the dice and smell real nice."

"It's not a skull thing. It's a skin thing. It's my goal in life to create the most...it's like I was battling a troll in the 80s." -John

"When you've sown your oats, oats just aren't that tasty." -Chris

"I told you the paparazzi would be here. We need to go through the back." -a double entendre, Marcus

"Are we in Texas? Again? That's like putting all your eggs into a basket of red flags." -Zac

"Last resort for you. First resort for me. I'm a libertine. What can I say?" -Zac

"Black man. White snow. Dead."

"No, I'm not a musician. I'm just a dancer."

"I haven't sprinted since the 90s. I've had no reason to sprint." -Todd

"This is the kind of music that makes me think I can levitate." -David

"When are you gonna fall in love with this beauty? She keeps telling me it's a silly question, but if I had all the right puzzle pieces, I'd make her mine. " -Loren

Said one day, one day, one too many days...

2011-02-03T18:40:00.000-08:00

even though i promised (myself) that i wouldn't steal steph's friday phonics idea, it turns out that maybe i am. since she's apparently on a posting hiatus, i'm glad to attempt to step up to fill the gap. not nearly as informational, just a bit of what i've been listening to lately.

everything absent or distorted. one of my favorite local bands. i used to work with one of these guys at the library, they opened a show for my friend mike's band...and then i became obsessed. too bad they don't play together anymore. i woke up with this song in my head today.

when i lived in chicago, i met (and subsequently fell in love with) a musician named Chris Mills. here he is performing with The City That Works Orchestra (and the lovely Kelly Hogan) at the hideout. for you denver music scenesters, the closest i've found to that place is the larimer lounge.

i'll go ahead and keep it local with achille lauro. it was hard to pick a video...they're all poor quaility. there is one of them playing "No Brakes", which they once dedicated to me and my Ms. PacMan prowess. it's a mutual admiration. anyhooze, this jam is one of my favorites to see live. As Kevin once said, "No, that does not sound like a bunch of noise to me."

For the hobo on the go....in Northwest Africa

2011-01-25T10:24:00.000-08:00

(this post may be a bit premature time-wise, but the book is oversploding with goodness. [Be sure to skip down a few posts for Faceplant quotes] some solid hours-long conversations, both in person and via the phone, have really delivered. well, and game night with the usual suspects....)

"No, I don't play that. That's you peoples' game." -JRe (moment of silence)

"Yeah...that's a tuxedo onesie. 'Cuz he likes to party." -charlie/lester/horatio

"Oh really? Then why is your crotch glowing red, Jacob?" -jacob tighe

"Let me break it down for you: We are built the same, but we come with completely different user manuals." -jacob tighe

"I am a #%(&^ financial consultant and I work in a toy store." -bradley

"It's not Woody Allen funny." -lisa

"This sober thing is freaking me out." -kevin

"We don't need to know that John Henry is going to die at the beginning of the song." -lisa

"Jump jaw swagger. Bust ya'll's heads." -panera dude

"I usually like to be smoking. If I'm not eating. Or drinking." -boombalias

"It lost it's snazziness halfway through." -boombalias

"You greet people with this..."
"Golden shower!"
"Kevin, if that is how you greet people...."
"NO, I DO NOT WANT ANY GIRL SCOUT COOKIES!!!"

"I am not being a dick. You are being a vagina." -oh, married banter

"What kind of naked babies are you around?"

"Doo doo doooo and give God the glory glory...And look at my team."

"You get Jesus, I get books!"

"Cleaning the house never took so long!" -mdl on HASHrag/MarijuanaBroom/PotSwiffer

"Does everyone know that we're not playing charades?"

"How about you make bacon and open up all the windows today?!"

"It's their preference and business, so they should be able to choose."

2011-01-25T10:19:00.000-08:00

(the title comes from a 5-year old. i ask: how does she know the correct verb tense?)

"I rarely leave the comfort of my own home."

"Hey guys! Want to smell my breath?!"

"There are vitamins in this apple. Are the white spots the vitamins?"

"This is delicious. But maybe not call it ants on a log. Ants that are not raisins. Craisins on a roll. That's what I should say."

"If I was you, my most prized possession would be my house. Otherwise you'd be homeless."

"My granddad has his very own chair."

before it makes a sound...

2011-01-25T00:16:00.000-08:00

the eels. longtime favorite. this video...directed by wim wenders. yes.

bonnie "prince" billy. on the radio at 8am. perfection.

amy courts. the living room in nyc.

this one gets some lyrics:

"Stronger Than You Think”
(by amy courts | [c]2010 amalia musica)

And I know it’s gonna break you down
It’s gonna hurt like hell
Before it makes a sound
And I know it reaches everything
But you are stronger than you think you are
Right now

"My new thing is gonna be wearing men's pajamas."

2011-01-16T15:28:00.000-08:00

As most of you know, I am enthralled with camp. I've been smitten since the age of 10. Last weekend I had the opportunity to be the "work crew boss" for Faceplant. Essentially, I got to hang out with 30-odd high school and college kids while we ran the kitchen and dining room for 400 middle schoolers. Yup, these amazing kids sacrificed their weekends to wake up before sunrise to serve little people. Humbling and fascinating.

So...camp. A chance to stop, to change, to rest, to retreat. The anomaly of camp is that it changes time--both compressing and expanding it. What seems like a day is a week, and vice versa. The relationships and experiences one has at camp are enduring and, usually, life-changing. There isn't so much pressure to be, to do, to achieve....blah blah blah. If you've been, you know. If you haven't, you should try it. Take it from this 34-year old: Life is too short to spend it hanging out with adults.

(I've listened to this a few times....so true.)
This American Life #109: Notes on Camp

As for Faceplant specifically, I've been going since 2004. Whether I'm slathering kids' faces with butter, sliding down icy sidewalks (or making them so with giant bowls of water), rocking out to the obnoxious "Party in the USA", or listening to 400 voices sing as one....it's always a good time. This year was a veritable cornocopia of quotables. Nicely done.

"We're just breezingg through naptime." -sophie

"It smells like butthole." -bkainz

"That was a pretty good Andy-girl laugh." -jill

"I'm crewin' all the time" -sarah jonathan zoolz

"It's not really inappropriate if you look at her face." -jill

"Can I see that? Because it's actually a scrub brush, not a broom. ...Hey, I found the scrub brush." -sarah jane

"Are you sure? Because it seems like you're laughing at me." -cameron

"So you would be familiar with the firmness, then." -nikita (insert a jill and sophie knowing glance)

"There's not even music for all the sound I'm producing right now!" -zane

"I don't know if anyone else has my same ding-dong." -sophie

"Well, I guess you're gonna have to get new friends." -bkainz

"Are you sure you're a Christian, man? You might want to send some missionaries to your face, because apparently it doesn't know." -zane

"I would say that I really like broccoli, but I don't." -tate

"Oh, so there's actually a book." -steve the video guy

"SAFARI PLANET!! That's the only thing I could think of to say." -tate

"You know you've reached a new plateau of group mediocrity when even a Canadian is alarmed by your lack of individuality."

2011-01-12T14:28:00.000-08:00

"C'mon, no one showers in Denver. Plus, after a few beers showering is more fun anyways." -ryan kulp

"I never said I thought you were a bad listener. If you listened to me, you would know that." -stowe

"YOU RUINED CHRISTMAS!!" -nick fones

"I feel like I just got frankensenced and myrrhed!" -boombalias

"I'm more of a fall color, actually." -trent

"I've got some drinking to do today!" -my mom on Christmas

"Yeah, you get this, and I get Barbie catalogs." -hippity-hop on Victoria's Secret

"I'm just trying to keep the holidays happy." -doug

"I'm, like, fudged out. Bad." -ryan canier

"Oh, so you don't have the sex?" -my mother's pedicurist, to me, IN FRONT OF MY MOTHER

"This coming from Little Miss Play-Upon-the-Edges." -ben

"I'm waiting for you to be done whating." -also ben

"You could have some more caffeine, like Jill here. Look at her: she's tile bouncing." -still ben

"You know what, Jill? I've probably sat in your sex before." -maggie

"Well, at first I thought it was a pink elephant."
"Nah, they mow about 50 feet."
"I was just trying it out. It didn't work." -all gems from Mike Bradford

"Apparently PeePee is better now." -me

"OK. But I'm gonna stop wearing pants." -Don Read

"A little saccharine? That's how I got diabetes-from singing it twice." -howie on the Sound of Music

"You're looking for something sweet and fresh? Have you met Jill?" -stephen

"Does this look gay? Because I'm worried." -matt

"Well the hair only grows so long, but the loneliness." -laura

"I think bisexual exists, but you cheat on somebody." -micah

"Well, you're anticipating booze. Wow." -paul

"You look exhausted right now. Do you need an IV?" -erin

"I don't understand fishing metaphors!!"

2011-01-06T14:24:00.000-08:00

...and everyone knows that sardines are super gross.

-every morning (or early afternoon, don't judge) i walk down the block to St. Mark's. this past week i've loved digging into the snow packed sidewalk heels first to hear the crunch. like my friend bobby mcferrin says, simple pleasures are the best. now that everything is melted, stomped down or iced over, my morning was a bit empty.

-speaking of St. Mark's: the first guy to ever remember my drink perfectly called me "Jane" today. yesterday, too. after five months of calling me by my actual name. (post script: he called me by the right name yesterday.)

-i took a few boxes of winter clothes downtown to hand out to the homeless. in lieu of dropping them off at goodwill or the rescue mission, i went to the park to mingle with the people. i was offered drugs no less than 3 times. my favorite interaction was with a tiny asian man yelling, "What.can.I.have?! What.can.I.have?!" like a shotgun as i put a box on the bench.

-having an argument with an 8-year-old every afternoon about whether or not he has to wear a coat when it's 35 degrees outside is awesome. it's super rad to have that same discussion with a 6-year-old every morning.

-i finally hung up my bookshelves before i went to illinois. i then finally unpacked my books when i came back. half of them are still at poshak's, but of the 12 boxes now shelved, i'm guessing that i've read half of them. re-read 10%. for my own enjoyment, i'm gonna count tonight. i'll post my tally to see how accurate i am. (book counts as follows: on shelves: 574; read: 364/64%; re-read: 105/18%)

-my january is looking uber busy. faceplant next weekend, a play i'm doing the following two, and matt flies in from chicago tonight. he's never been to denver, so we're gonna tour the town all day saturday. and tonight he's invited me to join a "bunch of choir queens" for drinks. woot.

"I think we're just getting used to the crazy."

2010-12-21T13:37:00.000-08:00

"All I really need are wifebeaters."
"So that's a yes to french fries, then?"
"I can figure out how to lick frosting out of a bag on my own, Erin!"
"I don't want to take your dreams away."
"Well, they're just waiting for Jimmy. They know he's here. They're shawshankin' it."
"Something is not right in the world: I am crafting and you are singing a Rod Stewart song!"
"Charlie Brown-he does it for me every time."
"Well cr cuus roo roo can kiss my pale white bleep because she's been to Thailand 3 times this year!"
(all of the above were stated by either me or Edubs in our kitchen on any random night.)

"Then we can all get into ker-kertz together." -Doug on travel plans

"Can we just back the truck up a bit? Erin has a job?" -Jess

"You probably shouldn't treat your parents badly, or steal their money, or be an asshole." -LT on 1 Timothy

"She has PTSD." -LT on pocket full of homies

"That's because your second language is mumbling." -BJ

"I'll have the Chef Special." -Julian

"You're definitely gay, you're straight and single, and you might be a lesbian. You seem like a free spirit. And, well, you're wearing orange pants." -Pete's waitress on our table

"I need you to never say that word again." -Jess on jeggings

"We're playing serious bowling over here in a second." -BJ

"That's what I get for talking to a bleepedy bleepin' Cubs fan right before I throw!" -Tom

"I plan events. Karla plans a life." -Micah

"No, Phill isn't running any gamut-Karla is lapping that track." -me

"If you ever need a lawyer who will do anything out of his basement, I've got a recommendation." -Faith

"It's kinda like a relationship-ups and downs. Sometimes you want to give it up because not every episode is pleasurable." -Laura

"Religious with the earth? Or religious with God?" -Jess

"What do you mean you don't know what Irish Spring soap is?! Don't you wash your balls?" -Gio on Walgreens

and the following were all overheard while watching the eclipse outside The Thin Man:

"Don't look directly at it." (seriously.)
"I have my sunglasses on just in case." (just as seriously.)
"You have about an hour and a half before it de-clipses."
"Am I the only one who did my research?"
"I was on the internet for 5 minutes and I know everything there is to know about the eclipse."
"I am loving hating you right now."
"Eclipse shots!"
"The internet has words."

"It was just like a usual day except there was more food."

2010-12-21T13:31:00.000-08:00

"I thought he died on a Tuesday, actually." -Jacob on MLK

"How much boys, other than your relatives, have you kissed?"

"Elizabeth is more of a fashion-style girl name."

"I'm such a nitwit."
"Oh, you're not a niblet."

"I used to have two teeth that were loose. Now I only have one. Because I brushed 'em good."

"I'd just get him a water."

"What do you want for Christmas?"
"I don't really ask for anything anymore. Christmas is mostly about being with my family."
"No, that's what Thanksgiving is about. That's what I call it."

"It's time to drink drink and smoke smoke 'cuz we gots to go go."

2010-12-14T21:14:00.000-08:00

the title quote comes from "muh brother dug" circa 1998. john fischer, landmark, coffee. yes.

here are three bands to which i've recently been introduced and quickly become enamored by....

Dear Nora, found courtesy of Radio1190:

then Owen, courtesy of emily at St. Mark's:

lastly, Ben Weaver, courtesy of the impeccable taste of Ryan Kulp:

I never knew that Charlie Brown could change a person's entire personality.

2010-12-10T14:08:00.000-08:00

I really don't like Jack Johnson.
When I watch movies of people walking around NYC, just exploring, sitting in coffee shops, sitting in parks...I get inspired to go there, to do that. But when I do it in Denver (nearly a daily occurrence), I just feel lazy and guilty. I miss Chicago lately. When I made my plans to go home for the holidays, I felt ok not including it in my trip. Now I miss it immensely.
It's crazy to me that if you ask someone for directions here, they will most likely have no idea what to tell you. Streets don't run through. Unless you're in the city, you'll get a response similar to, "I'm from up north." What? Denver isn't that big. Chicago is...and if you ask most people anywhere, suburbs or not, they'll be able to tell you.
I can't decide if I should cut my hair again or start growing it out.
Lately, I've realized that I used to write things of substance. Perhaps I'll visit my old blog, import them here and find some inspiration.
No matter where you are in Denver metro, you have a stunning and separately new view of the mountains. I love that.
There are squirrels living in the wall at the head of my bed. My neighbor told me months ago that he can look out his window and see the spot where they get into the eaves, and that he watches them. I didn't think anything of it. Now that it gets colder at night, they are scurrying (that's a delicate word for what they do) about and it TERRIFIES me.
Today I'm wearing a short-sleeved dress. It's still 60 here. In 2 weeks I'll be in Illinois. Not ready for that (my winter coats are still in a box in the basement) quite yet. When I talked to Zane yesterday, he said the words seven degrees, snow, and ice. Yikes. I looked at the 10-day forecast just now. For Monday? Denver: 62; Galesburg: 11. I can feel my nose hairs freezing already.

"Gray her dad today, but she was at the mother with her mom."

2010-12-01T14:49:00.000-08:00

If I was a dude, I think it'd be cool to be a lawyer. Not necessarily for the work, but so that when I introduced myself I could say "Esquire" after my name. Like, "Tom McMahon, Esquire."

Being a lady lawyer, though, the introduction doesn't sound as impressive. "Regina Philange, Lady Esquire." That just sounds like a solicitation.

"I do not doubt that you will say such a thing by the end of the evening."

2010-11-21T14:32:00.000-08:00

"Pee! Bowl! Dance!" -Todd, me, Micah (respectively) on what I like to do in alleys

"Cowboy boots! Sweat pants! Cowboy boots!" -Micah

"I might be drunk, but I still use big words!" -LT

"I KNOW! Right?! Right?"

"That chic must be a sister wife. I don't even know what the eff that is." -Kevin on Dorothy

"Is this appropriate to show my nieces?" -Kevin on photos

"Well, what if they took the picture?"

"I mean, I hope I'm not an airhead. But sometimes I wonder if I should be thinking more." -LT

"I'm sorry, I don't serve that purpose in your life. Call an old girlfriend." -Walter on reliving the past

"Look around and find a hipster. Well, Jill's a hipster." -Robin on skinny jeans

"Cart him around, like an accessory." -Lizzie on artists

"'Cuz it's Friendsgiving." -Kevin on fashion choices

"It would be better warm. But I'm not gonna stop." -Laura on eating

"He sounded about as clear as our President." -LT on State of the Unions

"We're here to help each other through this. Whatever it is."

2010-11-10T22:48:00.000-08:00

When I wrote this, I was speaking very much about other people. Today I'm going to do something I rarely do...write about me. A few weeks ago, I was maintaining. Currently, I am not.

The last few weeks have been rough, health-wise. Another rarely broached topic. In short, I've felt miserable and have been in pain. New pain...in different places...sleeping 14 hours at a time pain. When I saw my chiropractor earlier last week and actually shared (honestly) with him how I was feeling, he asked some pretty pointed questions. We'll get to that. But he also told me to cut out caffeine and sugar. And told me to stop skateboarding.

Let's get this straight: I've gone cold turkey on both caffeine and sugar before. I can do it. At this point in my life, however, americanos and ice cream are two addictions that I cling to and rightfully claim. They are two things that, healthy or not, I run to for comfort...and partially for survival. Grr. Skateboarding? One of the rare instances where I can exercise some sort of control over my physicality, as well as mentally distract myself from all else.

Lest this become a purely angry rant or pity party for things that aren't soon to disappear, I'll move on to the pointed questions. He asked me what I was hiding from. Goosh. Then he told me (he didn't have to ask) why I wasn't accepting all of the peace that GOD offers me, and instructed me to allow more love and life into myself. Easy enough. I'll just have the butler run to the hot air balloon and grab the reserves. Know that I am unable to cast sarcasm aside, try as I might.

I walked around for my requisite 15 minutes of rehab and weights after my adjustment completely lost. How do I allow myself more love and life, when I'm struggling to know what those things even are? Notice I'll be absolutely circumventing the question of hiding. Although after thinking about that for a few days, it came back. Today. In the unlikeliest of places.

Back up a few months. As I was driving back to Denver from Illinois over Labor Day, I first realized this absence of any true knowledge of love. I put on a cd wrought with emotion and connectedness in effort to draw either from myself. Smacked upside the face with the overwhelming sense that a giant piece of the puzzle was not there. While having a full intellectual understanding of unconditional love, I have never truly believed in being worthy of that myself. Wowza. To date, I've only shared that with 2 people-and then still in the stages of tentativeness.

Today I took a walk with a guy I just met a few weeks earlier. We met, at random, to go see The National play in the middle of October. Sharing a string of emails and then a couple of hours filled with great conversation and a fantastic show, we had no shortage of things to discuss. However, he's only in town for a brief bit, visiting before leaving for a indeterminate trip to India.

As we walk today, there was little risk involved in our talk. Barely knowing each other and doubtful to see one another again, questions were brazenly posed and answered with abandon. When it came to these matters of spirituality and love, I was captured unaware with that terrifying catch in my throat. Then it just came out. Here is this virtual stranger, asking just the right questions. And I couldn't hide.

Last night the roommates and I had a discussion besmirching the whole of 2010. Given that I know a number of folks ready to see its termination, I know this is nothing new: but I am ready for it to scoot on out. For me, this year has been rife with the almost. Coulda shoulda wouldas at every turn. Not necessarily failings, just an approximation of things that pretty much nearly just about worked out. Jobs, relationships, realizations....

So as this year closes in, I am armed with an arsenal of things to ponder; there is a struggle unfolding that I'm finally naming and admitting. I've begun to have hope; I know that opening up is the only way out. That enlightenment will be painful, though it is inevitably to be shared, in order to release myself of that injury.

Twenty-ten will soon be making tracks. If it's found not bolting fast enough, I'll ninja kick it on the way out the door. Plus, I'm in a knife gang. I'll cut it.

"Little guy old, little guy old..."

2010-11-01T15:35:00.000-07:00

"I used to think naps were babyish. Now I think naps are good, because you get to sleep in the middle of the day!"

"You kinda look like a rock star in those. Yeah, you look really good in those socks. Like a rockstar. And your hair a little. On the skateboard. Or not riding the skateboard."

"Um, I don't know. Maybe kids playing outside. Or dog poop."

"My grandma and grandpa always speak Spanish, and my parents do sometimes. But I only do a little bit. Because when I was born, they knew I would come out speaking English."

"Your mom has a pretty dog. She must be kinda lucky."

"You know how to say 'corn dog' in Spanish? Corn dog. You know how to say 'hot dog' in Spanish? Hot dog."

"I am not. plain. four."

"Mostly I like to hug my mom because she's warm and she's nice to me."

It makes me look less bald, but makes me look more crazy.

2010-10-29T13:23:00.000-07:00

"But not chickadees. I'm not sure....maybe because they're bouncy?" -steph on the irrational

"Eh-it's just her foot." -steph on 2nd grade injuries

"Look. Right under my big finger. Well, right under the biggest finger that I have." -me on pointing

"And his name is T-Y." -Erin on cute

"My lips itch!"
"I'm so tired!"
"My feet hurt!"
-Jill, Lindsay, and steph on cabrides

"Did anyone else see the pickin' and the diggin' and the eatin'?!" -Erin on neighbors
"Oh, I saw it." -cabbie on same

"Eat local. Steal your neighbor's apples." -Faith on property lines

"The delectable feminine fig." -Anne on harvesting
"You can make a great tart from a fig." -Claudia
"It's not a fig." -Faith on mendicino

"Sleep with a fan? Interested in a sex show? Need 3 blankets and 12 pillows? Every room has something to offer." -Erin on sleepovers at our house

"Once you hit 60, you can start wearing fruit on your pants." -LT on fashion

"That's what Lindsay Tighe says no matter when I see her. 10am? 'I want to go dancing.'" -Micah on legendary nights

"You just got the tip! Just the tip!" -Kevin on Nacho Libre thumbs

"Tall man's coming out!" -Chandra, also on digits

"It's almost too slippery for me." -Kevin on Burt's Bees

"Well, I just got out of the shower. We're trying to wrestle...rustle up...let's round up these cows! There were 136 cows. Yeah, we got like 30 of 'em." -Doug on pitch black farming

"At least you didn't live there. It could be worse." -Random show-goer (let's say Andrew) on Littleton

"Well, there's still time. We've got goods to offer." -me on striking Mumford tickets on CL

"Now, if I didn't ask questions about the things that you say, my perception of your life would be very different." -JRe poking a lamb's breast

"I don't know any kind of music that he makes." -JRe on Dr. Dre

"Well, the kind of music that Debbie listens to...I don't know any of those peoples' names. '...like airplanes in the night sky...I could really use a wish right now....'" -JRe on Alicia

"I'm pretty sure you have the same outfit, too." -Erin on Zack Galifianakis

"No, she thought she was bringing souls home." -Lizzie on the unawares

"You're the closest to the door. Batter up!" -Erin on leases

"It's constantly... I don't want to say, like herding cats. That's become cliche, but it's akin to that. Really, really naughty cats. That don't give a flip. And some of them have emotional problems and then some cats aren't very bright, and some are screaming and yelling all the time and there's some cats that are so bored they're crawling around in the corner and some of the cats are sitting really really still, but I don't have time to pay attention to them....And I'd like to buy another vowel." -Keller on 3rd graders (via voicemail, no less)

"Now my llama nama do; My llama, llama nama see me!"

2010-10-11T14:46:00.000-07:00

turns out, the best night of the summer happened on the first friday of fall. it was ridiculous. it was unexpected. it was legen....

erin went to the rockies' game with seth & crew. jRe drove the rest of us downtown. we walked through Oktoberfest and headed to the back patio at The Gin Mill. it was the usual frat-tastically db crowd (friday night after a game? check.), so we didn't stay long. but enough time to meet some winners (ryan was a regular visitor to our circle) and snap some photos. somehow big bar o' man chocolate and his friends, or jess & chelsa aren't in any of them. boo.

this random fabulous girl with fierce accessorizing skills directed a few group shots. i'm not really sure what we were going for...

cute?

per the ushe, LT's got that on lock.

the rest of us are doing a respectable job.

gold stars all around.

um, sassy, anyone?

everyone but erin has the exact same expression.

(and the girl in the background kinda looks like corwin.)

super nasty sassy? bryn didn't even try. but i'm glad our PBR half-cowboys made it in.

bryn & i might be dancing at this point. steph might be trying to play CONKERS! with me.

after that bidness, we walked down to market street to find us a dance floor. well, let's be honest. we stopped for hot dogs first. they had awesome shirts. check out creeper in the back.

whoop-there he is again. creeper. "Who's hand is that?!"

after the hot dogs, it became a hot mess. the best kind. highlights included a veritable 1st & wads reunion (i saw spencer and matthew browntown!), 2 hours of hardcore dancing with dudes who didn't speak english, ms. pac-man at 2-Fisted Mario's, & a 3 am cabride....all concluding at our place with the hiccups.

this was the kind of night where i stopped several times just to look around at some of my best friends truly enjoying life. to the full. nutballs. giant fans, sticky floors, broken dartboards... wait for it....dary.

"When my heart draws close to the close of autumn, Your love, Your love...abounds."

2010-10-07T22:32:00.000-07:00

as i wrote a bit ago about being grown up enough to truly deal with life alongside people who are having a rough go of it, i attempted to describe this to a friend via text conversation. i doubt i can any better verbalize it through typing a blog, so i'll just copy a few of the text messages here.

the last few days have made the arrival of fall painfully obvious. in both the weather and season of life.

that (this) is true for me. and those around me. hard to succinctly express.

i'm not quite embracing it, but living in it. truly. allowing time to be.

practicing the things i've never lived out before...hard stuff, but it feels right.

i've never liked fall. i've long had friends who have fully relished the coming of change, the ideas of nature mirroring the experiences of our lives. the metaphorical dying to self to allow room for growth and the horizon being full of rebirth. myself, i'd rather everything stay green and lush.

this year, however, has been slightly skewed. as i was taking a walk the other night, i listened to the few leaves that have started to fall as they crunched beneath my footfall. i was, dare i say, excited by the anticipation of what that would sound like. i waited for it. thrilled, even, to be sitting in wait. enjoying the moment, but also surrendering to the possibility of the good that could come from this season.

it's not an easy time for anyone that i've had conversations with these past few weeks. heartbreak abounds. but there is a comfort in knowing that this community will see it through together. that there isn't a silent struggle going on for each individual, but that our lives are interwoven enough to share the harsh realities of what life is handing us.

reading some dorothy parker the other night, i found these quotes apropos...

"We've got better things to think about. Well, we know we're going to be happy. Don't we?"

"There was a silence with things going on inside it."

"C'mon, keep it going...If you love me then I'll love you back."

2010-10-05T12:55:00.000-07:00

(shout out to lish: the blog title is a lyric, and it applies! even if the song is actually some nasty 90s rap...it really does apply, just not in that context. thankyoudrivethru.)

this post is coming at you MDL "cheerios" style. i believe that if i always blogged this way, i'd post waaay (with 3 a's) more frequently. face facts: jill can tell a story. and jill can give some details. banal minutiae? read on.

paul simon has the uncanny ability to always solicit a mood from me. all sorts of them. me likey. funny...i almost listened to Bridge Over Troubled Water last night, skipped it in favor of Science Partner. then Graceland was on at St. Mark's this afternoon. oh, paul.

given that i was a math major, i've recently discovered that a 45% spanish speaking population is nowhere near as intimidating as a 92% spanish speaking population. as my little buddy skippyjon would say, "HOLY GUACAMOLE!" students in grades K-3 have the choice of English or Spanish language instruction, so it's intense to have over half of the students NOT be able to understand what you say to them. needless to say, my intermediate skill is proving useful....but, holy frijoles, doodlepaws! i shall be enrolling in some professional development courses to increase my fluency.

my new school is near The Breakfast King. i'm hoping to convince the novo pharisees to meet there early one day this week. every experience i've had there has been phenomenal. today i was fondly remembering a visit there. tnads, KBX, edubs, gabe & i had been at a show at the gothic. i believe it was Born in the Flood and Meese? definitely Nathan & Stephen. i didn't like them yet. we had seen scott brabson & ian knox there. wearing red stocking caps a la Steve Zissou. after the show the 5 of us crammed into my car and headed up broadway for some Breakfast King....picture it: huddled in a roundish-rectangular booth, surrounded by cheese and grease (both the entrees and the company), quoting random will ferrell. suck it, trebek!, kicking and screaming, harry caray...to the max! a magical night, indeed.

laundry. ugh. i've not done any since i was back home in illinois over labor day. ugh again. since moving to the new place, it's never been a problem to find the machines open. the past 2 days, there's been a backlog of baskets waiting. what? someone had a bona fide little mermaid outfit on a drying rack down there yesterday. for a minute i thought micah was still one of my roommates. weird. considering that the laundry has considerate of your neighbors hours of 10am-10pm, and my standard hours of operation are 10pm-2am, this may be a problem.

it seems to be autumn for everyone....this one may not be a bullet point, but turn into an actual meaty entry. basically, i do not know anyone who is not trudging through some serious stuff right now. not your basic "I'm-stressed-out-life-is-rough-I'm-so-depressed" kind of stuff, either. divorce, miscarriage, moving, adultery, chronic and terminal illness. make or break you deals. i was talking with my friend eric the other day, and it's obvious that this becomes difficult for those of us who aren't experiencing this because we are invested in the lives of those who are. if we love like we profess, want to truly walk out what we claim to believe, to hold dear...then we must walk along the pain, even when we have nothing to say, to add, to pick up....it's oddly freeing to be in this place of constrictions. i don't feel like we're grown-up enough to have to be dealing with these issues, but perhaps it's that we're finally grown-up enough to deal with them.

my car will never be clean. this may seem a bit of an obvious conclusion for those of you who've attempted to ride in my car...well, ever...but i actually washed and cleaned it out this weekend. and it is still disgusting. given my daily commutes and the hours i spend in the trusty civic, i've resigned myself to no longer even operating under the pretense that i intend to change it.

i've been missing my long hair this week. it took 6 months, but i do. however, i think i'll do the hawk one more time before i grow it out to donate again.

the past 2 weeks have found me making regular trips to Second Spin or Twist & Shout to look for music. i've dropped nearly $40 each time. mostly replacing what was stolen, but some recent stuff. i'm currently (and very newly) infatuated with The National. they'll be playing in denver on the 18th, if you're interested...holler. other listenings on heavy rotations: william fitzsimmons, bonnie "prince" billy, architecture in helsinki, eels, paper bird, and magnetic fields.

i ate ice cream for lunch. seriously. oh, you weren't questioning me, were you? don't worry, for dessert i headed to st. mark's for an americano. keepin' it healthy on the regular.

lunchtime found me listening to the back in the day cafe....and it was guud. it took me to Kansas City with my dad yelling random names out the driver's window. then to the beaches of Florida in the back of the '90 Caravan with Fresh...."I've been known to cut a rug." and my midwestern parents response: "You kids are going to get us shot!"

if you're way into these lists, check out some older posts that i'd saved as drafts for a hot minute. they're here and here.

"Yabba Dabba! Yabba Dabba stinky feet!"

2010-09-17T11:40:00.001-07:00

Being that I wasn't around kids much for 3 weeks in August, the pickings are slim. I've just finished 2 weeks of subbing in a contained Challenge Lab, so while there were many things to laugh at, I'm not comfortable posting many of the direct quotes. There's a near promise of hilarity ensuing with my next school adventure, so brace yourself for next month.

"I think the Hunk is kinda babyish." -Jacob, 3rd

"It used to be way worse." -Jacob on a new scar

"Yeah, I can tell. It looks like it was a big scab." -me

"No-I mean it used to be bleeding." -Jacob

"Yeah-I can't argue with my parents for 30 days. AND I have to use my manners. I'm on day 12." -random kid on the playground

"You are a piece of crap." -Josh, 7th

"What did you just say?" -myself and another teacher, simultaneously

"You are a pizza breadstick." -Josh on the rebound

"Existential blad-y bloo. That's totally mine."

2010-09-15T16:37:00.000-07:00

"You don't have any Boohbahs? How can you not have any Boohbahs? And now she has 2 Boohbahs?" -Smiley on bedtime

"You have the longest thumbs I've ever seen on anybody in my entire life." -Mel on Conkers

"Now I'm really confused. There's a cat and then there's the Shaggin' Wagon? These are 2 separate things?" -Edub on ridiculous porch situations

"I would eat off of this sidewalk before I would eat off of that carpet." -E on 2101

"And that's what's called the 'one more thing'."-JRe on bad days

"I gotta get my little finger back in." -JRe on Conkers

"There's a tater tot inside of you. How could that be a problem?" -Tony on The Atlantic

"...not as dry as you remember." -Nate Budde on tag lines

"Steal a cab-we'll never get pulled over again." -Sherwood on Wednesdays

"That is the greatest idea I've ever heard." -David Bradford on seriousness

"No way dude! How long have you been breakdancing?!"

"Oh, man....a couple days." -Random 'Hug the Right!' Knox hipsters

"Well, Jill, I got your water. It's down here at the end of the table. But it looks like you've got 2 balls to worry about." -David on the fooz

"That's what she said." -me, ftw

"I've gotta be honest. You have a crazy memory. But the only thing I remember from my time in Colorado is that 180 days." -David on differences

"That's like national news." -me on Blago

"No, that's like National Lampoon's." -MB

"So you're basically saying that geography is more important than people." -Tnads on Chicago

"Yeah, I never really understood riding bikes." -Amber on herself

"Look-he wears his pants just like you: super short, super tight, pin striped, carabiner with keys." -Erin on Poker Face

"Thank you for helping me relive my pain." -Richard on Poker Face

"Nope. Stop it. You cannot talk during his performance. I'm waiting for him to shake his tiny little man hips." -Erin, still on Poker Face

"I'm just not sure if he's pervy-sketchy-crazy or I-really-like-my-van-quirky." -Edubs on T-Y

"Then he reached the hill and the little dogs were zoop-zoop-zoop...so he gave them a courtesy pedal." -Erin on the bike Marshall

"It'll sound egotistical coming from me, but you're legit." -Chunky on Wyclef

"I just need cute neighbor boy to come on home." -me on Bud

"Why do I always feel like I'm missing the joke or the story with you?" -Erin

"Well, thank goodness for Barnes & Noble." -JRe on garage sales

"Note to self: no melted dairy products near the nasal passages when there may be ninja kicking and party-boying." -me on the inevitable

"I need more cars to high-five." -Edubs on 13th

"You might not have noticed me, but I was there. I saw you touch yourself. Several times, Jill." -Tony on karaoke

Martyrs and Thieves

2010-09-05T17:59:00.000-07:00

if you wanted to listen to the lyrics i've posted in the entry below, this one is quite nice. notice the lovely Amy Courts harmonizing. she's pretty. and special. pretty special, really.

"Thou mine inheritance now and always...Thou and Thou only, first in my heart."

2010-09-05T17:03:00.000-07:00

The last few weeks have been rough. Sunday before last I was in the thick of what I've come to call "maintaining" after three hectic weeks of uncertainty.

Blended with family and out of town visitors, all of it added up to Jill not getting enough alone time. I spent so many weeks compressing that I wasn't sure what would happen once I had the time to expand and travel unbridled (let alone sit) with my thoughts. In all honesty, I still don't.

What I do know is that I've spent many hours in the car with music. Generally, it's unlikely that I'll listen to the same stuff within the same week, let alone the same day. The past 4 days I've had the same handful of artists and albums on repeat: both in my head and through the speakers. Whether it's my own attempt at self-preservation and comfort, or my own self-destruction putting salve on open wounds...not sure. Definite toss-up. But there are 2 songs, specifically, that ring with an intensity that shouldn't be ignored. So I'mma share a bit in hopes that you'll need this, that you'll hear it, that you'll use it...however that happens.

SO....2 Sundays back. My parents had just left town, I had been frantically trying to rearrange my physical life with 2 days of garage sale and failed attempts at organizing my new living space. I've been "dating" a new church, hadn't been in engaged in bona fide (larger) community for a few. Constant struggles for me: to engage and to be on time. This particular day was no different, so I'm hoping to make the last set of music Sunday night to say goodbye to the biker boys before they were off to Kansas for the school year. While I missed the boys, I did engage. In a completely unexpected way.

There were 4 songs played. The first 2 I'd never heard. But incredibly moving lyrics about coming home, going against the tide and being broken and then renewed by what you've always known. Third song starts. I sit against the wall in the back and simply listen.

It was honesty time. My prayer was earnest and my prayer was tied up in so much confusion, I didn't pull any punches. Simple language. "The word we study should be the word we pray." So I started with Mark 9:24, "I believe. Help my disbelief." Fairly simple, and I've been focusing on this verse for virtually all summer. With my analytical tendencies, it comes up often.

My honesty time became very blunt after that. I'm not one to press God or pray super specifically for myself, so it was an uncomfortable place to be. For about 3 seconds. Then it just came out. Essentially, I asked simply that GOD would make it clear if I needed to deal with my head or my heart first.

"Hey God, which thing do you want me to get right here?" (obviously, the answer is head. work out all of the ways that you can box me up, jill. that's what i want. i'd like you to try to figure me out. ) "God, I don't even know where home is anymore. How can I logically negotiate that?"

Cue the final song. I can't see the screen, but I hear the opening notes and can only laugh through my tears. Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart...Heart of my own heart, whatever befall. (if you don't know this hymn, check out Ginny Owens' version. oh yeah, and she's blind. so that makes it more awesome. oof.)

I'm not saying that I've fully gotten my heart (or my head) where they need to be, but I know that GOD is working that out. Slowly, perhaps...but only because of my resistance, I'm sure. After 24ish hours in the car and listening to every Jennifer Knapp album (Kansas and The Way I Am twice each), another song hit me right where it hurts. I'm posting the lyrics with no commentary. Those of you that know me will see those shiny spots. If not, you'll see what you need to identify with...the ugly kind of good.

There's a place in the darkness that I used to cling to

That presses harsh hope against time

So I turn on the light and reveal all the glory

I am not afraid to bear all my weakness

Knowing in meekness I have a kingdom to gain

Where there is peace and love in the light

I am not afraid

To let your light shine bright in my life

There are ghosts from my past

Who have owned more of my soul

Than I thought I had given away

They linger in closets and under my bed

And in pictures less proudly displayed

A great fool in my life I have been

Have squandered till pallid and thin

Hung my head in shame and refused to take blame

For the darkness I know I've let win

Well, I've never been much for the baring of soul

In the presence of any man

I'd rather keep myself all safe and secure

In the arms of a sinner I am

Could it be that my worth could depend

By the crimson stained grace on a hand

And like a lamp on a hill, Lord, I pray in your will

To reveal all of you that I can

Noise Floor Spot on Born In The Flood

2010-08-18T14:52:00.000-07:00

Born In The Flood "End Of Me"

2010-08-18T14:50:00.000-07:00

"Oh, he can hear me."

2010-08-17T13:12:00.001-07:00

"I think it was, like, the end of creation and God was like, 'Let's stick parts of these 3 animals together.' Front-back-middle-Platypus!" -JRe on water mammals

"At least I have my modesty panel. No one wants to see 61-year-old boobs."-Mom Keller on wedding attire

"Let's be honest: people like you." -Jessica on job interviews

"You know you like to crush the nutballs." -Dave on Camels

"Yeah, my name's Josh. Look at my shoes, of course my name is Josh." -Riley on Wrouley

"Richard Tate. I went to school with him." -Joe on Lil' Rascal jokes

"There are so many reasons why we are not doctors." -Jess on forceps/triceps

"Yeah, they usually have convenience stores in city parks. 7-11, probably." -Mel on water

"Skinny jeans. Bigger man." -LT on hipster rollerblading

"Are you calling me on purpose?" -Manderson on Monday afternoon randomness

"Maybe he doesn't believe what he sees." -Mel on flirtatious eye contact

Chart the journey that Balboa took...

2010-08-17T12:47:00.000-07:00

(i usually enjoy the out-of-context quote list, but the exchange(s) had with my new friend olivia and the interior monologue that i had on loop that day were too irresistible to NOT post. i'm fully realizing that karma is a comedienne.)

"I don't think anyone can do that right now. Maybe in a long time-like 6 or 7 thousand years. And probably not a person; maybe a machine will be able to figure that out." -Jacob, 8, on fortune telling

"I think both styles of your hair are actually kinda funky." -Jacob on hawk vs. not

"Where's your mom?" -Olivia, 5, sitting behind me on a rafting trip (read: total stranger)
"In Illinois." -me
"Where's your dad?"
"Illinois."
"Why are you alone? How are you doing all by yourself?" (how much time do you have, kid?)
"Because I'm a big kid. I'm an adult."
"No, you're not!" (it's one thing to be questioned or carded by an adult...but a 5-year-old?)
~approximately 20 minutes later~
"Are you a boy or a girl?" (actually, i'm a lesbian. so i'm kinda both. negotiate that! any more questions?)

"So get the crust out." -Jacob on splinters and Chaco foot

"It's none of your business. None of your grown-up business. It's really no grown-up business. It's more me and Mattias' business. I might actually get expelled. Well, in 8th grade. Maybe I shouldn't say this out loud. I might forget about it." -Jacob on $10 and where he got it

"I'm not cool. I don't want to be. It's torture. Then it just makes you popular. Popular is more torture." -Jacob responding to me including him in a group of "cool" people

Just a friendly reminder: Punctuation exists and can be your friend.

2010-08-03T13:38:00.000-07:00

Possibly the quickest turnaround for the quote blog...but Maggie came to town for our birthdays and the Cubs series, so most of these come from the walk to Coors Field, the stands, the Rockpile, or driving down Colfax in my trusty '96 Honda. As I drove home last night, the corner of 22nd & Blake seemed mighty different.

"Tanks for Jesus? That's our new band name." -JRe on my mumbly singing

"Arthur Ashe? I'm pretty sure that's a tennis player." -Jess on the Hash twins
"And he's black." -Jill

"In my mind, it's pretty straight. And it also looks like a pig." -Jessica on the US/Canadian border
(insert my bewildered & incredulous facial expressions)
"I'm sorry, did I say that out loud? I've never told anyone that I thought that." -Jess

"No, you mean you're different." -Maggie on judging

"I'm gonna be straight up with you. I know more about the world than he does." -a Beekman truth joke

"I'm just looking for some guud times." -Maggie on team loyalty (how dare she?)

"It's like a beat up FORD..." -Maggie on my ill-working power locks
"It's a Honda and you know that." -me

"Well, it's got to be some kind of conviction. Religious or prison, it's something." -Maggie on life choices

"There are radishes and there are nipples." -Rachel Lee on madlibs

"This gentleman getting into this cab right here just came up with the greatest porn site ever: White Belt Black Ass." -AndrewN (yup, i saw him again)

"Get off my nuts about the water." -Maggie on hydration

"I'll punch her. I'll boob punch her. Because I'm allowed to." -Micah on sisters

"Do you want me to go over there and take care of those lesbians with the horn?" -me on the viivvvvooosoccer things

"See. Butt sex. Not that bad." -Micah on OCD

"Super sweet goat....what's that about?" -Lowedown on texts

"People from Illinois-we're all assholes." -Jaci on the 309 (holler. i'll claim it.)

"How long will British Jill be with us?" -Maggie on annoyance

"I'd take some undercarriage. Right now it's all crotch." -Micah on 92 degrees and metal

"Here's the thing: That's something I don't care about." -JRe on innings

"Unacceptable. UN-Acceptable! UNACCEPTABLE!" -Micah on Cubs fans & Steve Goodman

"If there's one thing I've learned, you take a knee when a player gets hurt.!" -Micah on Fowler

"You can't talk that loud. This thing goes way back." -Jim on Micah's rage

"Better than no boyfriend at all. Of all the guys you had to pick." -Maggie on TYB & CFU

"I go home every 4 months. For beer." -new friend Krista on New Glarus

"After 34 years, you'd think I wouldn't be so surprised by this." -me on game 3
"That you lost?" -Micah
"Now, how it makes me feel."

"If something feel good, go ahead and indulge." -Kari on wobbly extension

"Squirrels kinda scare me, because I don't want the rabies."

2010-08-02T09:10:00.000-07:00

"Why does the English language have to be so daft? Yes, English is a daft language, if you haven't noticed in your 31 years." -Jacob, now 8 (obviously)

"Tiger Woods is a terrible person."

"Seven?! Seven at the morning?!"

"No, they have pretty good blood pressure, so they want to keep it."

"Bill Gates invented the iPad. He is one of the richest guys in the world. Yeah, it's him and this other guy switching places for the richest. Do you think he gets paid $1,000 sometimes? For his really good decisions?"

"I can't really remember. My mind isn't really letting me know. " -Maria, 4

"Repertoire." -Maria, still just 4

"HEY! This makes my hipcock look normal."

2010-07-27T14:43:00.000-07:00

this round of quotes is fairly inappropriate. i cleaned up what i could, left some out...but some are just to flippin' funny to keep from the fans. it should be said that i've been wicked busy, moved since i last typed, and there is mucho seriouso going on in the brain, the conversations, and many of my peoples have rough lives right now....so the laughter has been fueled by the actual insanity of lives, mine and others....and very therapeutic. if you're easily offended by junior high humor, please skip to the kid quote blog.

"Or a Dance Dance Revolution pad, yes." -LT on bike storage/the reading nook/the scaring spot

"I don't care if there are midgets jumping over rainbows on them, I'm not wearing shorts." -Edubs on Elitches

"You do Kevin all the time?" -Jill on impressions
"That's because he's so easy." -Erin
(ridiculous amounts of laughter)
"This better go in the quote book."-Erin
(again with the laughing....throughout)
"I want to see Jill do me." -Erin
"I do you all the time."-Jill
"Excellent." -Erin

"Geothermal Farrell. It's funny what they think is funny." -JRe on Greensburg

"Turbation. Could you please ask Erin to define that and get back to me?" -Jess

"It was in my little hidey hole." -Jessica on spare keys

"Um....you just said 'vagina' and 'penis chuck'..." -JRe on the line
"Pee chute?" -Spud mishearing

"What is going on with all of these 'hidey holes'?" -Erin misses the joke (or rather, makes it.)

"Of course he's going to Lillith Fair. He's gonna have a picnic blanket and read the latest Anita Shreve book." -Erin on masculinity

"I've done it in a line a lot." -Jill on the laughing game

"I liked doin' the three." -Anna on Consequences

"What's happening? What's that snapping noise?" -Jill on water bottles
"Your brain? Synapses misfiring?" -Whit

"I can't believe you found another TOM!" -Erin on Kevin

"Yeah. That does not sound like a bunch of noise to me." -Kevin on Larimer Lounge

"Sometimes when I'm having a bad day, I go to Wal-Mart so I can feel pretty." -steph on the meatstick

"But, it's like, why are you bringing God into this?!" -Jess on Galatians 2:17

"So three things: no idols, don't eat bloody meat, and keep your sexy time clean." -Jill on Acts 21

"If they were one person, they'd be, like, my best friend. Of all time." -AndrewX on marrieds

"How dare you call out a hipster and then pull an iPhone out of your pocket? How's that application workin' for ya?" -AndrewN on Ben

"Are they like identical twins or something?!"

2010-07-20T14:56:00.000-07:00

around a month ago, i was having some moments. so i did one of the 2 things i generally do when i need to sort myself and my headspace out: i went to stella's with a book to dissappear for a few hours. it was a glorious beginning of summer colorado evening. there weren't many db teenagers milling about AND my favorite reading corner was wide open. Yahtzee!

however, there was (what quickly became apparent as) a couple on first date at the nearest table. it became evident shortly thereafter that they had met via the interwebs. let's get this straight: i was trying to read. i'm deaf in one ear and the other one doesn't work so hotsy totsy most of the time. so these folks were talking rather loudly.

i spent a good 45 minutes tuning them out, but some of their conversation was irresistable. i went from annoyed at their volume to intrigued by their stories...they covered a plethora of heavy material. they attempted to wrap it up and say goodbye several times, but they just couldn't get enough of one another's company (did i mention that she sounded to be a pretty strict feminist and he thinks that the woman should stay at home birthin' babies? intense. just to paint the scene a bit further for you, dear reader, the dude had long-ish dark hair, glasses, and could potentially play D & D in his spare time...and the girl had long red hair and an ample backside....in my head [if we're playing the JRe judging game] she might crochet and have a lot of cats.)

here we have a special edition, if you will, of the quote blog....eavesdropping on random strangers style. at this point the conversation becomes so ridiculously entertaining that i did, in fact, scribble notes on the title pages of my book. yup, that good (them)....eeerrr, that pathetic (me).

Dude: If you smoked too much marijuana....Well, it's not that toxic. With alcohol or heroin you could....You picked a good drug to overdose on. Pot's not lethal. Everything in moderation-even moderation. It's a slippery slope. I'm trying to decide if I'm going to renew my vow to be sober. I think I'm growing out of it. ....(long pause)...

I'm kind of embarrassed now. All of a sudden. I'm not sure why.

Girl: Don't worry. I'm not really that judgemental. ....(another long pause)

We should go.

(random talk from both parties about when it would be appropriate to see each other again.)

Girl: I think you're trying to stick to the 3-day rule...but you don't really want to.
Dude: I would love to see you tomorrow.
Girl: I think 2 days is good.
Dude: As they say in Pulp Fiction, "That's when you know you've found somebody really special: you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably share silence."
Girl: Not to sound like a crazy Tarantino fan...
Dude: Jackie Brown is my favorite.

"Yes, there are places left in the world where people are named Penelope!"

2010-06-22T21:45:00.000-07:00

(i was recently told that my last quote entries weren't "that funny". that said, i'm bringing it anyhooze. also, as school is out-for-summer, the kid quotes will be fewer and mostly from the ones that i nanny or highpoint kids. still gold, though. still gold. enjoy.)

"I have a terrible sense of remembrance." -Jacob, age 7

"Is that enough 'creatures'?" -Sophie, age 18, on Mary Shelley

"C'mon, people! Are you serious here?!?"- Jacob on InTouch magazine (which he shamefully found in my backseat)
"...it's like a marriage magazine." -after I questioned what he was reading

"What's the big deal of college anyways?" -Jacob
"What do you think is the big deal? the point?" -me
"Tests. Tests. Teeeests." -Jacob

"Why do people pay taxes? I mean, how do they pay them?" -Jacob
"Blah blah blah..." -my explanation, paraphrased
"Never mind for the whole 'paying tax thing'." -Jacob's reaction to that business

" I like Rock Obama." -Maria, age 4
"What do you like about him?" -me
"I like his handsome hair."

"Jill Bradford is interrupting me listening to Kurt. Hey Kurt, what's that thing that I'm never supposed to forget?" -Stefan, age 18

"Michael just laughs at everything Jill says." -Stefan
"Just say his name. Just say his name." -Brian, age 17

"You 2 are like a married black couple." -Michael, age 17

"I've never plucked a rooster and I'm not too good at ping pong...."

2010-06-22T16:17:00.000-07:00

"I think in the wintertime she can get pale...but I think that's all white people." -Kris on Emily

"Barometric pressure is a bitch." -steph on allergies and canals

"So, does God have different standards for..." "....jungle people?" -JRe and me figuring out the book of Acts (as you can tell, we're pretty adept at it.)

"It says somewhere in the Bible, or maybe the Mormon bible, at this point I don't even care..."-Jess on predestination and free will (one of our favorites)

"A little nook? Oh, a little nooky in the master bedroom." -Michelle on house hunting

"Welcome to my life. Can I just look at it and play with it a little bit, but I don't want to lead you on. This isn't going anywhere." -Erin on house hunting, as well

"I'm Tim Gunnin' this b!t@h!" -me on making bathrooms work

"Is there an outlet up here for my blender? Alright, extension cord it is." -Edubs on rooftop sunbathing

"We got Fatty McGee over here. Yeah, he watches the Food Network with his hands down his pants." -Erin on potential neighbor guy
"Whatever, I'm not training for the Olympics!" -me
"Well, at least he's not a crackhead." -Erin comparing potential neighbors

"Just drive down Delaware and look for the ugliest house on the block. That's where I live."

"Rain simplifies your life by eliminating your options." -Garrison Keillor

"I'm not even gettin' in the water. That's what lifeguards are for." -Erin on kids

"STOP YOUR MOUTH!" -Jess on 'Left Lane Must Turn Left' signs on 72, me driving and making jokes

"Girl Scouts like gays." -Tate on San Francisco

"Are you sure it's not a Catholic church?" -Sloan on smokers

"I know that Jesus loves the little children, but when you get older, He's pissed." -John on theology

"If you let people in a little bit, they can be pretty damn amazing."

2010-06-21T23:56:00.000-07:00

i've been rediscovering my love for the indigo girls. tonight the album Swamp Ophelia, specifically a song called "Dead Man's Hill," speaks to why i haven't blogged much lately. i have journaled little snippets, but nothing has poured out here...or in many full blown real-life conversations, if we're being completely honest.

don't you write it down
remember this in your head
don't take a picture
remember this in your heart
don't leave a message
talk to me face to face

(if you're one of my "readers" who is into live footage of music {or your name is Steph or Alicia}, check out this youtube link of the early 90s girls {who can resist bad fashion and lesbian hair, seriously? plaid and feathered mullets, people. i'm going straight to hell. and i just realized that my hair currently resembles amy's in this video. geezalou.}. and don't miss that sweet blow-organ. nice)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5GCdYsc1tY

so there's that. or there's the even more honest truth: jill has a tough time being real and vulnerable. err derrr. authentic? yes. blunt? absolutely. bold? assuredly. down and dirty when it comes to actual emotions? not so much. a few weeks ago, i was consciously NOT calling my parents or kevin, because they'd ask me questions. and they know me. and i didn't want to deal with that.

then i had an 2 unexpected conversations with alish and jre, and things started to unfold in a "new" way. nothing's actually new, i'm just re-learning and re-realizing a bunch of junk about myself. so that's awesome. which brings us to my dearest friend, sarcasm.

i'm trying to figure out why it's so easy for me to be honest and messy with strangers, but not with those that i have established relationships. sincerely. essentially, i'm processing a bunch of stuff. and i'm dealing, which i'm good at deferring....i love that i have friends to keep me accountable and that take me to task on my twaddle.

there will be more, but i'll bullet a few highlights:

i've fully embraced a prayer to have GOD bring me to the bottom of everything so that we can start rebuilding. i don't know that i've ever before been ready to be turned upside down the way i'm now trusting and expecting His faithfulness on this. when you challenge GOD, He'll answer big. scared o' that, but in a supremely peaceful way.
church has long been a word filled with disappointment and hopelessness for me. that said, i think i've found one that might redeem that for me.
operation-lindsay-erin-and-jill-live-downtown is sooo with 3 o's close.
i auditioned for a show last week. AND GOT CAST. but had to turn it down due to a scheduling conflict.
some out-of-towners that i love dearly (of both the friend and family feather) are visiting for the next 2 weeks, and some potential positive processing is plainly on the periphery.

finally, i've recently finished a phenomenal book. this post's title quote is from Arnold Spirit, who comes to us through the gifted writing of Sherman Alexie...ringing true and expressly apropos, i'll repeat it..."If you let people in a little bit, they can be pretty damn amazing."

"Let's be honest, Jill would recycle a used napkin if you'd let her."

2010-06-10T16:32:00.000-07:00

quite some time back (uuum, may the 6th to be exact, according to the journal entry) i decided that i would steal nicole's idea. she posts "Random" lists in lieu of a full blog entry, and i thought this might help me get over my not wanting to write/not prepared to share phase. false. all i did was begin compiling little random lists in even more random places. over a month later, i am looking at these hash marked scraps of paper wondering what i meant when i originally wrote them....others i remember vividly and have been thinking all the more about them. so we'll see what comes out. geez a lou.

i used to despise aspen trees. now i not only enjoy them, i delight in them.
my fantasy band is named Foghorn Leghorn. in it, i play the banjo. we do shows at the Grizzly Rose.
there is no feeling as melancholy and indescribable as finishing a good book.
it bugs me that i didn't appreciate living in a commuter city when i lived in one, given as much as i miss that vibe now that i don't. i've become such a driver that i frustrate myself.
billie joe armstrong is one cool cat. KERPLUNK! has always been my favorite Green Day album, but i've put it back into heavy rotation lately. then i heard him on Fresh Air with Terry Gross and figured out that i always want to be a scene kid. and would love it if i met my husband by a dumpster outside of the (insert bar here).
seeing The Tallest Man on Earth open for Nathaniel Rateliff at the Bluebird last month was superb. it reminded me of everything i love about live music, about any music. mostly i revel in the experience...shows being, at once, both wholly communal and completely individual an occurrence. somehow, among the expected and even the surprises, i am always caught off guard. that's guud stuff right there.
i love "p" words. always have. lately they've popped up everywhere: proclivity, purloined, perplexed...i need to utilize (uuh, practice?) them in conversation.
red ants still freak my freak. after the beachfront path experience in South Carolina in 2006, i haven't seen them often. but, when i do...man, oh man.
i've found myself revisiting old places of importance.
i'm learning how to navigate using a language that was taught to me (in earnest) by a church i no longer see fruit from....that separation used to be hard, now i just know that it's time. i mean, read the first part of that. how could i begin to justify staying? tried that before.
Bon Jovi, Steven Tyler and Mick Jagger are not the same person. nor are they in the same band. just a friendly reminder.
i did a day of silence back in april. i'm feeling it's high time to do that again.
hearing any southern rock or bob seger makes me miss my dad. and want to be at a bradford family wedding reception.
sitting in st. mark's as i write this, i notice a heart above the counter. lots of little intricacies that i didn't notice when i was here for the first time, on a first date (gack!), back in december.
lately i've dug some lenka, soul coughing and frank turner for my eers. check them out.

"At This Point in My Life" -Tracy Chapman

2010-05-29T12:59:00.000-07:00

Done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right
Oh I, Oh I've
Done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right

At this point in my life
I've done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right
If you put your trust in me I hope I won't let you down
If you give me a chance I'll try

You see it's been a hard road the road I'm traveling on
And if I take your hand I might lead you down the path to ruin
I've had a hard life I'm just saying it so you'll understand
That right now, right now, I'm doing the best I can
At this point in my life

At this point in my life
Although I've mostly walked in the shadows
I'm still searching for the light
Won't you put your faith in me
We both know that's what matters
If you give me a chance I'll try

You see I've been climbing stairs but mostly stumbling down
I've been reaching high always losing ground
You see I've been reaching high but always losing ground
You see I've conquered hills but I still have mountains to climb
And right now right now I'm doing the best I can
At this point in my life

Before we take a step
Before we walk down that path
Before I make any promises
Before you have regrets
Before we talk commitment
Let me tell you of my past
All I've seen and all I've done
The things I'd like to forget
At this point in my life

At this point in my life
I'd like to live as if only love mattered
As if redemption was in sight
As if the search to live honestly
Is all that anyone needs
No matter if you find it

You see when I've touched the sky
The earth's gravity has pulled me down
But now I've reconciled that in this world
Birds and angels get the wings to fly
If you can believe in this heart of mine
If you can give it a try
Then I'll reach inside and find and give you
All the sweetness that I have
At this point in my life

"It feels fuzzy. Like a squirrel."

2010-04-22T16:01:00.000-07:00

"Buying red shoes is not a sickness. Scarlett fever is a sickness." -Jacob, 2nd
"Pneumonia is a sickness." -Maria, age 4

"I'm 11. So I have the right to tell people to shut up." -Dorrian, 5th

"John Elway is still living, so he is not dead." -Julian, 4th

"Well, we're still hungry, too. Just because you're pregnant you don't get to each lunch twice." -George, 1st

"That just looks like yoga to me." -Lucy, age 5

"Don't copy mines! You can't have mines."
"...the midget...uh, the little guy, for yous to be happy." -Alex, 5th

"You better watch it. You're on my adult blog."

2010-04-22T15:24:00.000-07:00

The title quote comes from Steph and a conversation that took place before heading to the hi-dive almost two months ago. I've been slacking on the blog, and even more so on carrying the book with me wherein I notate such gems. Unfortunately for you, my wide readership, you'll have to do with the few I've posted below. Obviously I have many more (tap tap) "in my head". Life has been exceedingly busy and equally spectacular the last few months...feel free to ask for your own live version of insipid. I'll happily talk about the shows seen, the skateboarding done, the prom dresses worn, the hair clapped and the biker clapping, the robberies witnessed, the poems processed...you get the idea. all true stories, all the time...

"Are you writing this in a textbook?" -Kris on my inquisitiveness

"Why is there a 'y' and a 'w' in the same word?!" -Jessica on yellow

"I'm done with this Indian horseshit for a while." -Edubs on 3rd world travel

"Point one for whitey." -Erin on the plane

"Your embarrassment is only my personal delight." -Jessica on my story (any given, actually)

"Great! They have me on camera reading a Justin Beiber magazine!" -JRe on 7-11

"An old piece of bacon never eaten by Elvis...."

2010-03-26T17:53:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling very unsettled lately. That has taken many forms, and I'm still deciphering it. It's varied the last week from anticipatory excitement to ugly-cry confusion, but it's led me to believe that GOD has something big in store for the next few bits of time. If you're into prayer, I'd appreciate some serious intercession. If you're into music, you should familiarize yourself with Rufus Wainwright. There's a Rufus for every season. I've been listening to Want One the last few days, and aside from laying down the soundtrack for some serious shower dancing, it's put a finger on some of my enigmatic feelings as well.

I don't know what it is
But you got to do it
I don't know where to go
But you got to be there
I don't know where to fall
But I know that its comfortable where
I don't know where it is

Putting all of my time
In learning to care
And a bucket of rhymes
I threw up somewhere
Want a locket of who
Made me lose my perfunctory view
Of all that is around
And of all that I do

So I knock on the door
Take a step that is new
Never been here before
Is there anyone else here too
In love with beauty
Playing all of the games
Who thinks three's company
Is there anyone else who wears slightly mysterious brusies
I don't know what it is

Take a lookin around
At friendly faces
All declaring a war on far off places
Is there anyone else who is through with
complaining about what's done unto us

So I knock on the door
And I am on a train
Going god knows where to
To get me over
To get me over

Give me heaven or hell
Calais or Dover

I was hoping the train
Was my big number
Stopping in Santa Fe and the Atchison-Topeka
Though I'm chugging along, put away by the crossing hand
We'll be heading for Portland, or Limburgh or Lower Manhattan
Find myself running around

I don't know what it is so get me over
I don't know what it is so get me over
I don't know what it is so get me over
To get me over
You gotta do it.
You gotta be there.

"Maybe that's God's way of saying, 'Not today, Jill, not today.'."

2010-03-26T15:26:00.000-07:00

Realizing that it's nearly the end of March, I'm backing up to say that I had a nutball crazy February. It was eventful, and I spent over half of the month out of town. One of those adventures took me to Haviland, Kansas to visit the Hinshaw family. Donnie was the junior high youth pastor at 4Cs when I first moved to Colorado. For the better part of 4 years, a group of us volunteered together and worked at the church. It was a seriously magical and powerful time. Donnie's wife, Rhonda, is incredible. She embodies the Proverbs 31 woman. The Hinshaws continue to be a giant influence on my life. (Did I mention that they have 4 beautiful children that I love dearly? We'll get to that.)

Twelve of us left Arvada for Haviland...a combination of leaders and students, friends old and new. We hung out and caught up on life, worshipped with Phil Wickham, ate Mexican food (yup, in Kansas), hung out some more, shot a bunch of guns, played carpetball and that dumb pool table game (that I actually like now), and then hung out some more. In a combination slide show insipid quote list, I give you the highlights...

First stop: Genoa, CO. In my quest to see all things superlative, we are drawn to the "Wonder Tower", where we are promised a view of 6 STATES! As you can see, it was a wondrous tower. It was also closed. Boo. However, the 12 blocks of Genoa and it's amazing dirt roads gave us some entertainment regardless. C'mon, it's Jill, JRe and JigglyPuff. Of course it's a hoot and a holler.

"I feel like the Boxcar Children are about to hop out." -JRe on Genoa
"That sign might have been worth it." -JRe on the uber-dangerous traffic

After crossing the state line, we venture into Goodland, KS to see "The World's Largest Easel". In fact, it's only the state's largest easel, as the Canadian creator of this 768 square foot masterpiece is on a quest to replicate all 7 of Picasso's sunflower paintings and put them on every continent. Seriously. The easel itself is 80 feet tall.

That's me posing in front. For a little perspective action, here's JigglyPuff:

Possibly the most hilarious part of the trip, for me, takes place during these next 15 minutes. First, we're stopping in Kansas to take pictures of an oversized painting. With JigglyPuff. That's enough to rouse a nice bout of laughter from me. Then the Rotary Club has a sign in sheet for the visitors...I, of course, make a Dumb & Dumber reference by signing "Kansas, you've TOTALLY redeemed yourself!" right under a guy that passed along a real gem of advice, "Smoke weed or die".

Next, we honestly could not have chosen the neighboring shops of said easel to create a better story, so I'll let the pictures (and our faces in them) do the talking.

"I'll take the picture from back here. I don't want you to get chopped up. Or them to think you're mocking them. -JRe on Bubba's
"But I am." -me on the ever obvious

"Who'da thought all of this would be in the same area?" -me on the hot mess
"It's a gift. Like Christmas." -Jess
"In April....Except it's February." -me

Once we got to Haviland, JRe discovered she had a new talent and a new love. The talent being throwing clay pigeons for shooting and the love being the Gagers.

"First we shoot like this. Then we shoot from the hip like this."
"Why can't I cry? What if my bone's broke?" -BarryRay
"You don't even know what could've pooped right there." -Jess to Ben on snow

"You aren't a very good liberal." -Andy on Jill and guns

"There aren't any peachers there." -Leighton on going to the country

Cute kid, huh? Darnell, Lantern...my first baby friend. He plays the harmonica.

Lauren and Lillian. Tons of super fun memories of these pretty Pony ladies...we played waaay too many hours of Memory, read hundreds of books, had water balloon fights and laughfests aplenty. Somehow they'll always be 6 and 10 to me. (Good thing Jess and I are willing to stay immature just for memories' sake.)

"Oh. Mountain people." -random dude at Barclay (note the plaid and stocking hats)

"Or you could go to Belvidere." -Rhonda on our directional aptitude
"You just ruined worship for me." -Donald on melons
"My sister probably keeps a lot of games from me." -JRe on Micah
"Jill's always the last woman standing." -BKainz on late nights
"It's because I'm lost." -JRe on Uturns
"Wow. It's so sexy. Like bra sizes." -JRe on Kansas' highway abbreviations
"I am. I'm allergic to love." -Jess on Ollie
"I don't know. Hopefully he's dying." -Donnie on limping

"He paints little Mexican homeys."

2010-03-04T15:45:00.000-08:00

(the adult version...back by my own popular demand)

"You're kinda hilarious, turns out." -Derek on the obvious

"I feel like there's a lot of skipping around involved. And I just ate too many pancakes." -LT on hyper heidi

"A + B = C....something something algebra." -Justin on Jesus

"No blue for you, babycakes." -Uncle Duey on bar soap

"This is your one chance at greatness, Jill." -Doug on 15ball
"Like taking candy from a baby." -Doug on the same

"Well, there is a chance he doesn't think it's completely weird." -Adam on jumping in the pool

"You don't really have a choice." -Grandma on being 92

"Please don't say that. I'm gonna start having flashbacks." -Jill on 'common sense'

"I'm glad that part's over." -Duey on Monday

"I don't know, but it's a word I'm gonna start saying."

2010-03-04T15:34:00.000-08:00

"Well, that makes sense. My sister is almost a man." -Michael, 1st grade

"Your pendant stare does not work on me. I have no soul to burn." -Rosco, 4th

"I don't really think K-Love is that positive."
"I don't call that a headband. I call that a giant ponytail holder"-Jacob, 2nd

"Did you just say grease nugget?" -me
"Miss Bradford, what's a grease nugget?" -Alex, 4th

"You don't figure out how old someone is based on how tall they are." -Jeremy, 5h

"These boys tire me out." -Jayla, kinder

"You were born in the 70s? That's when they made peace." -Ali, 3rd

"Did you bring me a big box of chocolate for Valentine's Day?" -me
"No. OH! But I did get you a rock from recess. It's in my shoe." -Gabriel, 2nd

Me: "Nate."
Nate: "You remind me of my Uncle Emilio."
Me: "I remind you of a man?"
Nate: "Only because you make those funny faces and talk in voices."

Nate: "This one time we had a Michael Jackson wrestling match. I was the white Michael Jackson and my brother was the black Michael Jackson, and my Uncle Emilio was the Chinese referee. You're both funny like that. But he's funnier than you."
Me: "Wow, you are just insulting me all over the place today."
Nate: "I'm sorry. But you shouldn't have brought it up."
Me: "I didn't bring it up; you did."
Nate: "No, you did...by talking in that funny voice."

"Foo, when was the last time you picked cotton? You work at the Gap."

2010-02-10T16:17:00.000-08:00

Here's the deal: I don't often (or naturally) laugh out loud. I'm violently opposed to the polite laugh. This is only a problem when people expect the polite laugh...or think they're funny when, to me, they obviously are not. This could be viewed as socially unacceptable...or you could consider me rude. Granted, if you're reading this, you probably know me and understand that I don't subscribe to Social Norms Quarterly.

I only bring this up as there is someone that appears quite nearly into my daily life. He makes unfunny jokes and inappropriate asides. I don't laugh at them. And I rarely acknowledge them. Apparently I need to start, because there is this gaping disconnect. Most times, he repeats himself. Not just repeats himself, but opens with the intro, "Maybe you didn't hear my joke..." or "I said...". Given that I am seriously hard of hearing, he might think that I actually haven't heard him. Also given the number of times this has happened and I have replied, "No, I heard you.", you'd think that he'd stop. Maybe I'll just start yelling, "HA!" every time he makes an attempt. (The Daniel Toshian Tourette's "LOVELY SWEATER!" type shout that I'm picturing would really do the trick quite quickly.)

Lest this become a total negative Nancy post, I'll get to the point of where my thoughts went with this: I love to laugh. Since I don't laugh out loud much, when I do laugh, I laugh with my entire body. There are several levels of the Jill laugh. There is some bending at the waist involved. Perhaps some clapping. Maybe a "Whoo" of sorts as a cooldown. If I'm sitting; I'm slapping the table. Once it gets super intense, I'll probably be stomping my feet. Perhaps jumping in a circle whilst stomping. It's ridiculous. If you've seen it, you know. If you've contributed to it, I thank you. This whole thing really made me take a trip down the lane of memories...to when I laughed hardest; with whom I laugh the best.

I'll start with the summer of 1993. I spent the majority of that summer doing nothing but riding around in a jeep listening to Blues Traveler, or in Gilly's basement with the same cast of characters nearly every night. There were 3 specific boys that had a mission: to make me laugh so hard that I would pee my pants. No, seriously. (And I think most of you know how serious that is.) Those boys were Tim Steil, JDubs, and Mike Simpson. The three winning situations occured on a tennis court (Mike), in a toybox in my basement (Josh), and running alongside my parents' minivan on Clark Street at 25 mph (Tim). There were also many runner-up type situations that involved wrestling, towel snapping and frog faces.

Amber and Maggie were also major players in my high school laughter. Man alive, those ladies are actually the ones I've laughed the longest and most knowingly with...whether it was in making fun of each other, writing our own songs, or riding Pee Wee Herman bikes down brick lined streets...those girls will forever be stout in my book. I don't know that I could even retell a story about these 2 and have it communicate what they mean to me. I wear those close to my heart.

There are certain people that don't require words or even coherent sentences to make me laugh. Few and far between, those people. There's Melissa Cahill with her ham sammiches and fingerbending, Patrick Sayers and karaoke, Kjersti Heer and our television magic, Sarah McAlpin and high heels, and Edubs with the dealbreaker list; these people have made my life richer through the years.

One October I took a roadtrip with the brothers Cochenour and Tony Nettekoven, who was running a marathon in Albequerque. This was shortly after Tim had moved down to the metro area, and was the first time we'd really hung out. He certainly had a feel for Steve and Tony's relationship, but throwing Jill into the mix changed the dynamic for him. We were sitting in an Arby's after the marathon and a trip through REI. I'm not sure what happened in there, but Steve and Tony went to their grumpy-miscommunicating-sarcastic places. Which I thoroughly detested and enjoyed (instigator older child, anyone?). I was sitting next to Tim, across from the 2 of them. The plate glass window faced the rugged skyline. Tony thoughtfully looks out and asks, "So there're 4 kinds of landscapes...a mesa, a butte, a plateau....what's the fourth one?" Steve looks up and says, "A mountain?" completely straight faced. Hysterical. I, with food in my mouth, cannot stop laughing. Looking at Steve or Tony doesn't help. They're both torn between being annoyed with one another and laughing at me. And I can't swallow my sandwich for the laughing. So I turn my body around and attempt to climb into the both behind us....Tim absolutely clueless to what is going on. Classic.

And don't even get me started on the summer of 2008. The highlights include a night around a campfire with 3 highschool students and Mr. Boshangles, evenings on the golf cart with Bernie and Valerie, "playing maintenance", Alex's impression of Tomash's "Caio for now!", and ANYTIME I spent more than 3 minutes with RACHAEL SHEETS!

I realize that this blog might not mean anything to you, but it made me laugh. Which is entirely possible because I am the funniest person that I know. Essentially, the next time you crack wise around me, don't be offended if I don't guffaw. But if I do, know that you stand in priveledged and sometimes lonely company.

"Because I really love pockets, you know. And velcro."

2010-01-28T15:37:00.000-08:00

never to be outdone by kid quotes, here's a little adult quote interlude. not that you could tell the difference, in most cases.

"No more potatoes down the drain." -random dude in T & M's parking lot

"All these girls are wearing peacoats....we gotta get outta here!" -random dude outside the Wicked Garden

"No one ever died from being overdramatic." -Joyce Sutton on the obvs

"I don't like outer space. It's too big." -Andy Cumpton Junior on Avatar

"This is not the same!" -Micah on disappointing backyard shenanigans

"Put a couple of drinks in that kid and see what happens. Like a gremlin."
"Classiest bar in Arvada. In a strip mall. Happy Birthday, Kevin! Smells like gasoline and diarrhea." -Erin on the Red Lion

"Put your hand on the wall and shake it!" -Charlie on Kevin

"So then people will think I'm furry like Esau." -JRe

"Arts and crafts, arts and crafts they fade....fade away."

2010-01-28T15:24:00.000-08:00

"You have a cowboy voice." -Haley, kindergarten

"I don't want to deal with all that paperwork." -Jacob, 2nd grade
"You're lucky. Most people don't even have their own Bible. They have to go to church to read it."

"Do you even know math?" -Leo, 3rd grade

"You're talking like a Star Wars Jedi Master." -Michael, 2nd grade

"You know, you don't have to say 'Not OK' three times." -Maria, age 4
"I think I'm slightly allergic to stinky water."

"You are the weirdest person I've ever met." -Angel, 5th grade

"Do the Hellen Keller and talk to your hips." -Gabriel, 2nd grade
"One day she just figured it out with her big ole giant brain."
"Then the baby smelled it with its big old giant nose."
"You lucky little rascal."
(I'm editing a piece written by Gabriel....'They got married. Then they got 3 kids.'
I read the sentences aloud and ask, 'Gabe, does that sound right? Did they go to the store and get 3 kids?')
"No. They went to Haiti and got 3 kids. Just kidding."

"I don't have time to maintain these regrets...."

2010-01-17T15:50:00.000-08:00

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realise just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me

And oh, how He loves us so
Oh how He loves us
How He loves us all

We are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way...

Oh, how He loves us.

(original by John Mark McMillan)

David Crowder Band cover version here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCunuL58odQ

"They are idiot mantras that exist in a prearranged cycle."

2010-01-06T20:42:00.000-08:00

"To begin...to begin...how to start? I'm hungry. I should get coffee. Coffee would help me think. I should write something first and then reward myself with coffee. Coffee and a muffin."

I've ever used other peoples' words to communicate. I attribute it to being an actress for so many years (and quite emotionally stunted for many, as well). In lieu of naming my own feelings and sentiments, I've used those of others. I've also long been attracted to stories of crazy girls. I love a character study, I love connecting with idiosyncrasies...even if I don't understand them, I am forever fascinated. I also find much comfort in re-reading books and re-watching films. At a loss? A standstill? Looking for direction? Always go to that which inspired and sparked creativity previously. It's been a couple of those kind of weeks for me.

I just yesterday read my favorite chapter of a favorite book, Girl, Interrupted. And watching Adaptation (by the screenwriting genius of Charlie Kaufman) again tonight was the perfect illustration of Velocity vs. Viscosity. Terrific. Makes me want to go back to The Bell Jar and Borderlines next.

"Do I have an original thought in my head? My bald head? Maybe if I were happier my hair wouldn't be falling out. Life is short. I need to make the most of it. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I'm a walking cliche. I need to go to the doctor and have my leg checked. There's something wrong. A bump. I need to stop putting things off. The dentist called again. I'm way overdue. If I stopped putting things off I'd be happier. All I do is sit around on my fat ass. If my ass wasn't fat, I'd be happier. I wouldn't have to wear these shirts with the tails out all the time. Like that's fooling anyone. Fat ass. I should start jogging again. Five miles a day. Really do it this time. Maybe rock climbing. I need to turn my life around. What do I need to do? I need to fall in love. I need to have a girlfriend. I need to read more. Improve myself. What if I learned Russian or something? Or took up an instrument? I could speak Chinese. I would be the screenwriter who speaks Chinese. And plays the oboe. That would be cool. I need to get my hair cut short. Stop trying to fool everyone into thinking I have a full head of hair. How pathetic is that? Just be real. Confident. Isn't that what women are attracted to? Men don't have to be attractive. But that's not true, especially these days. Almost as much pressure on men as there is on women these days. Why should I be made to feel I have to apologize for my existence? Maybe it's my brain chemistry. Maybe that's what's wrong with me: bad chemistry. All my troubles and anxiety can be reduced to a chemical imbalance or misfiring synapses or something. I need to get help for that. But I'll still be ugly, though. Nothing's gonna change that."

"Insanity comes in two basic varieties: slow and fast. I'm not talking about onset or duration, I mean the quality of the insanity, the day-to-day business of being nuts. There are a lot of names: depression, catatonia, mania, anxiety, agitation. They don't tell you much. ...Viscosity and velocity are opposites, yet they can look the same. Viscosity causes the stillness of disinclination, velocity causes the stillness of fascination. An observer cannot tell if a person is silent and still because inner life has stalled or because inner life is transfixingly busy."

"Ok, so I need to establish the theme. Maybe banana nut. That's a good muffin."

-Charile Kaufman, Adaptation
-Susanna Kaysen, Girl, Interrupted

"I don't want to miss a single thing you do tonight."

2009-12-31T18:51:00.000-08:00

well, well, well. at this point it's about all i have to say. i've long had a list of things to blog about, but i haven't. most likely if you've talked to me in the last 3 months, we've discussed bits of it. among the topics: all things cynical, grace, community, the character of GOD (specifically old testament vs. new), my acting/auditioning/(in)ability to access emotions onstage vs. off, my relationship with my dad shadowing how i resent boys who tell me what to do, and of course, more and more kid stories. if any of the aforementioned interest you, let me know and i'll expound.

i had a chat with an old friend last night about how i don't write anymore (he doesn't so much either) and how that affects us. i've been tempted to write, but haven't for fear of my intentions not being communicated. after the chat with him, and the fact that i found and read my journals in my recent move (ok: not-so-recent move, but recent unpacking), i realize how much i need to start again.

returning from a weeklong trip to illinois, as ever, has stirred up things in me that i didn't realize were there. hit me pretty strongly. still digesting that, and unsure of how to work through most of it. i hate being so cryptic, and also hate to be so cliche (like posting an introspective entry on the last day of the year, jill?). basically, it's astounding to still be going through the same thing(s) after processing them so many times before. it's also ridiculously pedestrian, predictable and reassuring. did i mention that i've been journaling since 1996? good googly moogly, that's 13 years.

on the bright side, i do know that once i process and come to a place of spewing things out, there are lots of people to listen. more importantly, people that i love, trust, respect, and value. if 2009 did nothing else for me, it made me realize that i'm favored and fortunate to have a plethora of those who understand. or attempt.

before this turns into a bigger piece of prosaic banality, i'm off to hussy myself up and enjoy the evening. finish strong, beezys.

"He so crazy; he can't even read!"

2009-11-17T15:20:00.000-08:00

Rather than waiting to post another list, I believe this one stands on it's own.

"Can you get your backpack, por favor?"

"Why'd you just call me a por favor?"

"It means 'please' in Spanish."

"Oh. I thought you were calling me an animal. You know...carnivore, porfivore...

"Grossy gross!" and other quotable delights...

2009-11-12T12:47:00.000-08:00

this month brings a nice little mix of differing philosophical depths...

"This song has been in my head for 3 years. Seriously, when I was 4, this song was in my head."

"It's an unredoable mistake."

"Algebra isn't hard. Smartness is making the right choices."
"It can't be exactly the same."
"All it takes to be wise is to admit that you don't know everything." Jacob, 2nd grade

"I don't know! I'm not a kid! I'm a mature grown adult." Emilio, 5th grade

"There's no such thing as perfect. There's no such thing as stop dying. You are always dying."

(Me: "Let's sound it out.") "You can spell it-you're an adult." Noah, 2nd grade

"Are Jack Johnson and Michael Jackson related?" Maria, age 3

"What in the world is Bugs Bunny?"

"Billy Ocean invented the moonwalk and Michael Jackson stole it." Kaylee, 4th grade

"(He) just hit me in the nuts. You know, those little round things down there." Gustavo, kinder

"YOU FORGOT THE NOSE POKES!"

2009-09-28T21:41:00.000-07:00

more from the minds of the childrens....

"What do you think is the most popular car in the world?"
"Are you a Christian?"
"Do you celebrate Halloween?"
"Who was the first person to use money?"
"When I grow up, who will give me my phone number?"

"What does negative mean?"
(insert Jill giving an in-depth subtraction lesson, complete with plastic soccer men)
"So how can a story be negative or positive?"
(hey...little kids DO listen to NPR if it's on in the car. as further evidenced by his insistence that he wants to "Listen to the news!")

and the highlight of the week:

(radio DJ announces that the previously played Taylor Swift song is the biggest deal in the country)
"Um, no. The National Anthem is actually the biggest song in the country." DUH.

p.s. i'm currently missing the verve and the mommyheads.

"Hey, man...don't trivialize my trivialization."

2009-09-16T00:08:00.000-07:00

(disclaimer: this is my first attempt to blog with photos. and they aren't very good ones. humor me.)

For me, a good trip to Galesburg has many expectations. It's as if the town is a person, and there are things that I do to reacquaint myself; some from habit, some for nostalgia's sake, and many just because I like to be by myself so much. I usually spend a few hours at Innkeepers reading, writing, and people watching. Ditto Lake Storey (with the bonus of lightening bugs!). I like to drive around, listening to WVKC and the bricks hum beneath the tires of a car. I take a bike ride to Bracken, past Conner's parents' farm.

At any rate, a solid trip starts with 12 hours of this:

.

Inevitably ends up stopped at a few of these:

.

If I'm lucky, time for a few of these:

.

As of late, it's definitely included some of this:

.

Always a walk to this place:

.

But the majority of my time is spent right here:

.

Coming or going, this always stirs some thoughts:

.

This trip included the highlight of seeing this little guy (Ian Matthew King):

"Seal the deal! Seal the deal! Punch her! PUNCH HER!"

2009-08-24T23:27:00.000-07:00

Kids came to school today, and I'm sure they'll provide for many a future post, but ALL of the quotes I'm about to list are courtesy of the 7 year old I nanny for...he was quite entertaining today. woo doggies.

upon hearing i'll attend a wedding at the Butterfly Pavillion: "You've GOT to be kidding me!"

upon hearing i might read something at said wedding: "Read something? Like a riddle? or a joke? or a poem? ...like blah blah blah the girl kisses the boy...."

"What's wrong with your feet?"

"Cool people kiss a lot. That's how the movie people make it. The cool guy. He kisses girls, he has a motorcycle."

"Why do people say 'ladies first'? Pretty much only ladies say that."

"I just like chasing girls. With balls."

2009-08-08T21:08:00.000-07:00

...ah yes, a quote from JD uttered during a recent(ish) kickball game. he decided to run the ball in from right field, as opposed to throwing it to the basemen. good times, indeed. joining a kickball team is one of the items on my "to do" list that i've actually honored. no mind that travels, working, and weddings have kept me from attending many games.

i've got a backlog of things to type, but let's face it: i'm a bad blogger. (alas, school will start in less than 3 weeks. those kids will guarantee at least a clever story per week.) i had intended to write an entertaining bit about my 12-hour stint in the milwaukee airport (complete with field trip to the lake via mass trans), but my allergies kicked it into high gear and now i have an ear infection. i've been down for the count since my return. but i'm starting to feel better and went to the Tattered Cover for some reading tonight. and found that some of my favorite publications really delivered this month. my next entry will be semi-inspired by a Jon Stewart interview from SOJOURNER. tonight, a few tidbits from HARPER'S.

Estimated percentage of all existing blogs that have not been updated in 4 months: 94
Percentage of male British IT workers who say they consider their sex partners' needs before their own: 82
Percent by which moderate internet surfers are more productive in their jobs than non-surfers: 9
Chances that a Twitter user accesses the service only while at work: 2 in 3

p.s. the cds that i'm missing today are The Boy with the Arab Strap by Belle & Sebastian, the Stones' Some Girls, and Wilco's summerteeth. A trip to Twist & Shout didn't help.

You hugged me at Christmas and you hugged me good.

2009-07-11T21:26:00.000-07:00

I've been less than faithful to my summer "to do" list, and this blog is but one sorely suffering aspect. There are about three major entries (errr, ideas) bouncing around my brain. They've all made it onto the pages of my journal, hopefully they'll spill out here soon.

For today, I'm ruminating on some basic questions. Simple, really. At the same time complex. Blame it on 24 hours bathed in one too many episodes of Sex & the City, as well as a few movies posing questions both spiritual and existential (damn you, Wes Anderson!). You may think that spiritual and existential cover the same ground, but I'm going to separate them. And address neither of them too specifically here.

Why is it, in matters of relationships, that we (desperately seeking early 30s types) don't risk more...and more often? I know that the last few years have brought me to a place of understanding myself and my emotions more than I ever thought I would. It can be argued that I know what I want and am unwilling to settle.

"Anything less than extraordinary is a waste of my time."...a quote from a movie I first saw in my early 20s. It has long been a mantra. However, the relationships that I've endured since have shown me that compromise isn't necessarily a weakness.

Random chats with strangers are my specialty. Yet, I've been hesitant to throw caution (or cushions) to the wind in any serious manner. Perhaps I've clung a bit too tightly to my definition of extraordinary. If my experience has shown that I learn more from being in a relationship, and that the hurt of an ending is, indeed, bearable...what am I still afraid of?

Ramble ramble...make a point...I don't think I'm really afraid anymore. Maybe the risks I was unwilling to take in my 20s were due to fear, but the lack of action now can only be chalked up to apathy.

It seems to me that we have more to gain and less to lose than ever before.

(side note: of the 600 cds i no longer have, today i'm missing Frou Frou and Jesus & the Mary Chain)

right where it hurts...

2009-05-14T22:42:00.000-07:00

it was the last week of january, 2004, 7:30 in the morning. i got a phone call from my friend jeremy telling me that our friend from chicago, chris, had just been found dead. no details, just dead. at first i was confused, because we had always called him "Carl", but then i connected the dots. it was the 4th friend to die in as many years, all in december or january. i'd done this "grieving" thing before. but never from 900 miles away. never alone.

during that same time i had been listening to Leona Naess' self-titled album. the kind of record where you don't have a favorite track, because you have three. it has just been recently that i can listen to that album and not go back to the place i was in...mentally, emotionally....back in the early part of 2004.

i made a trip to Second Spin a few weeks ago and got Leona's most recent, THIRTEENS. mmm mmm mmm. as i pack to leave in the morning to meet 7 of my high school girlfriends, it's fitting that a song entitled "Not the Same Girl" would resonate.

these are the best days of your life
dinner parties, and friends and noone's wife

climbin' down the apple tree
i can see your strength in me
storms are brewin' and we're headin' for a change
friends will marry and move away
you will look back at it all
memories rage across an empty hallway

you're not the same girl who
writes love songs and means them
you're not the same girl who
has butterflies and believes them

i won't stop needing you
and i won't stop wanting to

i'm not the same girl who writes postcards
for strangers
i'm not the same girl who wears pigtails
says "I love you"

when we knew
when we knew
when we knew it all

we're not the
same girls who
watched movies and believed them

i definitely still wear pigtails. and i'm certainly grateful for friends like jeremy who would call me at an ungodly hour just to make me feel connected....for friends who have seen me through those times like 2004 (and even more recently), when nothing made sense and i wanted to stay there, in confusion and hopelessness, rather than deal with it. i've lately been thinking a lot about how to allow people to love me, to care for me, and i'm struggling to verbalize my appreciation. or to simply recognize that love. so thank you. i'm not the same girl.

Thursday conversation

2009-05-07T23:03:00.000-07:00

"Seven take away two."

"Five. I'm five!" exclaims the boy. "Are you five?"

"No, I'm a lot more than five."

"Thirteen. Are you thirteen?"

"I'm twenty-seven more than five."

"Are you almost old? 'Cuz when you're old, God comes and takes you away. Then you know what he looks like."

"We came in somewhere between 'crackhead' and 'has a gun'."

2009-04-25T19:56:00.000-07:00

SUMMER 2009 TO DO LIST

play at least 5 disc golf courses
sit on Stella's patio twice (and find a new patio on which to sit)
volunteer at MaxFund weekly
visit 2 new speakouts
save at least $100 per month
go to the Bluebird, hi-dive, Gothic, and Fox
join a book club
go to church every week
blog once a week
visit 3 new superlatives on road trip
skateboard once a week
diligently work on Words Words Words (my dictionary journal)
do 5 new-to-me hikes
enroll in at least once class (ceramics, improv, dance, scene study, or "school")
visit the Hall family, either in Cortez or at Lake Powell
work on a Habitat for Humanity house
camp 3 times
read ten Old Testament books
go see Carhenge (perhaps with Micah?)
go to at least 2 First Fridays (Santa Fe & Tennyson)
buy my produce from Farmer's Markets
play on a softball or kickball team
do the Oak Park Frank Lloyd Wright walking tour
journal twice a week
JUMP STREET! JUMP STREET! JUMP STREET! (this will probably be the birthday)
visit at least one museum per month
talk to KJ (RE: Wyoming State Fair)
handwrite 2 letters per week

"It whistles, it snorts...that thing is a Cuisinart."

2009-04-21T18:24:00.000-07:00

Today it was in the blissful upper 70s, so I headed to my car during recess to put on my Chacos. I was parked immediately next to the playground. As I opened my door, two 2nd grade boys ran up to the fence.

One of them yells at me, "What you got up in there?".
To which I reply, "Just shoes. I'm changing them."
"No! What kinda engine you got up in there?"

2nd grade. Ridiculous.

Who needs a manual to write real good?

2009-04-18T15:59:00.000-07:00

(I'm a huge NPR fan (read: nerd) ...I've recently all but completely turned off the hip-hop in my car. I heard this story twice on All Things Considered Thursday. It was just as good the second time. I highly recommend listening.)

Today marks the 50th anniversary of William Strunk and E.B. White's Elements of Style, the grammar manual used by millions of students, including commentator Marc Acito. (Incidentally, I read Acito's first novel, How I Paid For College, a few years ago.)
Me and a friend was talking about using proper grammar. And he says to I, "Today is the 50th anniversary of Strunk and White's Elements of Style." (1)
So I got me a copy and totally mesmerized this vast suppository of information. For instance, Strunk and White says, "Write with nouns and verbs." (2) Myself, for one, is relieved to know this, as I have been trying to write with macaroni and cheese.
And it is never recommended to willfully and recklessly — because it puts undue emphasis on the adverb — split an infinitive. (3) Oops. You might have just heard out of the corner of your ear that the passive voice was used by myself. It is to be avoided. (4) Unless you are the CEO of a bank, in which case you cannot do your job without saying "mistakes were made."
Other rules they learned me were to not verbify a word by adding a suffix. (5) Avoid cliches like the plague. (6) Use adverbs sparingly. (7) And do not speak in the negative. (8)
They also recommend using language that is definite, specific and concrete. So don't say, "We had a period of bad weather." (9) Say, "Every definite day for a week it rained concrete." See how that sentence is kinda, y'know, specific? More or less?
Strunk and White continues to update their book, even though both of them are dead. (10) But some of their advice is old-fashioned and, frankly, downright arachnophobic.
For instance, they say to keep related words together. (11) That's fine for all intensive purposes, but what if one of your related words empties your bank account and goes to Atlantic City and loses all your money at the blackjack table? Yeah, that word is dead to me. And you know who you are, grandma.
When it comes to "shall" and "will," Strunk and White gives the following example: (12) "A swimmer in distress cries, 'I shall drown; no one will save me!' " But a suicide says, "I will drown; no one shall save me!" And I say, "You two (pedantic) know-it-alls deserve to drown." I mean, what about "Help!"
And with regarding the difference between lie and lay (13) — no one actually knows the difference, but politicians do both.
So who needs a manual to write real good? In the age of tweeting and texting, Elements of Style deserves to fade into Bolivia.

1) http://chronicle.com/free/v55/i32/32b01501.htm
2) Elements of Style, Third Edition, 1979, p. 71
3) Elements, p. 58
4) Elements, p. 18
5) Elements, p. 50
6) Elements, p. 81
7) Elements, p. 75-76
8) Elements, p. 19
9) Elements, p. 21
10) http://www.boston.com/news/globe/ideas/articles/2005/10/23/frankenstrunk/
11) Elements, p. 28
12) Elements, p. 58
13) Elements, p. 51

"Every Sunday we go to church to PRAISE THE LORD!"

2009-04-10T14:21:00.000-07:00

the blog title comes from a 6-year-old who was talking to himself during a math activity at school yesterday. did i mention that the kid is a Russian gypsy? ferreals.

i've thought of posting often, but haven't done it. i hope this satisfies the legions of my readers (read: fransene). i have a few things brewing, and if i can break myself away from my exciting face-mask-nail-polish-Freaks-and-Geeks Friday night, I may type them in. i recently started to write again....no promises, but we'll see.

as i realize that i'm more of a "Dear Diary" type blogger, i also realize that if you haven't talked to me recently, only read this pap, you might think i was in the bell jar. i was. i'm not anymore. whew. good friday, folks.

"And then Julie Andrews showed up, deer ate from your hand, and you all sang 'If I Had a Hammer'..."

2008-08-26T14:53:00.001-07:00

Everything I've found comfort in is now foreign.
The adventure I've ever longed for now intimidates me.
What then, do I desire?
What do I hope to accomplish?

desire
accomplish
words so full of ambition
i dare not even define
let alone entertain

A dear heart asks, "Why was it hard?"
Seconds pass. The only answer; not fully formed, "I'm not ready."
"I know."

"Nothing wrong with my organs, this was emotional clap. I had to keep my heart to myself in case I infected somebody."

"I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!"..."What's a tornado!?"

2008-05-28T15:56:00.000-07:00

After what seems like a blink of an eye, but has actually been 6 months in the making, I am sitting in an office at Covenant Harbor Bible Camp...that's right, the very same camp where I spent 8 years' worth of summers and winters as a camper. The last time I was here was circa January 1994. Yikes.

As I spent Monday evening walking around this place I both know so well and am at once completely unfamiliar with, I was struck by the brick walkway leading around and up to the boathouse. BA-zing! These bricks I know. This walk I remember. (No, not in the Shane West/Mandy Moore kind of way..."Now you're in two places at once!") These are the same Purington Paver-type bricks that were in front of my grandparent's house on Academy Street in Galesburg. I always loved coloring the circular designs and parallel lines with my Crayola crayons.

While overwhelmed by my OCD brain swirls of things to do, things that have yet to be done, the anticipation of the season to come, the privilege of experiencing and witnessing grace again and again....mostly I just wanted to cop a squat and color; to escape the adult sense of fear and reality that has become my truth. Since when am I the old-lady teacher consumed with responsibility and obligation? My adventuresome side is still here, it's just accompanied by an unrecognizable white-knuckling that I'm just beginning to wave hello to...as I said to Keller last night, "The thing I fear most is also the thing I'm most hopeful for and excited about..." That applies to so many areas of my being and on multiple levels. Seriously. Sidewalk chalk; stat.

I had a similar rush of memories when looking out the windows on the second floor of the Carriage House, another when passing the steps leading up to the "big field" near what is now called Kishwauketo. Those stairs where nearly a quarter of a mile long when I was ten...

If you've ever been to summer camp, humor me and post your memories here.

"If nothing else, life in the suburbs promised that one might go from day-to-day without finding stool samples in their hair."

2008-05-08T00:36:00.001-07:00

the blog title comes from David Sedaris. as i sit and attempt to mourn another familiar loss, cliches abound. i make no apologies. i give no explanations. they will be apparent to those who understand. and those that know the "jill" that has always been here will shrug, perhaps challenge me at a later date...i have been reading, listening, praying, questioning, seeking, resting. but obviously not sleeping. metaphors, similes, connections, stifled expression.

"If one's addicted, one does that in lieu of having a life." -James Taylor; Rolling Stone, July 1997

trees are bending to the metal blades
singing songs that never die
growing old with every monument
like the sand beneath the tide
all these feelings rolling by
and you been on my mind tonight
i'm alone
but it's not loneliness
another way to pass the time
i don't think about what might have been
if we'd seen it eye to eye
i could love you through a night
but i can't save nobodies life
hear the freight train cry along
through the winter countryside
he will stop awhile in every town
only long enough to sigh
maybe now is not the time
for anything i say
may be a lie
i can make you laugh and cry
but i can't let no one inside
i haven't got a lot to say
not a word to make it right
all my wishes go to you, my love
have a peace we couldn't find
like the leaves go when they die
they float across a windy silver sky
so i won't say it as goodbye
for darling, all is love and love is life
-Abe Abraham

"Love demands expression. It will not stay still, stay silent, be good, be modest, be seen and not heard, no. It will break out in tongues of praise, the high note it smashes the glass and spills the liquid. It is no conservationist love...How can you stick at a game when the rules keep changing? I shall call myself Alice and play croquet with the flamingoes. In Wonderland everyone cheats and love is Wonderland, isn't it? Love makes the world go round. Love is blind. All you need is love. Nobody ever died of a broken heart. You'll get over it. It'll be different when you're married. Time's a great healer...
It's the cliches that cause the trouble. A precise emotion seeks a precise expression. If what I feel is not precise then should I call it love? It is so terrifying, love, that all i can do it shove it under a dump bin of pink cuddly toys and send myself a greeting card saying 'Congratulations on your Engagement'. But I am not engaged and I am deeply distracted. I am desperately looking the other way so that love won't see me. I want the diluted version, the sloppy language, the insignificant gestures. The saggy armchair of cliches. It's all right, millions of bottoms have sat here before me. The springs are well worn, the fabric smelly and familiar. I don't have to be frightened..." -Jeanette Winterson

And all shall fade
the flowers of spring
the world and all the sorrows
at the heart of everything

but still it stays
the butterfly sings
and opens purple summer
with a flutter of its wings

the earth will wave with corn
the grey-fly choir will mourn
and mares will neigh
with stallions that they mate
foals they've borne

and all shall know the wonder
of purple summer...

And yet, I wait
the swallow brings
a song too hard to follow
that no one else can sing

the fences sway
the porches swing
the sky begins to thunder
crickets wander, murmuring

the earth will wave with corn
the grey-fly choir will mourn
and mares will neigh
with stallions that they mate
foals they've borne

and all shall know the wonder
I will sing the song of purple summer

and all shall know the wonder
I will sing the song of purple summer
-Lauren Pritchard

metaphors, similes, connections, stifled expression. welcome to my world.

"dust on my face is smearing in the rain, and for the first time i don't know what to say. and now the orange sky is traveling my way..."